“We should never shy away from the challenges that face us out of fear of failure or an unwillingness to battle the odds. We should confront our problems head on and make no excuses.”—Kyle Maynard
I am not a fan of wasting talent. I am not a fan of not giving 100% one-hundred percent of the time. I tell my children to fail. Failure is not, after all, a bad thing. Indeed, failure is an indication that one is pushing him/herself beyond the comfort zone. It is a necessity in the philosophy of be your best today; be better tomorrow.
Strive to fail. Take the risks that will make you better! I believe that one can only fail if one is giving one’s all. Anything less is quitting.
In sports and in life, the only options are not winning and losing. The real options are success, learning (i.e., failure), and quitting. There is a saying in wrestling: there are only winners and learners. This should be our attitude in everything.
There is no dishonor in failing. The only embarrassment is in not trying—or giving up.
I was quite moved by Kyle Maynard’s book, No Excuses. If you are not familiar with the story, Kyle is a wrestler…with congenital amputation of the arms and legs. Kyle lacks hands, forearms, and lower legs. He has only partial feet. And, he placed in the Georgia State Championships! More impressive than his success is his failures. As one would expect, Kyle lost the majority of his matches in his first years—35 straight matches his first two seasons, I believe. Not necessarily surprising, but what most inspired me was that he was never pinned in those 35 matches! Never pinned!! Few fully-able wrestlers can say this. Kyle Maynard knows that quitting is the only defeat.
I am struggling with imparting this lesson upon my 11-year-old wrestler. He loves wrestling, but has not embraced the work ethic that is required for success. He has his shining moments, but he still does not grasp the concept fully. Last night was such a night. He is physically gifted. But giftedness does not supplant desire and effort. I would rather see my son lose a match scrapping until the final whistle than see him give up or have a half-hearted win over a lesser opponent. I would rather see him choose to face the tougher practice partner and struggle than have him have perfect technique on a “fish”.
I emphasize having a growth mindset. This is the idea behind be your best today; be better tomorrow. I was pleased to see this supported in an article shared by a sport psychologist friend: “Want to Raise Successful Kids? Science Says Praise Them Like This. (Most Parents Do the Opposite)”
[http://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/want-to-raise-successful-kids-science-says-praise-them-like-this-most-parents-do.html]. We need to challenge the notion that we should be praised for our gifts and reward effort—whether that effort results in success or failure. Bill Murphy, Jr., the author of the aforementioned article suggests: “instead of asking your kids at dinner how school was today, go around the table and ask everyone to share a story of how they struggled with something. (You have to share, too!)” Embrace the process of growth. Encourage our children, athletes, students, employees, etc. to strive to fail. Anything less is quitting.
Carpe momento!
“The 1st period is won by the best technician. The 2nd period is won by the kid in the best shape. The 3rd period is won by the kid with the biggest heart.”—Dan Gable