I am third.
One of my most treasured possessions is an autographed copy of Gale Sayer’s autobiography, I am Third. I have read it countless times, and, yes, I still cry every time I watch the move, Brian’s Song.
The title of Sayer’s autobiography comes from a quote he saw on the desk of his track coach at Kansas. The quote read: “My Lord is first, my friends are second, and I am third.” (I prefer to state it as “family and friends” for the added emphasis on family, but the statement is something I have tried to live for as long as I have had the book—which is at least 40 years.) This is the basis for my core values: faith, family, friends, growth, health, and impacting others. “I am third” is an easy reminder to put others ahead of self.
There is a popular movement in Christianity which uses the phrase: “I am second”. While I applaud their efforts and fully understand from where they are coming (i.e., God first), it is my opinion that the statement falls short (and perhaps it is more of a legal issue owing to copyright of the phrase “I am third”). I trust that the implication of selfless is there—after all, love and sacrifice are central tenets to the faith. We are taught, as Christians, that no greater love has a man than to lay down is life for another. So, “I am second” or “I am third”, the general concept is present—selflessness.
I prefer “I am third” because it emphasizes that family, friends, and neighbors, come ahead of myself. This runs a bit contrary to society’s view that you have to “look out for #1”. Now, I accept the fact that one must take care of one’s self. One cannot destroy one’s health and well-being and be of use to others, but there is a fine line here between selflessness and self-centeredness. In an attitude of “I am third” and well-centered fitness, self-care is for the purposes of caring for others. It is not an “I am first” attitude.
Living the mantra of “I am third” is not easy. I fall far short of the target every day. I can be well-meaning when I leave the house, but “I am third” doesn’t always make to the on-ramp to the highway to work. It is a daily challenge. It is a moment-to-moment challenge (or should I say “opportunity”). Nevertheless, keeping this mantra running on a loop in my brain improves my chances of getting it right from time to time.
When I get frustrated and angry, I can always trace it back to my failure to live as “I am third”. Sure, someone might be being a jerk, but it is because they are being a jerk to me that I get upset. Things that others do that upset me are on me. I choose to let them bother me. Usually I am upset because I want things done differently. It is a failure to be third.
I need that constant reminder that I am not the center of the Universe. The old cliché phrase: “It’s not you. It’s me.”, well, that’s sort of spot on. So, I start my day with the hope that, today, I will finally live as “I am third”.
Carpe momento!