I have frequently shared the statement from Per Olof Åstrand the to become an elite athlete one must “choose your parents wisely”. I truly believe this to be the case, whatever the goals or purpose in life.
I often struggle with my circumstances—where I live, where I work, who I associate with or don’t associate with—in other words, with my personal satisfaction. When I do, I often resign myself to the fact that it is not about me. I consider that perhaps I am where I am, under the conditions I am under, not for my purposes, but for the purposes of my children—which is, in reality, my purpose (or, at least, in part, my purpose).
When I consider my role in my children’s purposes, I sometimes feel comforted. At other times, however, I feel an overwhelming sense of panic. I worry that I might be failing them. I fear that I could be messing them up beyond repair.
Sunday night, I called my dad, as I regularly do. We chatted about my upcoming discussion on The Modern Masculinity Project with my friend, Brad. I joked about what might come out, but, at the same time, reassured my dad that I have no regrets of foster any ill-feelings. The reality is that I am who I am because of my parents—not in spite of them. They gave me all of the experiences (good and bad) and opportunities I needed. (Note: I did not state “wanted”. “Needed” is the correct term to use. Anything different, I would not be the same person.)
Despite the gratitude for my upbringing, I still worry, as a parent. Am I too hard on my kids? Am I too soft? Am I giving them the opportunities they need? Are we supposed to be in Oregon, like we felt ten years ago we are supposed to be? I just don’t want to **** them up.
Whatever my concerns or worries, I have to trust their path, as well as my own. They chose me and my wife, after all. The damage is on them (**wink**).
Parenting is hard, but someone has to do it. As parents, we are obligated to do our best and trust in the result. All of us can do better, though.
When it comes to the past—i.e., our parents—what is done is done. No one can change it. Our upbringing is what it is. There is no changing the past. What we have is the present. It is our individual decision what we do with our experiences. The future, in turn, is up to us.
As for our own kids? They will be left to clean up the mess we make of them—and what perfect messes they will be.
Carpe momento!