The golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. We’ve all heard it before. Most agree it makes sense. It occurred to me, though, that maybe it could be tweaked.
I’d like to modify the golden rule just a bit. I propose that we state it as such: “Do unto others as should be done unto you.” Why you ask? Because, we generally expect more that we deserve. We want more than we earn. We want more than is best for us.
Now, I am sure some are reading this and thinking, “Dude, you’re harsh.” Maybe so, but hear me out.
I am not suggesting that we treat anyone less well than what is best for them. What I suggest is that we treat others according to their needs as opposed to what we might think they need (according to our experience).
I see a tendency among well-intended people to want to do good for others, but, in the process, rob said others of what might most benefit them over the long term. We tend, so to speak, to “give a man a fish” rather than “teach him to fish”. Of course, we would all prefer to have our problems magically solved for us, but this doesn’t help the next time a problem arises. It is better that we give a man a fish, if he is hungry, to get him through the immediate need, and teach him to fish so he can eat tomorrow. Instead, though, we often just stop at the fish.
As parents, we can tend to focus on the fish. We often want our children to be happy more than anything. To this end, we often can’t avoid saying “no” when “no” might be best for the child in the long run. I see the same in education, when we assume that some kids are “disadvantaged” and “need extra help” (not to say that we don’t help were we need to—let’s just not assume that we are helping by “helping”). Sometimes, we need “tough love”. Sometimes, we just need the space to work things out for ourselves.
Society likes to feel good about kissing boo-boos and putting Band-Aids® on wounds, but sometimes we are only treating the symptoms and not the cause. The beauty of society or community is that we are all individually gifted and can contribute in our own unique way. Society needs us to use our talents and to bring them to the table every day.
We are all unique. We all have unique gifts. As well, we all have unique needs. As we interact with our neighbors, don’t consider what you might want in a given circumstance. Rather, consider what it is the involved person needs. Do to others as should be done. Help them beyond their immediate need. If we apply “be your best today; be better tomorrow” to ourselves, then we should apply “make today the best; make tomorrow better” to others.
Carpe momento!
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson