“My father used to say, ‘I want you to be a good man; I want you to learn how to work. And I want you to be a serious person.’ I grew up with that in my mind.”—Roberto Clemente
This is my first Father’s Day without a father. My dad passed in January. My father-in-law has passed. My grandfathers have long since passed away. I am left to be a father myself.
I don’t have a words of wisdom quote from my father. (If I dig deep enough, I am sure there are many. He was a huge Clemente fan, as was anyone from Pittsburgh in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. So, the above is a worthwhile stand-in.) The first that really comes to mind is “Don’t f*** this up”, spoken after meeting my now wife for the first time. (The language—a word he seldom used—underscored the message.) The wisdoms of my father, however, are ingrained in my very being.
I am now the father of a someday father. I am beginning to see a lot of his grandfather(s) (and father) in him. He recently uttered a “grandpa” (my day) joke—not the kind you just tell, but one that requires opportunity, timing, and subtlety. It slipped by the attention of his mother and his girlfriend, but I caught it. There was an unspoken nod and wink to his Grandpa Armstrong. It was a small thing. Something likely unnoticed by most, but it was strangely meaningful to me, and it warmed my heart. It was an early Father’s Day present that still makes me smile.
I can only hope that the best of me and the father’s before me is passed onto my son and that these are seeds that grow someone who is better. I am learning more and more about epigenetics (i.e., modifications to DNA that determine how genes are turned on and off), but I believe we pass on more than just our DNA to our offspring. We pass on traits that are Spiritual, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social, as well as Physical. This is we see more than the physical characteristics (this reminds me of my dear friend John McGuire, who taught me how we share “the same facial disfigurements” with our fathers) passed on to our children and passed on from our parents.
Father’s Day is a celebration of fathers, of course. It is also a stark reminder to fathers and would-be fathers of the tremendous responsibility that comes with fatherhood. Few (i.e., none) can say that their father was perfect. No matter the parenting we received (or didn’t receive), each is responsible for the father they are or will be for their children.
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children” (Proverbs 17:6).
Be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!!