In physiology, Wolff’s Law states that bone adapts to the loads under which it is placed. In other words, bone is shaped by the stresses placed upon them—it remodels itself according to the forces acting on it. People are much the same.
Sadly, in our over-protective world, we tend to believe the opposite. We seek to avoid unnecessary stressors and challenges. We seek to shield our young from any discomfort. Unfortunately, this only weakens the spirit, like it does the bone.
Nietzsche wrote one of my favorite quotes: “that which does not kill you makes you stronger”. I often think about this in times of difficulty and trial. I am, after all an Armstrong—our family motto is Invictus Maneo (I remain unvanquished.) I know that what has happened in my life has brought me to where I am, today. (And that which happens today will make me who I am tomorrow.)
As we go through adversity we are shaped for the better—if we allow ourselves to be. We need never run headlong into struggles—they will invariably find us—but we should never hide ourselves. Moreover, as parents, teachers, and coaches, we should not shield children from struggles. Children must be afforded the opportunity to face the realities of the world—with the comfort and knowledge that adults are there to support and comfort them.
Every day is an opportunity to struggle—to exceed our comfort zone—and to grow. In the early years of the American space program, scientist learned that the exposure to weightlessness rapidly weakened the bones of the astronauts. The inverse of Wolff’s Law is true. If the bone is underloaded it will weaken. So, too, in the human character.
We grow resilient by being resilient. This is not to say that children should be traumatized to make them better adults. Such a notion is nonsense. The point is not to willfully and painfully stress a child to grow emotionally. No, that is abuse, and abuse does not promote growth.
I see emotional development, like I see physical development, with the eyes of an exercise physiology. (I see all the dimensions of well-centered fitness—Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social—from this perspective.) The overload principle applies. For emotional development to occur, the individual must be stressed beyond that which he or she is accustomed. In other words, one must be stressed beyond their comfort level, but within the capacity to recover and adapt. Much like excessive acute or chronic overload may cause irreversible physical damage (e.g., “overtraining”), so, too, can excessive emotional overload. Too little stress—i.e., overprotection—however, has no stimulus for growth and may ultimately weaken the individual. Just the right level of overload will, nevertheless, produce strong, resilient adults.
Manage the obstacles before our young, but don’t remove them. Let them struggle (within reason) and grow. Encourage them to be their best today; and be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!