“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV)
The Internet and social media have redefined the word “friend”. We are now able to have “friendships” with people we have never met and may never meet. I thought of this yesterday as I was referring the professional services of someone I know only through social media. I referred to this person as a “friend”, though we have never met.
So, what classifies a “friend”? Does a friend have to be someone with whom you socialize or can there be other categories of “friend”? I prefer a broader definition. To me, a friend is someone with whom I interact on a regular basis and who adds value to my life—spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and, of course, socially. Thus, friendship exists in a wide variety of dimensions.
Reading Proverbs 27:17, this morning, was timely. Its message underscores the value of relationships. “Friendships” require a level of synergy—otherwise, the relationship is merely an acquaintance or “someone you know.” Thus, a friendship is a commitment to mutual benefit—give and take. “Iron sharpens iron.”
I have friends, i.e., people I value, with whom I only interact via Facebook or e-mail. Additionally, of course, I have relationships that are nearly always face-to-face. In all of these, I try to make a conscious effort to give in relation to what I take.
Our closest relationship is (better be!) with our spouse or partner. My wife is my most valued friend. Sometimes, though, we are going so fast and in so many directions that we need to pause and set time aside for the relationship. Date night is important and should be a regular event. More importantly, we must make time daily. I struggle with this. So, I very recently committed to a daily 15-minute pause for Pam and me to connect. We sit in our living room, enjoy a glass of wine or beer, and talk. Fifteen minutes is a minimal goal. We have been going longer. We shoo the kids, if they come in, and we focus on each other. I am enjoying the time. It is an easy habit. Small efforts have a cumulative effect.
I have a number of professional colleagues who I have never met. Among these, Travis is an exercise physiologist in Oklahoma who continues to teach me and inspire me; Frank is a brilliant biomechanist in Finland who has greatly benefited me in my research. It is rare to find academics who are so free with their time and knowledge. Being at smaller institutions and often isolated in my field of interests, I have learned very quickly to reach out and to network. Professionally, we need to seek out people and surround ourselves with people who know more and are more skilled than we are. When such people are not physically available, we need to reach out. The Internet has made these kinds of relationships possible. I value these relationships. I am always asking myself “what are these guys getting out of this?” I give back where I can, and I strive to imitate by offering my support to others who might seek my help. I call people like Travis and Frank “friends” because I value them as more than just sources of information. I see them as “iron” in my life.
I have grown in my use of social media. Having lived across the U.S.A., I have friends who span the globe. Were it not for social media, I would never be able to keep up with most of these. Most I would never see again. Others, I might only see at a reunion every four years. It is simple impossible to connect on a regular basis with hundreds of people without social media. My “friends” include family, high school friends, college friends, friends of friends, friends of family, and so on. Some of the people I interact with most often are people I have known at varying levels and times in my past but may not have been people I would have called “friends” at the time; but, though social media, we have found common interests that have sprouted friendships.
At one point, I found that social media was becoming a productivity killer and time waster. It was adding no value to me, nor was I adding value to others. I found that I used it to vent frustration and more selfish purposes. It was feeding my cynicism and negativity. So, I changed my attitude. When I needed encouragement, rather than seeking it, I offered it. In return, I was myself encouraged. If one really tracks my postings, they are likely to see that the days when I appear most positive are the days I most needed to overcome something. Now, my time on social media is more valuable—because I seek to add value.
As with some of my professional “friends”, many of my social media friends are people I value because what they contribute. Many of these I have connected with through friends who have introduced us. Others have become friends as I have taken an interest and have appreciated their voice, and vice versa. There are some really awesome people in the world. The greatest value, I find, to living in this age of electronics is the opportunity we have to be connected. “Six degrees of separation” opens many more opportunities for growth in this age of electronics.
Despite the value of social media in connecting us, it is a sad thing to see people in the same room with their faces glued to a smartphone. I can’t help but shudder at the image of a group of people sitting in the booth of a restaurant all staring at a phone screen or feverishly texting someone who is not present. Let’s welcome the opportunity to enjoy face-to-face time. Use social media and the Internet to build and maintain relationships, not to take time away from valuable relationships.
Commit to being the iron that sharpens iron:
- Make time for the most important relationships in your lives.
- Interact face-to-face as often as is possible.
- Keep relationships alive with regular check-ins.
- When a person comes to mind, reach out to them—just say “hi” and ask how things are going (chances are they are in need of that connection).
- Take time on a regular basis to walk through your social media connections and pray for or think about each person individually.
- Ask yourself every time you post on social media: “To whom is this adding value?” (If it doesn’t add value to anyone, refrain from posting.)
- Be intentional in every relationship.
- Carpe momento. Make every interaction count for something positive.