“At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other-focused.”—Joe Ehrmann
In light of the discussions on social media regarding school shootings and school violence, in general (a friend shared with me about a girl in Pennsylvania who plotted to harm—kill—a fellow student using her pineapple allergy), I came across an article suggested that the solution is to “notice those around you who seem isolated, and engage them” (Rob Myers)*. I believe this. I continue to argue that we all have a role in ending these tragedies and that it does not require legislation. It is getting back to the roots of community. It is allowing kids the space to develop social skills.
Myers’ comments immediately brought to mind Joe Ehrmann and InSideOut Coaching (a book a recommend to all parents, teachers, and coaches). One of his overarching themes in coaching is “building men for others” (he coached football; it could just as well be “building women for others”. Ehrmann has made a mission of bringing these principles to coaching of all sports. His InSideOut Initiative website states: “The growth and development of each student’s human potential can only be fostered if the adults who are in charge are aware of and intentional about their transformative purpose” (https://insideoutinitiative.org). This applies not only to coaches and teachers, but all parents, neighbors, and members of a community.
We need to be aware of troubled children. To be aware, we need to be attentive, and we need to allow children to be in situations that reveal challenges and offer opportunities to learn to resolve the issues confronting the child. We teach our children tolerance and compassion by encouraging engagement rather than isolation. I have “zero-tolerance” for bullying, but we tend to be overly protective and deny children the opportunities to be on both sides of conflict, thus denying them the opportunity to learn very necessary social skills.
We need to teach children empathy, compassion, and integrity. To do so, we must identify where it is lacking in the child. Sports can be an avenue for this. Physical education, too. I am in disagreement with many of my colleagues in PE who suggest that there is no place for dodgeball. Dodgeball and other games can provide an excellent opportunity to expose social dysfunction. Beyond the revelation, however, there must be action.
Ehrmann teaches his athletes—as we should teach our children, students, and athletes—to identify isolated/excluded classmates and to bring them into the fold—e.g., to join them in the lunchroom. He teaches them to be leaders.
It takes only one to make a stand. One person to stand up to a bully or to offer friendship to a marginalized student. It takes only one person to change the direction of peer pressure. Only one to lead.
We don’t need to isolate our children. We need to help them engage.
Be yourself today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!
*https://mystudentapt.com/2015/10/06/theres-a-way-to-stop-mass-shootings-and-you-wont-like-it/