As Christians and non-Christians, alike, are often told by Christians that we need to have “a personal relationship with Jesus”. Now, at some point in this post, I am likely going to offend some of my Christian friends and, perhaps, some of my non-Christian friends. This is not my intent, but if it begins to offend at all, just hear me through.
Let me begin by stating that the phrase “a personal relationship with Jesus” is not found in the Bible. (There, I lost my first couple readers, and some of my non-believing readers are saying “Ah ha! See I told you!) So, if it not in the bible, why has it become so central to the teachings and activities of many (most) Christian denominations? (Good question. I don’t know.)
With all that has been going on the world—and particularly the U.S.—I have been pondering this notion of a “a personal relationship with God”. What does it mean? And is there relevance for the non-believer?
The first question I consider is: “What does it mean to be ‘in a relationship’?”
Maybe, for some, the term “relationship” is taken lightly. After all, there are many who seem to change their “relationship status” on Facebook nearly every other day. Relationship is certainly a continuum ranging from “some guy I met, but I can’t remember his name” to “soul mate”. So, it is not unusual for people to get confused by the notion of a relationship with God—some intangible, infinite, construct.
Relationship is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the state of being related or interrelated…, the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship…, a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings.” So, in consideration of “well-centered fitness”, all relationships are Spiritual. In other words, to be in a relationship with someone there has to be a connection, a sense of participation, and, above all, a sense that one is bound to something greater than self.
God, to the believer, is Eternal and Infinite. God is Creator and is contained within all of Creation. Whether one believes or does not—or how one believes—matters much less than we tend to espouse. If we dismiss our theologies for a moment and consider only that which connects us all, then the notion of “a personal relationship” is relevant to all.
Many, who view themselves as having “a personal relationship” with God or Jesus, are really in much more of a one-sided relationship. It is kind of like the “friend” you have because he/she can do something for you. Jesus is my Savior. God provides. Etc. This is not relationship! This is using someone for one’s personal benefit.
Relationship counsellors will often stress that marriage is not 50-50. Marriage, they explain, is 100% on the part of both parties. So, if our relationship with Jesus is described as a marriage, then shouldn’t we give our 100%? (“Oh, but we do”, replies the faithful follower.) But, do we?—Really?
I did a quick scan of verses—looking for one that supported the need to have “a personal relationship with Jesus”. It all looked pretty one-sided to me. In Revelations 3:20, it is God who comes knocking. 1 John 4:10, 19 tells us that it is God who first loved us. God is love, we are told (1 John 4:8). The great commands are love God and love your neighbor (Mark 12:30-31; Luke 10:27). Is sounds like love is at the center of this relationship thing. And, if we are to love God and our neighbor (which, by the way, includes our enemy—Matthew 5:44), that pretty much covers everything and everyone, doesn’t it.
My faith always takes me back to the idea that I am connected on a very Spiritual and Physical level with everyone and everything. If I am to have a “personal relationship with God” there can be no room for division—of any kind—in my life. This is not to say that there can’t be disagreement (even the best of friendships and marriages have conflict). It just means that we take to heart what is meant by the statement: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This should hold especially true for those of us who profess to be Christians, i.e., followers of Christ, but it is no less true for any who belong to humankind.
The divisive nature of society today is disheartening. We are divided along every line that makes us unique and diverse. Rather than embracing and celebrating our diversity, we use it for cause to label and separate. (Yes, even those who claim to celebrate diversity create division.) There is no relationship when there is us and them. Diversity must not imply division.
So, if we claim a “personal relationship” with God and/or Jesus, we must own up to what that means. It is not that Jesus is my pass to eternal life. It is that we lead the way to inclusion and acceptance. It is that we care for all persons—and things. It means loving even those who don’t love us or agree with us.
If you are not religious or don’t believe in God, you are not free of the Spiritual dimension. Higher Power or no Higher Power, we are all connected on the deepest level. The carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen and other elements that make up our physical being are the same elements that make up the plants and animals that feed us. What once made the structure of my cells might tomorrow be a component of you. The energy that runs through the Universe runs through us all. We are one whether we like the other or not. Get over yourself!
I have not arrived at that place where I can say, “I have a personal relationship with God.” I want to be. I believe that God is patiently waiting, but I have a way to go. If you don’t believe like I do, that is okay. If you understand, however, that we are bound in relationship at a profoundly deep level, then we are actually much more alike than different.
Carpe momento!