Well, that time has come. My 11-year-old son is going to his first school dance. I am excited for him, and I am nervous for him. I remember that age and how awkward I was (and still am). I made a lot of mistakes in the romance department. I don’t want my son to repeat my mistakes—and, of course, he won’t. He’ll make his own. I just hope I can help him avoid as many mistakes as he can.
I hope girls and dating is a positive experience for him—and the girls. I wrote Lessons for Liam before he was born in hope that my thoughts and experiences might at least benefit him. The following was intended for days like today. I hope he takes it to heart. If I knew then what I know now, I would have caused less pain and enjoyed myself more. It is what it is, and I am who I am from the experiences. My role now is to parent and raise the best son (and daughter) I can.
“When you begin dating, let your motivation be getting to know women. Don’t look on the outward appearance or the popularity of the girl. Date widely—that is, date even those girls to whom you have no physical attraction. Chances are you will find that you have more in common with the girls than first thought. Realize that there are valuable qualities in all people. Sometimes—perhaps more often than not—the less popular girls are flowers waiting to bloom. I think high school reunions in your future will prove me correct. It won’t be the women you were too insecure to date as a teenager who will catch you eye as a man. It will be those outward beauty catches up with their inward loveliness.
Not every date you go on needs to be romantic. In fact, I would discourage you from dating romantically until late college at best. Don’t rate girls on their potential as girlfriends or mates. Seek to have many girl friends. I am certain, then, you will find yourself very popular with the ladies.
Don’t be afraid to go against popular opinion. Don’t feel like you need to date the most beautiful or popular girl in school. Rather, consider dating those girls who, perhaps, aren’t dated as often. It doesn’t have to be a big deal either. It might only be to go for a walk, hike, or bike ride. It might only be to go for an ice cream cone. It might be to go to a sporting event or a free concert. You often don’t have to spend a dime. All it might cost you is a few hours of your time—time you would have spent doing what you are doing anyhow.
When you date, make it about her. Don’t spend time talking about yourself. Ask questions. Make her laugh. Make her feel good about herself. Help her recognize the beauty that lies inside. Encourage her. Love her.
While you might find one special girl you want to spend your time with, avoid the temptation to have a steady girlfriend. Certainly, don’t date with the intent of finding a girlfriend. If you do, first, you will be more susceptible to heartache; and, second, you will miss opportunities. Date widely. Have many girl friends. If there is one special girl, fine. But, don’t date exclusively and don’t be possessive. Let her date widely as well.” –Lessons for Liam
Image: Napoleon Dynamite