Carpe momento!!

They are the little things that have the greatest impact in our lives. The small changes to our daily habits have the most lost-lasting effect. Too often, however, we try to make the big changes and only become discouraged.

Recently, I have intensified my own efforts at refining my own well-centeredness. Focusing on the little things that make the most difference. Time-management. Relationships. Diet, exercise, and health. Attitude. Small tweaks make big differences when seen over time. Consistent change compounds over time.

I surprised my wife with a request that we set aside 15 minutes a night to connect. During these 15-min Check-ins, we sit in our living room, enjoys a glass of wine or beer together, and just share—our day, our thoughts, our dreams, our concerns, etc. Very quickly, this became a priority. We are both excited for this time and are not so easily distracted from it. The last two nights, Pam has had work events until late, and, honestly, missing this time together was hard. I missed it. There was an unexpected void in my day. The value of taking this brief time on a daily basis cannot be overestimated. First, in initiating the activity, I communicated to my wife that she is important and that I value time with her. (Any man would be wise to rack up the good-husband points with anything that communicated this!) Second, it created another opportunity to hit the pause button. (As a fan of Jim Harshaw’s podcast, “Wrestling with Greatness”, the importance of taking time in the day to just pause and reflect, plan, and reset is a clear habit of successful people.) Additionally, it feels like a mini-date in a time in our lives where more frequent date nights are not possible.

Another recent habit change was challenging myself to get up a half-hour earlier to journal before starting anything else in my day. For some, this should not be any great feat, except I ordinarily get up at 4:30 AM. So, getting up at 4 o’clock is all the more challenging. But, this has done several things for me. First and foremost, it has afforded me the opportunity to read a little bit and journal in a more relaxed and unrushed fashion. Prior to making this change, I often found myself rushed to the point of not having time to write (and therefore set goals for the day) or hastening though what should be a more thoughtful and purposeful act. Second, it has helped me become more disciplined. It has made it more difficult to skip a morning workout.  Above all, it has me starting my day purposefully and without excuses.

I set my goal of getting up at 4 AM as a 21-day challenge. This way, I can’t find reason to skip a day here and there. Today, a Saturday, four days into the challenge, I woke up at 3:59 AM without the alarm! Already, before the rest of the family is out of bed, I have much more accomplished.

In setting my task on journaling before anything else, it also puts social media, e-mail, Spider Solitaire, etc. on hold. I find I am wasting less time in the morning.

Another small, but important change I have made in my routine is subscribing to podcasts. My commute is about an hour each way. Usually, I just listen to the news on the radio and get upset with the drivers who don’t drive as well as I do. Listening, instead, to podcasts—selecting those that emphasize success and dreaming big (three favorites presently are: “Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams” with Coyte Cooper, “Wrestling with Greatness” with Jim Harshaw, and “The Charged Life” with Brendon Burchard)—I find my attitude to be much better, and I enter my 9 AM class with far greater enthusiasm. A bit less road rage occurs, as well.

I am also forgoing the serial binge watching of television shows during my cardio sessions. Instead, I am watching Ted Talks, educating You Tube videos, or listing to more podcasts. I am still binging, but my diet is healthier!

These are but a few personal examples. I am sure I will have more to say on the topic as time goes on. The point to be made here is: don’t wait for big changes in your life. Set smaller goals that will have a compounding effect.   Rather than a complete overhaul of your diet (i.e., adopting the latest fad diet in an effort to lose fat) find the few small changes that might have the most effect over the long haul—and, therefore, be sustainable (certainly more to come on this).  Rather than embarking on an impossible exercise program, change your exercise habits one by one—e.g., progressively increase the distance your park from your office or the store, take the stairs instead of the escalator, add an exercise break into your day, etc. Changes don’t have to be big to be impactful. They just need to be consistent. Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento.

“To become an Olympic champion, you must choose your parents carefully.”—Per Olaf Åstrand

Dr. Åstrand’s statement rings true for Olympians, as well as any successful endeavor. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success presents a similar argument. When, where, and to whom one is born clearly affects the opportunities that might facilitate one’s success in life. So, then, are we to blame our parents for our lack of achievement? To do so would serve only to trap one in life of continued failure and mediocrity. Conversely, what if we really did choose our parents? What is we were placed in the circumstances of our birth for a Purpose? What if it is our task in life to find and achieve that Purpose? What if we were to stop playing the blame game and stop making excuses for our lack of success? What if we were to look for the opportunities created by the circumstances of our birth? I believe, if we were to consider this, we would have far less regret in life, have greater gratitude and satisfaction, and ultimately achieve the level of greatness we are meant to realize.

I have been presented numerous times with the question something to the effect of: “If you could go back in time and change one event in your life, what would you change?” For me, this is an easy question. The answer is an emphatic “nothing.” I would alter no event in my life no matter how painful or devastating it might have been. I have made countless blunders relationally. I have missed opportunities. I have blown opportunities. I have screwed up and messed up more than I wish to admit. Still, I would change nothing. Why? Because every event from the moment of my conception has led to who I am today and the very circumstances of my life that give me great joy. I had a business that failed. We lost a lot of money. I cost people money and affected people’s lives. There is nothing pleasant about failing at something so grand. It would be easy to say “If only I hadn’t signed the papers….” Yes, I could have spared my family financial and relational stress. Our retirement account could be quite a bit larger. But…. I reflect on the good that came out of the experience—the friendships, the personal growth, the experience that I can now share with my students, the few athletes who benefited from our brief time in business, etc. As Nietzsche famously wrote: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger” and “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”

Science fiction tells us that to affect the time continuum would be devastating. I sense some truth to this. Our lives are interconnected in ways that we can never imagine. Even the slightest change in events may have a rippling effect. We can never know the affect that we have had on people several times removed from our actions. In addition, we can never be certain of the effect just one seemingly insignificant event early in our lives might have on our present circumstances. If I had chosen a different major in college or had taken a different series of jobs, I might never have met my wife, nor would I have the two incredible children with whom I have been blessed. Likewise, had my dad not moved to Virginia at the precise time he did, I might never have had the opportunity to meet my wife. (Pam lived just 5 minutes from my dad in Virginia and I was living in Michigan when our paths crossed through Match.com.) Anyone, if they took the time to examine their timeline would surely see that circumstances—good and bad—have led them to precisely where they are today.

So, if we find ourselves somewhere we don’t want to be, the solution is not to change the past, but to change the future. If we are lacking in the success department, first, consider how we are measuring success. Perhaps, we are looking for the type of success that is intended for our neighbor? Consider the skills and traits that your circumstances have given you and refine them—use them to further your (extra)ordinary greatness.   No matter how bad you life has been to this point, seize the opportunity to alter your present course. Consider your Purpose and be your best today; be better tomorrow!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV)

The Internet and social media have redefined the word “friend”. We are now able to have “friendships” with people we have never met and may never meet. I thought of this yesterday as I was referring the professional services of someone I know only through social media. I referred to this person as a “friend”, though we have never met.

So, what classifies a “friend”? Does a friend have to be someone with whom you socialize or can there be other categories of “friend”? I prefer a broader definition. To me, a friend is someone with whom I interact on a regular basis and who adds value to my life—spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and, of course, socially. Thus, friendship exists in a wide variety of dimensions.

Reading Proverbs 27:17, this morning, was timely. Its message underscores the value of relationships.   “Friendships” require a level of synergy—otherwise, the relationship is merely an acquaintance or “someone you know.” Thus, a friendship is a commitment to mutual benefit—give and take. “Iron sharpens iron.”

I have friends, i.e., people I value, with whom I only interact via Facebook or e-mail. Additionally, of course, I have relationships that are nearly always face-to-face. In all of these, I try to make a conscious effort to give in relation to what I take.

Our closest relationship is (better be!) with our spouse or partner. My wife is my most valued friend. Sometimes, though, we are going so fast and in so many directions that we need to pause and set time aside for the relationship. Date night is important and should be a regular event. More importantly, we must make time daily.   I struggle with this. So, I very recently committed to a daily 15-minute pause for Pam and me to connect. We sit in our living room, enjoy a glass of wine or beer, and talk. Fifteen minutes is a minimal goal. We have been going longer. We shoo the kids, if they come in, and we focus on each other. I am enjoying the time. It is an easy habit. Small efforts have a cumulative effect.

I have a number of professional colleagues who I have never met. Among these, Travis is an exercise physiologist in Oklahoma who continues to teach me and inspire me; Frank is a brilliant biomechanist in Finland who has greatly benefited me in my research. It is rare to find academics who are so free with their time and knowledge. Being at smaller institutions and often isolated in my field of interests, I have learned very quickly to reach out and to network. Professionally, we need to seek out people and surround ourselves with people who know more and are more skilled than we are. When such people are not physically available, we need to reach out. The Internet has made these kinds of relationships possible. I value these relationships. I am always asking myself “what are these guys getting out of this?” I give back where I can, and I strive to imitate by offering my support to others who might seek my help. I call people like Travis and Frank “friends” because I value them as more than just sources of information. I see them as “iron” in my life.

I have grown in my use of social media. Having lived across the U.S.A., I have friends who span the globe. Were it not for social media, I would never be able to keep up with most of these. Most I would never see again. Others, I might only see at a reunion every four years. It is simple impossible to connect on a regular basis with hundreds of people without social media. My “friends” include family, high school friends, college friends, friends of friends, friends of family, and so on. Some of the people I interact with most often are people I have known at varying levels and times in my past but may not have been people I would have called “friends” at the time; but, though social media, we have found common interests that have sprouted friendships.

At one point, I found that social media was becoming a productivity killer and time waster. It was adding no value to me, nor was I adding value to others. I found that I used it to vent frustration and more selfish purposes.  It was feeding my cynicism and negativity. So, I changed my attitude. When I needed encouragement, rather than seeking it, I offered it.  In return, I was myself encouraged.  If one really tracks my postings, they are likely to see that the days when I appear most positive are the days I most needed to overcome something. Now, my time on social media is more valuable—because I seek to add value.

As with some of my professional “friends”, many of my social media friends are people I value because what they contribute. Many of these I have connected with through friends who have introduced us. Others have become friends as I have taken an interest and have appreciated their voice, and vice versa. There are some really awesome people in the world. The greatest value, I find, to living in this age of electronics is the opportunity we have to be connected. “Six degrees of separation” opens many more opportunities for growth in this age of electronics.

Despite the value of social media in connecting us, it is a sad thing to see people in the same room with their faces glued to a smartphone. I can’t help but shudder at the image of a group of people sitting in the booth of a restaurant all staring at a phone screen or feverishly texting someone who is not present. Let’s welcome the opportunity to enjoy face-to-face time. Use social media and the Internet to build and maintain relationships, not to take time away from valuable relationships.

Commit to being the iron that sharpens iron:

• Make time for the most important relationships in your lives.
• Interact face-to-face as often as is possible.
• Keep relationships alive with regular check-ins.
• When a person comes to mind, reach out to them—just say “hi” and ask how things are going (chances are they are in need of that connection).
• Take time on a regular basis to walk through your social media connections and pray for or think about each person individually.
• Ask yourself every time you post on social media: “To whom is this adding value?” (If it doesn’t add value to anyone, refrain from posting.)
• Be intentional in every relationship.
• Carpe momento. Make every interaction count for something positive.

 

“Once you’ve wrestled, everything else in life is easy.”—Dan Gable

I consider myself a wrestler trapped in a basketball player’s body. At 6’5”, I don’t look like a wrestler, but, nevertheless, my heart has always been with wrestling. I wrestled three years of varsity at 185 lb. (when my only options were cut weight or wrestle unlimited) in a less than stellar career. I never committed solely to any one sport in high school, but no sport has remained a part of my life the way wrestling has.

Recently, I have found myself gravitating to podcasts and social media from the likes of Coyte Cooper (“Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams”), Isaiah Hankel (Black Hole Focus), and Jim Harshaw (“Wrestling with Success”). All are former wrestlers. I listen to Jim Harshaw’s interviews with former wrestlers on a near daily basis.   These interviews (interestingly, Coyte Cooper has interviewed both Isaiah Hankel and Jim Harshaw, and Jim Harshaw has interviewed Coyte Cooper and Isaiah Hankel) have all caused me to take pause and reflect on how my years as a wrestler have affected who I am today. I have been thinking about how these lessons have shaped my thinking and how I interact with the circumstances in my life. How I teach, how I parent, how I push through adversity, etc. are all affected by my experiences as a wrestler.

My son wrestles. I worry that it may be because I have pushed him in that direction, but, even if there was an initial push, he appears to be developing his own passion for the sport. Whether he continues to have a stellar or less than stellar career in wrestling, I can already see it shaping him. Read my post from…. He is learning the lessons that I learned as a wrestler (albeit, in some cases, post hoc).

In high school, all my best friends were wrestlers. Through the years, I have always gravitated towards wrestling. Wrestlers are a rare breed. There is a palpable energy about wrestlers that is somewhat unique to the sport.   Wrestlers great or not so great (like myself) have a certain tenacity and ability to fight through adversity and achieve greatness through a willingness to work like none other. There is a saying: “In wrestling, there are only winners and learners.” This stands on and off the mat.

I have often described that wrestling is unique in that it is a rare sport in which there are three levels of competition: team v. team (in duals), wrestler v. his/her opponent, and wrestler against him/herself. This dynamic makes wrestling a powerful educator.

A wrestler develops a strong sense of team. Though wrestlers compete at different weight classes, their contribution on and of the mat affects the outcome. Even the non-starter affects the team outcome by the effort provided in training.   It is a combative, aggressive sport. It can be bloody at times, but in the battle there is always respect. There is always and expectation of pushing harder and being pushed for the betterment of the athlete and the sport. Wrestlers bring this to life outside the sport.

In the combat of the sport, the wrestler wins or loses as an individual. On the mat, he or she, alone, faces the opponent. There is no one else to blame in defeat. There is no one else to carry the wrestler in the match—one-on-one until the final second. The wrestler takes personal responsibility in victory or defeat.

Unlike few other sports, the wrestler is in constant battle with self—cutting/managing weight, pushing through exhaustion, fighting the voices that say: “can’t”. This is perhaps my favorite aspect of the sport. I treasure the self-disciple that wrestling has given me. I love the belief that I can keep fighting until there is no time on the clock. I have learned, and I try to teach my son, that self is the most devastating opponent. Before I can be successful at anything in life, I first have to defeat myself. When I defeat myself, then the physical opponents are less formidable.

I don’t remember a lot of my matches in great detail, but there is one match that I often like to share.   I liked the head-and-arm. It was one of my few offensive weapons, though it didn’t always work as successfully as I would have hoped. In one case, I was wrestling a kid, Leroy, in a tri-meet. From the whistle, I successfully shot my head-and-arm and took Leroy to his back. I held him there the entire period, trying to force the shoulder the last fraction of an inch and have the pin called. My teammates were yelling, “Pin him, Jeff!” His teammates were yelling, “Get of your back, Leroy!” The struggle continued (and, honestly, I don’t even recall if I did finally pin him). Long in the struggle, Leroy turned his head to his teammates and responded, “I can’t.” “I can’t” still rings in my head. Right there, he was defeated. It is a phase that I do not allow my children to use. I was taught, “’Can’t’ never did anything.” The recollection of that match, so many years ago, continues to remind me that my attitude determines my outcome. In life, as in wrestling, there are three potential outcomes: 1) overcome and win, 2) fight a hard battle and lose, and 3) give up and lose. Perhaps, we will lose more than we will win, but character is revealed in the battle and how we win or lose.

My senior year, I decided I did not want to lose my annual 30-pound to move from my football weight of 215 to a wrestling weight of 185. Unfortunately, I came out of football with a pinched nerve in my neck and faced stiff competition with my friend, Ken, our Junior Heavyweight. Ken beat me in the wrestle-off. To gain the starting varsity position, I would have to now beat Ken two in a row. We were too comparable, and we would often split the contests. I rode the bench much of season until our 185-pounder, Rich, got sick with the flu. Rich dropped a lot of weight while he was sick and could easily make weight at 165, where he had wrestled the previous year. For the match the following day, Rich was ill, and the team would have to forfeit the weight class. I started practice at 205. It was not uncommon for me to lose 9 pounds of sweat in practice, and this day was no different. With the two-pound allowance, I only had to lose 8 more pounds to make weight for the next day’s match. I volunteered to make the cut. (In those days, there were no restrictions on cutting weight, and, to be clear, there was no pressure from my coaches to do this.) I alternated running in sweats and sitting in a friend’s dad’s Jeep Cherokee with the heat cranked up for several hours that night. The next morning, I got excused from as many classes as possible to run in the pool deck (a natural sauna for wrestling conditioning). As I ran I would alternate running with studying for a precalculus exam I had final period. I attempted my math exam (I couldn’t think clearly and asked to be excused to keep running—I got a D on that exam), still wearing my plastic sweat suit and sweating profusely. In the end, I made weight and, despite being dangerously dehydrated, I wrestled one of my best matches—losing on points to a guy who had pinned me in two previous matches.

I reflected on my unwillingness to drop to the lower weight class after our coach, David Kling, passed after a battle with cancer. I realized that I had been quite selfish. I was going through a difficult time at home, and I had let my ego and selfcenteredness get the better of me. My natural spot on the team was that 185-lb weight class. (I often wonder how my wrestling career might have been different had they changed the weight classes while I was still in high school and had added the 220-lb class. Hindsight is always 20/20, eh?) Had I dropped properly to 185 from the start of the season, I might have performed better through the season, having maintained more of my strength. As it was, I had a horrific senior season. The lesson remains with me today.   I have learned from wrestling to accept my role, as difficult as it may be, and to sacrifice for the good of the team—for the betterment of others. My role is to do my part to the best of my ability and make room for others to fulfill their roles. Teamwork involves sacrifice and mutual effort.

Keystone Oaks High School in Dormont (Pittsburgh), PA was coached by many years by David Kling (one of Pennsylvania’s winningest coaches) and David Colley. Through those years a few guys might place at states, but the strength of the program was never in individual wrestlers. Rather, the strength was in the team—in the ability to put up wins where we needed to win dual meets.   The coaches pushed us hard, and we were, perhaps, the best-conditioned team in the WPIAL.

Personally, I had a sense that, if I could make it to the final period, I was likely to win because of my conditioning. I have that same sense in life that I will win, if I just keep pressing on. “Can’t” never did anything. In life, there are only learners. As long as there is time on the clock….

Carpe momento.

“Action is the foundational key to all success.”–Pablo Picasso

Years ago, I went through a period of several years where I sought to read at least a book a year. The first year, I read something like 119 books (they weren’t all epic novels).   The second year, I read in excess of 70 books. In the third year, I think I hit 59. The numbers didn’t drop so because of a lack of will or desire, but for diminishing access. I also got into reading books by James Michener (this was pre-Kindle, so it was a bit a resistance training exercise, as well). During this time, I read everything from fiction to management books to self-help.

A few of the books I read in this time were Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, and The Power of Possibility Thinking by Robert H. Schuller. Somewhere among these was another author who pointed out an inherent flaw in the common approach to “positive thinking.” It is important that we think positively and set ourselves on the course to success. The challenge lies in doing more than just thinking positive. We must act!

Athletes often use visualization to prepare for competition. Successful people visualize attaining their goals. Visualization is absolutely necessary, but, too often, execution is lacking. The athlete can envision success all he or she wants, but ultimately the athlete must step into the arena.   The flaw in the notion of “think and grow rich” is that thinking alone does nothing. I can sit for hours thinking about the successes I want in life, but until I put my mind on the task of achieving, I get nowhere.

This brings us to possibility thinking. Robert H. Schuller had some pretty lofty goals in wanting to build his Crystal Cathedral in Southern California, but he knew that wanting something does not make it a reality. So, he broke down his goals into likely possibilities. Doing so makes accomplishing the goal increasingly possible.

Suppose, for your business, you needed to raise $1 million. You could seek one person to invest $1 million or two people to invest $500,000 or three people to invest $333,333.33… or 1 million people to invest $1. It should be fairly easy to see that a business owner has a greater likelihood of raising the million dollars through a large number of small investors than impressing upon one or two persons with deep pockets to invest in his idea. This has been the fundamental success of crowdfunding sites like GoFundMe, Kickstarter, and the like.

The principle applies in many other ways. Have a goal? Break it down into attainable smaller achievements.   If you want to lose 20 pounds, losing this amount of weight (in any safe and sustainable fashion) in a week or two weeks is not realistic. Breaking this down into a more safe and maintainable rate of 1-2 pounds per week makes better sense. Still, saying “I will lose a pound a week over the next ten weeks” is only doable if you make an action plan. “I will lose 2 pounds a week by cutting x Calories from my daily diet and increasing my caloric expenditure by y Calories.” Here we have a plan. We envisioned our goals, we have determined the possible paths to attaining this goal, now we have to take action. We have to execute!

“Be your best today; be better tomorrow” and “carpe momento” are calls to action. I tend to think that Rodin’s “The Thinker” never accomplished much. This reminds me of the Night at the Museum when The Thinker just keeps saying: “I’m thinking. I’m thinking….”

We need to take time to pause in our day to think, to meditate, to reflect,…, but, ultimately we need to act. As we journal and examine our goals and desires, we must follow up with action steps. Think and do. Napoleon Hill’s book is called Think and Grow Rich, not Think About Being Rich. So, seize the moment and take action…now!

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.”–Napoleon Hill

“Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day.”–Jim Rohn

I read ‘Think and Grow Rich’ many years ago. While the desire for success is the starting point, one cannot simply think it will be so and it will happen. Success in any area of life takes purposeful action. It takes effort.

The efforts we take toward an (extra)ordinary, well-centered life are daily growth habits that help us refine ourselves. The greatest change comes from the accumulation of effort over time. One of the best ways I have found to keep myself on a track toward well-centered fitness is daily journaling.

Journaling is a common theme among the most highly motivated people. The approaches will vary slightly, but the common patterns include: 1) journal first thing in the morning (and often at night, as well), 2) set daily goals, and 3) meditate on these and your values.

In my efforts to center myself according to the dimensions of wellness, my focus is on the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social goals, as well as other personal development goals. I have found the greatest success in doing the following:

I try to journal first thing in the morning. It doesn’t have to take much time, but starting the day with positive thoughts and purpose makes the world of difference. There is a noticeable difference in my presence when I am on track with my journaling.

I like to begin with reading a chapter of the Psalms (there are 31 chapters, so it works well with the calendar). These are full of diverse wisdom and one verse nearly always catches my eye for the day. I write this down in the journal and take a moment to ponder how this wisdom applies in my day. This may not suit everyone’s beliefs, but it is the principle that matters most—read something positive and write down just one positive thought. There are numerous daily devotionals and sources of wisdom that are short morning reads. Often (especially when the monthly cycles of reading the same verses gets a bit repetitive), I will simple pull up inspirational quotes on the Internet. One of my favorite sites for this is www.brainyquote.com. One can search for quotes by topic (e.g., success, character, etc.) or author. Two of my personal favorite authors for daily wisdom are Orison Swett Marden (founder of Success magazine) and James Allen (As A Man Thinketh). There so many more from whom to choose. The point is: focus in on at least one positive thought to start your day.

I then like to write one goal for each of the dimensions of well-centered fitness—spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social. These will be guided by the broader goals for your life and each of the dimensions. You need to have a clear definition for yourself for each dimension (and, be aware, these will evolve over time as you become more “well-centered) and should use these to set the tone for the day. The goals need to be specific, and you must set aside the time in the day to achieve them.

These morning efforts are important, but I have found that taking the time at the end of the day is equally important. For me, this is also the most difficult to accomplish. The day gets so busy and, if I don’t set aside the time, it is often time for bed, leaving “no time” to journal. This, of course, is just poor planning on my part and the result of not appropriately prioritizing my time.

At the end of the day, I like to write down some thoughts on the day. I reflect on how well I did toward accomplishing my goals. I like to consider what happened (both positive and negative) throughout the day and how I performed in my various roles. The time spent does not have to be long. Even just a few minutes can have a most positive effect.

I will also write down a positive quote from something I have read or a thought that I have found especially motivating. Doing this before sleep has a most positive effect on the quality of sleep I get. I am less likely to be troubled through the night and awakened by anxious thoughts. Rather, my dreams and sleep thoughts are guided by the positive direction I am taking in my life.

I intend to share more thought on the dimensions of well-centered fitness in the days to come. In the meantime, I myself will be making efforts to get back on track with my own journaling.

Carpe momento!

I have been thinking about success lately. I have been following several podcasts and speakers who focus on success, and it has me considering “what is success?” and how do I define it for myself.

Merriam-Webster defines success as “the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame… the correct or desired result of an attempt… someone or something that is successful… a person or thing that succeeds.

Dictionary.com adds: “the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.”

I prefer to think of success not as an end-goal, but rather as a series of milestones along the way. Success is individual. Unfortunately, we often measure our success against the (perceived) success of others. Still what does “success” mean for me? for you? Honestly, I don’t know that I have the answer. Personally, I feel that success is a bit nebulous. Where do I draw the line? Is success a dollar amount in the bank? Is it a specific number of articles published? Is it professional respect? If it is respect then from whom? Is it…?

There is no doubt that we should all set out to accomplish “great things” in our lives. We should dream big. We should be extraordinary. But….

Andrew Carnegie once said: “There is little success where there is little laughter.”   Success, however it is defined, is worthless if it comes at the cost of happiness. Opportunity comes at a cost. Doing great things requires effort. Effort comes at the expense of other aspects of one’s life. Building a successful business, training to become an elite athlete, etc. will have to draw energy away from something. These cost time with family, time spent on personal health/well-being, and so on. Of what value is success in one area of life if it leads to failure in other areas? True success adds value to others and to the other areas of one’s life.

In a recent post, I wrote about feeling on the “successful side of mediocre.” I suspect that all of us who are neither wealthy (a quite subjective standard) nor famous feel like this from time to time. We feel like we have done well, but not quite well enough. I think this is healthy. We should always strive to be better—be your best today; be better tomorrow. We need to set goals, and we need to expect increasingly more of ourselves. The challenge, however, is to not beat ourselves up and feel as though we are failures because we are not living lives of wealth and fame. The world doesn’t need more billionaires and celebrities as much as it needs parents, teachers, coaches, and ordinary people who have extraordinary impact on the people around them.

There are times, as a university professor, that I look at my salary and my vita (resume) and feel inadequate. I compare myself to some of my peers and look at people with lesser experience cashing in on ideas I have had. Rather than wallow in self-pity, I regain my center and consider what I have accomplished and what my students have accomplished. I may not have found wealth and celebrity (yet), but I can measure success in the lives that I have inspired. It may not be me who saves lives or creates some great product, but I can have a hand in the success of those I teach. I can accept this—though I will continue to expand my reach and dream big.

Each of us has an opportunity to attain (extra)ordinary success. Such success comes in committing ourselves to doing our best in everything that we are called upon to do. There is no job that is of greater value than another. We find ourselves in diverse careers and opportunities. Sometimes this is by choice. Sometimes this is by circumstance. Nevertheless, we must always commit ourselves to excellence. Success is in being the best at what you are doing today and being better tomorrow.

Well-centered fitness is the key to (extra)ordinary success. Focus on the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social dimensions in your life and you will be successful. Balance that which is necessary for you to be successful in your dreams with what is necessary for you to be successful at like. There is no greater failure than to have attained fame and riches at the cost of one’s health and relationships. (Extra)ordinary success adds value to the world. It leaves a lasting legacy.

I am reminded of one of my favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd songs from my youth: Simple Man. For me, I can say that I am truly successful until that moment I pass from this earth and can see what I have left in my wake. [The thought just struck me that we call the social gathering held in honor of someone’s death a “wake.” This is truly the one time when one’s true success is measured.] What impression will I leave on the world?   My hope for you is that your will do what you love and understand and that you will be satisfied. Above all else, that you will be (extra)ordinarily successful in these things.

“Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.”—James Allen

 

Yesterday, my 10 year-old son had his final wrestling tournament of the season. He had a really rough day. He went 0-5, yet I couldn’t be more proud.

For some reason, his head really wasn’t in it from the start of the day. He was easily pinned in his first four matches. I could tell, after the first match, that he was getting into his own head. He kept telling himself he was going to lose before he even stepped out on the mat. He just couldn’t snap out of it, and it was heart breaking. Over all, he had had a good season, and I wanted him to end on a high note. He just couldn’t exorcise the voices that were telling him he was going to lose. Then, he wrestled his final match….

He went out for his final match, and he fought. He fought hard. It was a real battle. His opponent was a little better than he was (at least on this day)—and my son knew that the kid had won his other matches. The kid attacked my son hard. He was relentless, but something lit up in my boy. Liam was poked in the eye, and his face and head were pushed and dropped onto the mat numerous times, but fought back. He wrestled hard. He wrestled really hard. He scored a reversal and a couple back points. He ultimately lost by a technical, though, when he got a bloody nose.

He may have lost, but, in my eyes, he was a champion. He beat the critical opponent—himself. He beat the demons in his head that were telling him he couldn’t win. It was one of those life lessons that wrestling often teaches so well. As I held his nose, trying to stop the blood, I beamed with pride.

Often, our toughest opponent is our self. We need to fight the negative voices in our head. We must not let ourselves be defeated before we start.

Liam had a choice going into his final match. He could wrestle hard and upset his opponent, he could wrestle hard and lose, or he could quit and lose the worst defeat. Something clicked in he 10 year-old mind, and he chose to go to battle. In the end, he was bloodied and did not win, but he was victorious. That’s a win in my book.

“The easiest thing to do in the world is pull the covers up over your head and go back to sleep.”—Dan Gable

I have adopted a phrase that I picked up from Dr. Mike Israetel (Temple University; Renaissance Periodization)—“opportunity cost.” I use it often in my exercise science course,s but I am finding it equally applicable in all aspects of life—of “well-centered fitness.”

Opportunity cost refers to the cost of including dimensions in the training that may or may not contribute to the overall success of the athlete. In our physical dimension this most commonly applies to the time we spend working out and on which components of physical fitness (e.g., cardiovascular, muscle strength, muscle endurance, flexibility, and body composition) we put our greater focus. To the athlete, there is the added challenge of time spent in skill acquisition (e.g., practice, agility training, speed and power development, etc.) and developing knowledge of our sport. An athlete has limited time in which to train. Choices have to be made regarding the management of this time. Successful athletes optimize their time by focusing on the things that maximize performance. The same may be said for successful people.

The concept of well-centered fitness emphasizes the need to balance one’s self spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. The greatest challenge rests in trying to maintain such a balance while pursuing extraordinary success in one’s pursuits. Too often, we neglect the other dimensions of our well-being in pursuit of specific goals and dreams. The athlete, for example, may devote the entirety of his/her day to training, nutrition, and rest at the expense of relationships, education, etc. There is an opportunity cost to their athletic success. Often there is a tremendous cost that isn’t realized until after the athletic career ends—failed relationships, vanity, a lack of career opportunity outside of the sport, etc. The key to real success, however, is in maintaining one’s well-centeredness while accomplishing great success in some specific area.

There may be a season during which we must allow our balance to become a bit skewed. During such times, however, we must recognize the cost and attempt to reset the course as soon as possible. Perhaps, in starting a business, one must take time away from family and physical training. Perhaps, an academic must devote greater time to a research project. There are times when an athlete my focus on training. If in such times, however, we completely neglect specific dimensions of well-centeredness, restoring our centeredness is going to require far greater effort. It is critical that during such times when we must concentrate efforts in our lives that we must take some time to care our whole self.

We must at all times recognize the value of each dimension of our wellness. We must take time to reflect, to consider others, to exercise, to feed our bodies and our minds, to spend time with family and friends, to relax, to contemplate, and to enjoy.

From a spiritual perspective, I often reflect on the “fruit of God’s Holy Spirit”—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are not a “gift”, as some believe. They are a fruit. Fruit is the product of cultivation. These take intention and effort. When I don’t tend to my fruit, it is notable in my interactions with others.

Physically, weighing the cost of opportunity is easy. We have limited time in the day, but there is time for exercise—if we make it. How one defines his/her fitness goals will determine how one spends the available time. Personally, I am a big proponent of high frequency training. There is a physiological basis for this, but, from a motivation and adherence perspective, it maximizes my likelihood of success. I can’t afford large blocks of time in my schedule to devote to exercise, but I can carve out more frequent smaller blocks of time. In these shorter, more frequent sessions, I can specialize my training (e.g., cardio v. weights; splitting body parts; etc.). If, by circumstance, I have to miss a session the cost is reduced and higher priority sessions can be made up.

Intellectually, I believe it important to read regularly. Being in academics, this is necessary; but, from a well-centered approach, I believe it is important to be broadly read. I try to read outside of my field of “expertise.”

Devour information! Read as many books as you can. Use the Internet wisely. And share information—conversation and social interaction helps to develop our overall well-centeredness. In sharing ideas, it is important to be open to ideas. Too often, we gravitate to resources that support our ideas and fail to allow for the healthy challenge of our views.

Emotionally, we need to regularly find that place where we can relax, reflect, and renew. This, too, needs to be frequent and regular. We don’t need to spend a lot of time in mediation, but we need regular resets throughout the day.

Socially, we need relationships. There is no success if we are alone or if it comes at the cost of family and friends. It would seem that our relationships are the greatest cost in pursuing accomplishment. This need never be the case. A small investment in others pays great dividends. Take advantage of the opportunities to interact with others. Even as we invest ourselves in our careers, education, athletic pursuits, etc., there is always time to include others. As a parent, as a husband, as a son, as a brother, as a friend, as a professor, as a neighbor,…, my opportunities are limited. I have to make the most of every moment (carpe momento!!).

“Count the cost” is great advice for any pursuit. Better advice might be to “weigh the costs”. Don’t expend effort on the things that don’t add value to your life and the lives of others. Focus on the things that maximize performance. Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

“Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success. A whole, clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!”–Andrew Carnegie

“Success is the child of drudgery and perseverance. It cannot be coaxed or bribed; pay the price and it is yours.”–Orison Swett Marden

Today is one of those days when I woke up feeling a bit tired of being on the successful side of mediocre. We all have days like this. These are days when we feel like we just haven’t accomplished as much as we are meant to accomplish in our life.

There are several ways to approach this feeling. One would be to get down on one’s self and feel unaccomplished. Another would be to say: “Meh. I am doing okay.” and keep chugging along, staying the course. The best approach is to make new efforts in the direction of extraordinary.

I don’t like being on the successful side of mediocre. This is just north of average and not far from the losing side of mediocre. It is true that I can say I am successful, but to be just this side of mediocre is a statement that “I have worked just hard enough and took advantage of just enough opportunity to stay ahead of the next guy.” This is not acceptable. I want to make a mark and add significant value to the lives I touch.

Days like today are days that call for making a little more effort. These are the days to set the mark just a little higher—just a bit more aggressively than days past. These are the days to reevaluate one’s goals and step up ambition.

I can’t accept being just a bit more successful than the mean—the average. I can’t accept not being extraordinary. I can’t sell “be your best today; be better tomorrow” and settle for a passing grade in life. No, I want to be the person who disrupts the grading curve. I want to do more than I have previously imagined.

Having those mornings of feeling on the successful side of mediocre wake up one’s ambitions. This should be the spark that ignites us.

Carpe momento!