Today, my oldest child became a teenage. As he is moving toward adulthood, I struggle with giving him the space to grow the direction he is supposed to grow—as opposed to the direction I want him to grow. As a parent, I am learning that his path may not be the same at path I had planned for him, and that’s okay.
It is all the more a challenge to know how much space to give him (and my daughter, too, of course). I want to lead him—to prepare him for what might come—but I also don’t want to push him. I want him to develop a work ethic and be successful—but it has to be on his terms.
Sometimes, it is difficult to draw the line correctly. Surely, I will make mistakes more than a time or two. (And, believe me, I have.) I am making a conscious effort, however, to try. I am trying to be that “well-centered parent”, I suppose.
It isn’t just teenagers who need space. Everyone needs room to follow their path—and not have someone else’s path imposed upon them. I am still trying to figure this out, but I am trying to:
Listen. Just listen. I am avoiding the impulse to speak my mind. It is hard, but it is important that I hear what his soul is telling me. If I just listen I am better prepared to lead rather than push.
Support. Support isn’t denying help. Support isn’t doing the work for the other person. Support is “to hold up or serve as a foundation” (Merriam-Webster). Support means that I live by example—serve as a foundation. It also means that I “endure bravely or quietly… promote the interests or cause of… keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage” (Merriam-Webster).
Feed. To grow, plants need to be fed. Likewise, people need feed. No doubt a teenager needs Physical nourishment—my boy eats a lot. People also need to be fed Spiritually, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially. Teenagers all the more. We feed, but they have to “eat” in their own time.
Trust. This is the hardest part. But, if we do our best we will get the best results. We have to trust the soul. Give the space and the Spiritual self will find its way—the way.
I am looking forward to raising a teen. It will be difficult at times, but the effort will be worth it. I am excited for the prospects of the future. He’ll be alright—he’ll be awesome—if I allow him to be.
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!