We are a society that seems to prefer to focus on the negatives. We ignore the greater good that is happening around us.
We fault Millennials and Generation Xs (and whatever other labels we are giving the youth today), yet forget that they are what the generation before them raised them to be. Thus, we fault the kids, but fail to credit the parents. Moreover, we fail to applaud the parents who are doing a difficult job well. And, friends, there a great number of them who are doing it well.
As a professor, I interact with young people almost daily. For four years or so, these “kids” are my students. Upon graduation, they become my peers. Some even become my friends. Through social media, I am able to track their progress beyond graduation—when the real success or failure of my teaching can reveal itself. Honestly, some surprise me. I have had some real “goofballs” go on to do great things. I have an impact on the students (and hopefully a positive one), but I am working off of what they bring to college—parents, coaches, friends, relatives, … and past teachers. I can very quickly register an impression of what these influences were like.
I sometimes meet the parents and friends. I rarely meet the coaches and teachers. Because my students will all be leaders and managing behaviors, albeit not necessarily with the title of “coach”, I have them write a “Coaching Philosophy” paper in one of my classes. In this they write about experiences with good and bad coaches and how these have shaped how they lead to behavioral change. Not surprisingly, a great number of students will list a parent as an influential coach. Through this project, I get a glimpse of the influences they have had through their coaches.
I can only infer the influence of teachers—unless the students share. I, personally, credit many of my teachers in my teaching—e.g., Ms. Romano for Math, Mrs. Moore for English, and many more. I can usually tell a bit about the experience that students have had in various subjects but their confidence and performance in these. Truthfully, it bothers me when college students tell me they “can’t do math” or they “aren’t good at math”. This is usually when I tell them “’Can’t’ never did anything” and something to the effect of “your math teachers failed you.” After all, I am not expecting them to do high-level math. I only ask what I know they have the intelligence to comprehend. Much the same goes for writing.
Ultimately, the greatest influence falls upon the parents. I get bothered at an institution that prefers the emphasis the number of students who are “first-generation college students”. I get bothered by this because it is often followed with a lower of expectations. Granted the first-generation college student might have a bit more of a challenge managing the bureaucracy at a university or college, but it is not an excuse to lessen the challenge. It has been my experience that first-generation college students can be among the best students—because their parents have instilled in them the drive and the hunger for opportunity. I fail these parents if I don’t bring out the absolute best in their children.
I can usually tell within a few meetings which students have parents who have given them the skills to succeed. I am grateful for those who have taught their children the meaning of hard work and the role of failure.
I am less impressed with the grade a student gets on an exam than with what they do with the graded exam. If a student gets an A on an exam because the test did not challenge them or the coin fell in their favor, I fail as a teacher. If a student gets a C (or lower) and does nothing other than look at the score, we both fail. If, however, a student looks at the red marks (yes, I am one of those teachers who marks in red—so, get over it!) and examines why they missed the question and what they don’t know—and they make the effort to learn what they don’t know, that is success! In my opinion, tests are not to show me what the students know. Rather, tests are to show us what the students don’t know—and to correct this.
Such is life. Such is also the role of the parent. As parents, we love to see our children succeed. So, often, we shield them from failure. (This seems to be worsening in society.) We must, however, teach our young people to embrace the struggle and pursue growth.
I was inspired by the news of one of my former students receiving a commission as an officer in the United States Marine Corps. He related a story of his parents making him work to earn the money to buy knife he wanted. He earned the $50 a few coins at a time, and I sensed the pride of his parents and of the young man as he told of the day his dad took him to but the knife. I am sure this is one of many lesson he learned from his parents—who deserve some applause today. He is a story similar to many of my students. In reading his, I was caused to pause and reflect on the many students I have had over more than 20 years and what they are doing today. The ones who have learned the value of the struggle are the cream that have risen to the top. I am proud of them and grateful for the parents and the influences in their lives.
I am hard on my own children. Sometimes (comparing myself to others) I question if I am too hard, but then I get a glimpse of the kinds of people into whom my children are growing. I am also grateful for the coaches who have had a positive influence on my children. I am not so likely to give a break to my children’s teachers. I want them to push my kids and elevate the expectations. I expect much of them, but I am grateful for them (certainly some more than others). I can, however, only have high expectations for coaches and teachers if I have higher expectations for myself as a parent. It is harder for teachers and coaches when parents don’t parent well. So, parents, step up your game!
Be your best today; be better tomorrow!
Carpe momento!