As parents, we want the best for our children. We want to do for them the things that will help give them a leg up in life. Sports is one such avenue.
There are countless benefits to youth sports. Sports are a beginning on the path to “well-centeredness”—Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social wellness. I am of the belief that sports participation should be encouraged from an early age. I favor multiple sports and discourage sports specialization for as long as possible. Sports participation should, however, be driven by the child and not the parent(s). Let the child try as many sports (and activities, in general—including music and the arts) as they desire—even if they seem a bit all over the place—until they settle on the sport(s) and/or creative avenues they like and find success in.
In nearly every childhood, there will be times when they are just not enjoying the activity in which they are participating. This may be boredom, frustration, a lack of success, or simply the realization that it is not what they enjoy. Childhood is a time of growth and exploration, and sports should be fun! If the child is not enjoying what they are doing, what is the point of doing it?
Quitting is never an option in my household. We finish our commitments. When the season ends, then the child can decide what he or she wants to do next season. (Sometimes they will vacillate quite a bit in the off-season.) The important thing for us as parents is not to put pressure on the child. We certainly should not try to impose our will. The kid is going to like (or not like) what he likes. We must let them decide.
The challenge comes when the young athletes gets frustrated during the season. Sometimes they just need a little encouragement to get them through. Hopefully, it is just a rough patch, and the desire will return in the off-season. As parents, we have to first seek to understand what is going on in their developing mind. We have to realize that children do not all respond the same to our actions. As parents and coaches, we have to recognize that the child’s motivation is a bit off. Then, we have to help them figure things out.
I am a believer in Sports Psychologists for adolescents. Often, they can be better suited than school counselors to deal with emotional and motivational issues—on and off the field. In some ways, their approach addresses academic issues on which the student-athlete may retreat from parents and school counsellors. They also provide sports-related strategies that might be more relevant to the struggling student.
It is important for the parent to get to the root of the problem without driving the child further into their shell. A key is to keep conversations positive. Let your child talk—or not talk. Be encouraging. Sports are to be fun, right? Make the ride to and from practices and games a pleasant time. If they had a bad game or practice, don’t push. Change the subject. Talk successes.
I trust that most coaches mean only the best for our children. Sometimes the desire to win can bring out their weaknesses. As parents, we need to understand, first, that coaches are volunteering their time. Second, we have to understand that they have to focus on more than just our kid. We can help by supporting their efforts. Whatever struggles our athlete is having, we need to make sure that they still show up for practice and games—physically, mentally, and emotionally. We need to teach our children that they have a responsibility to their teammates and coaches to show up and give their full effort. This is not easy when the young athlete is not having fun.
Sports are a great learning opportunity for children. They are very much a microcosm of the world. Life isn’t always inherently fun. It is what we choose to make of it. We won’t always succeed. Others will cheat. Bosses will yell. Co-workers will disrespect you. Etc. Life is competitive. There are winners and losers, and people do keep score. We need to learn to effectively “deal with it”. In sports, as in life, we have three choices: accept it, deal with it, or quit.
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!