East Coast v. West Coast. I take the East for the depth of relationships. By the time this is posted, I will have already had my conversation with Brad Pankey* for the Modern Masculinity Project. I have to hand it to Brad. He is doing something rare (at least from my experience on the west coast). He is asking men to have a deeply personal conversation. It is something I have waited for nearly ten years to have. If I have had an deep conversation with anyone here in Oregon, they are likely to have roots in the East/Midwest. By this, I mean no disrespect to my West Coast friends. It is just the culture here. Personally, I find it unhealthy.
The deepest and most personal friendships I have are with New Yorkers (friends from Queens, Brooklyn, and Long Island—not to discount the friends I have from the ‘Burgh, i.e., Pittsburgh). These friendships left little unexposed and, therefore, have survived the test of time.
Several from the East, who are living in the Northwest, have noted what is referred to as “Northwest nice” (or “Oregon nice”). There is a niceness of people, but there is an unwillingness to reveal one’s real motives or feelings. I have personally found that I easily offend people with my honesty. I tell people how I feel and that makes people uncomfortable. I have found that if I challenge the status quo, it is perceived as a put-down. Questioning of ideas or practices is perceived as personal attacks. I miss the openness of my East Coast friends and neighbors with whom disagreements led to deeper relationships and progress.
We need to have the conversations. We need to put down the electronics. We need to take down the barriers and have honest conversations. Instead of labeling anyone who doesn’t agree with us as an “-ist”, let’s find the common ground and be human. Let’s take the time to have the uncomfortable discussions. Let’s be open to the hard questioning. Let’s be open to new and opposing ideas. Let’s exercise our skills at being a community. Let’s talk.
Be your best today; and be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!
*Thank you, Brad!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-modern-masculinity-project/id1376847196?mt=2