My younger sister recently posted the following on social media: “Have you ever questioned major decisions you made in your life? Have you settled or acknowledged that you made a major mistake?” I have written on this before, but it is something I often like to consider—especially since I know the answers that some might provide.
Me?
Have I ever questioned major decisions I made in my life? Have I settled or acknowledged that I made a major mistake? In the past, yes. I have learned, however, that to do so is fruitless.
I have questioned major decisions before, but as I have learned to view my life from higher up, I have determined that there are no regrets. Could I have made better decisions in the past? Maybe in a couple instances. (Ha! Ha!—In far more instances than I am able to recount or am willing to admit.) Of course, I have made bad decisions. I acknowledge from the standpoint that I accept responsibility. I am not sure that I would consider this “settling”. To settle is to resign one’s self to the circumstances that said decision brought. Resignation is not the same as accepting responsibility. Acceptance is to view one’s circumstances as an opportunity.
I have written about my response to the question: “If you could go back in time and change one thing…?” A twist on this question is something like: “If you could go back in time and give advice to your 20-year-old self…? In either situation, I would not wish to go back. I don’t wish to mess the slightest bit with the time-continuum. (We’ve seen the science fiction movies.)
What good does it do to question major decisions one has made in the past? These decisions were made. They can’t be changed. Some of the consequences might be less than favorable, but one must consider the unexpected good that has come out of our decisions. One must also consider how many live have been affected both directly and indirectly as a consequence of our questionable decision.
With regards to my sister, I wouldn’t even wish to speculate what major decision she might be questioning at this point. There is no need. I know all the great things she has done on her current path. I know countless lives would be affected negatively, if she deviated even slightly from the course she has taken.
In my own life, I could spend (i.e., waste) a significant amount of time belaboring the bad decisions I have made. What I have realized, however, is that I am where I am right now because of the decisions (good or bad) I have made in the past. I have a wonderful wife and two incredible children who would not be in my life if our paths did not align perfectly.
I might say it was destiny that my wife and I came together. We could have met 15 years earlier when we worked within blocks of each other in NYC, but we didn’t. It took us both going different paths for our destinies to cross. I found myself in Michigan. She was in Virginia when we finally met. How? Perhaps, only because my dad and his wife move a short distance from her in Alexandria. Because her job was bringing her to Michigan and I had reason to visit Virginia, we met—through Match.com, of all places.
Had we met 15 years earlier, my children’s lives would not be the same (even it would be possible that they would be genetically the same). Their lives are, likewise, a consequence of the “major decisions” I have made in the past.
What matters for us, today, is not the decisions we made in the past. Instead, what matters is what we do now. The past is history. The future will be affected by what we do today. If we have made questionable or regrettable decisions in the past, c’est la vie—which, in Brooklyn, they translate: “Forget about it” (it sounds better in a Brooklyn accent). Make better decisions, today! Carpe momento!
Image source: Groundhog Day