Utah recently passed a law that narrows the definition of neglect and allows for children who are mature enough to avoid harm to play “free-range”. When I was a kid, that was called parenting. We were sent out of the house in the morning and expected to by home when the street lights came on. We biked all over and explored nearby woods and construction sites. We walked to school or to the bus. We might be sent to the store to pick up a few items. “Play dates” weren’t carefully planned and negotiated. Little Timmy would just show up at the door to play, and off we would go. Today, other than Utah, such parenting would result in a call to the police and a visit from Child Protective Services.
My daughter’s school stops at the end of our cul-de-sac—three houses away. The stop before this one is literally the end of the same block!
I was fortunate to live just two houses from the elementary school from the end of third grade to the end of sixth grade. Our community was a mile square and spit down the middle by a “main road”. There were two elementary schools and all kids walked. (I don’t remember any kid being driven to school back then.) There were a few streets with crossing guards, but some kids walked nearly a half mile to the school. (There was no cafeteria, so some of these might walk home for lunch and back, as well.) I am sure the Kindergarteners were walked by their mothers the first weeks of school, but I don’t remember this being the case much longer. Older siblings were sometimes responsible for the younger, but often the child learned to walk to school alone or with friends. None of us would call our parents “neglectful”.
No one, today, would allow playgrounds of the 60s and 70s—steel play structures on asphalt surfaces. Scrapes and broken bones were a reality of play. Back then, iodine and mercurochrome were the antiseptics of choice. After the stinging and the brownish-yellow stain dried, mom kissed the hurt, applied a Band-Aid, and we were back to playing.
Today, the monkey bars are lower and over a layer of soft rubber. Parents go to the park with the child and stand beneath them should they happen to lose their grip. Any parent who might stand off “inattentive” while their child plays “Spiderman” at the top of the playset is labeled as neglectful. Likewise, we would never consider dropping our child off at a friend’s house (‘cause you would never let them walk there) without having done their due diligence—background check, question the gossipy neighbor, checking the sex-offender registry, etc. And, of course, we will linger to check out the environment, the parents, and the kids–not to mention the rundown of foods the child can and cannot eat.
When did parenting become so over-protective? When did we begin to see the need to stifle childhood development and risk-taking?
The other day, some men were talking about parents who were suing to evict their 32-year-old son. Seriously, people are going to fault the 32-year-old man?? Someone should sue the parents for neglecting to rear a responsible, self-sufficient adult. But, society doesn’t look at it that way. We have hovered over a generation of children, being overly protective of them and babying them. Now that they are “adults”, we whine about them. Look, if you want to complain about “Millennials”, take ownership. We created them. The parents and society are to blame.
Unfortunately, I don’t live in Utah. I have had to question and contend with my “bad parenting” choices. I have tempered my responses to educators and parents far too many times to count. I love my kids far too much to stifle them. Sure, I feel like an evil parent quite frequently. A big part of parenting, though, is loving your child enough to be “hated” by them. An even bigger part of parenting is preparing the child to face the world. It is time to rip the “How to Properly Bubble-Wrap Your Child” chapter from the parenting manual. It is time to allow our children to get hurt, to fail, to grow, and to find their way.
Being dismissive of “over-protection” does not suggest that parents should be under-protective. Rather, “free-range” parenting suggests the appropriate protection of the child. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV).
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!