“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)
Self-Control.
Self-control involves exercising restraint over one’s own impulses, emotions, and/or desires (Merriam-Webster). Self-control is quite situational. I can certainly control my appetite, drinking, and most physical wants. Cross into the Emotional dimension of well-centeredness, though, and well….
Self-control truly require cultivation. One is not born with self-control (just watch an infant), nor does one come upon self-control by happenchance. Self-control requires discipline, and discipline requires practice. One develops self-control in the greater things by exercising self-control in the lesser things.
If one lacks self-control, one must practice it. It begins with goal setting—part of our growth plan. Travis Bradbury offers six secrets of self-control (http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/09/17/the-six-secrets-of-self-control/#246cf7ad12aa):
#1. Meditate.
#2. Eat. Controlling blood sugar can help avoid cravings (for food), as well as impulsiveness
#3. Exercise. What doesn’t exercise help? Indeed, exercise can benefit impulse control through neurotransmitter release (e.g., GABA), as well as getting the mind off of what one is having difficulty controlling.
#4. Sleep. Like exercise and eating, sleep helps regulate our impulse control.
#5. Ride the wave. Wait out the periods of strong desire.
#6. Forgive yourself. Realize that you are going to have moments when you slip up. Let it go and move on.
But what about those impulses like anger and other emotional outbursts? These might not be as “simple” as dietary changes or other health habits. These require efforts to control our response to stimuli. Stephen Covey referred to this as expanding the space between the stimulus and the response. Viktor Frankl noted that “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Self-control is a choice. It is a habit of choosing our response wisely. How? Through practice and self-forgiveness. Here our growth habits—e.g., journaling, reading, meditation/prayer, visualization, etc.—lead the way. Take the time to pause midday to breathe, relax, focus, and recharge. When you are getting flustered and feeling your Emotional well-centeredness slipping, stop. Take a productive pause, and move forward. Don’t allow your positive energies to be halted by negative emotions. Take control. Choose your response.
Now, it I can just listen to my own advice….
Carpe momento. Control the moment.
“I value self-discipline, but creating systems that make it next to impossible to misbehave is more reliable than self-control.”—Tim Ferriss