Month: September 2023

“The world is round so that friendship may encircle it.”–Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I reconnected with an old friend from high school yesterday. We really didn’t run in the same circles in high school and, I confess, that I wasn’t always the nicest person to this and other classmates. We had a lot of catching up to do after 40+ years. The conversation has me reflecting on the true meaning of and need for friendship.

Some of my closest “friends” from high school (and other periods in life) barely give me the time of day anymore. Instead, I find that many I did not treat the best or to whom show the most interest in youth are the ones who seem the quickest to buoy me up when I need it.

True friendship, I am seeing, requires the capacity to forgive and to not dwell in the past. True friends exist in the present. True friends can pick up where a relationship left off—even after decades of separation. I am grateful for these people.

I am grateful for the people who can forgive me for the times I was ignorant and self-absorbed. I am grateful for the people who give for the sake of giving. I am grateful for the people who teach me to be other-centered. I am grateful for the people who see the good in me despite myself.

Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote that “our most intimate friend is not he to whom we show the worst, but the best of our nature.” I don’t wholly agree. I would say that our most intimate friend is one to whom we show our worst, but who still sees the best of our nature.

“Two persons cannot long be friends if they cannot forgive each other’s little failings.”—Jean de la Bruyere

Better are the friends who can forgive our greatest failings. We are not (or should not) be the persons we were in our youth. As we grow, we outgrow the “friends” of convenience and selfishness. Maturity is a process much like gardening—we weed and prune our “gardens.” Weeds crowd out healthy plants (i.e., relationships). Pruning is selectively choosing who will have influence in our lives. Often our “garden” is full of dormant seeds waiting for the conditions to be right to sprout. I have never been much of a gardener, but I am trying to learn.

Grattitude to the many who are helping me become a better person. I am grateful that your memories are short and that you can teach me what friendship is.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!

“Facing fear leads to change and helps to build character in a way that is totally unique. Don’t shy away from the weight when it gets heavy, or when doubt enters your mind. Remember that it’s supposed to be this way – it’s what you signed up for, and ultimately will make you harder to kill.”—Steve Ross

I read a good article this week: “Fear in Barbell Training (and How to Overcome it).” It made several key points that are relevant to life, as well as weight training:

With Growth Comes Fear.

Fear of Injury.

Fear of Failure.

Fear of Pushing Through Discomfort.

Years ago, someone showed me that Jesus thought of four enemies of faith. These can be applied as four enemies of growth or of any measure of success in life. They are fear (Matthew 8:26), doubt (Matthew 14:31), anxious care (Matthew 6:30), and human reasoning (Matthew 16:8). We don’t grow because we won’t, not because we can’t.

A basic principle of adaptation in exercise physiology is the overload principle—for a body system to adapt it must be stressed to a level greater than that to which it is accustomed. This is certain in weight training, and it is certain in life.

Growth—Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social—demands that we take risks (i.e., risk being hurt, risk failure, risk embarrassment, risk loss, etc.). Naturally, with risk comes fear. Those who are to be successful don’t shy away from fear. They face fear and proceed with wisdom and a healthy level of discomfort.

It is overcoming fear that is our greatest obstacle in life. Faith and confidence are not blind. There will be failures on the path to success—there must be. Fear is not a human emotion designed to limit us. It is designed to protect us—from injury (not failure or discomfort). It causes us to think before we act. It should not cause us not to act.

We overcome fear by facing it. We overcome it by stepping toward that which limits us. Baby steps toward success (“progressive overload”). In time, discomfort becomes comfortable—in other words, we learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Fear is inevitable. Growth is not. Growth requires action. “Don’t shy away from the weight when it gets heavy, or when doubt enters your mind.” Take life one repetition at a time.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Growth is the great separator between those who succeed and those who do not. When I see a person beginning to separate themselves from the pack, it’s almost always due to personal growth.”—John C. Maxwell

Considering the concept of kaizen—the Japanese word that has come to be associated with “continuous improvement”—it is easy to think one is failing when they are not seeing significant growth. Growth—that is, the progression Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially toward “well-centered fitness”—is never linear. Growth follows more of a parabolic curve toward an asymptote. Change initially brings rapid growth, but growth slows over time. It is when progress slows that most people lose interest and effort diminishes. It is often when we believe it is “mission accomplished”, and we stop working toward the goal.

In exercise physiology, we have the principle of reversibility—“use it or lose it.” For some, age and/time are the excuse for this. It is mostly a lack of effort. Our progress reverts to some rate of decline.

Growth is sometimes the maintenance of progress—the “keep keeping on.” There comes a time when our growth mindset becomes apparent by our progressive separation from our peers. This is most easily seen in the physiological changes of aging (e.g., the maintenance of muscle mass and lean body composition v. muscle wasting [sarcopenia] and creeping body fat). But we can see it, as well, in our Spiritual, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-being.

Separation is a choice—just as growth (kaizen) is a choice. Growth is as much and attitude as it is a measurable progress. Sometimes “better tomorrow” is simply “as good as yesterday” for us as we progress toward the asymptote.

“Great performers are, by definition, abnormal; they strive throughout their entire careers to separate themselves from the pack.”—John Eliot

We must challenge ourselves daily to separate ourselves from the pack. With grattitude, we must….

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Yesterday, I learned that Jimmy Buffett passed. Apparently, I ruined some friends’ weekend by sharing the news.

When performers die—especially musicians—it seems like a bit of our youth passes, as well. Music, like smell and taste, is so closely tied to our memories. Songs take us back to persons and places—to times in our memories that remain so vivid it is like we have traveled back in time. Jimmy Buffett, for me, is my first weekend in college at WVU, The Touch, my first college friend, Dave, Tuborg beer, and Billy Squire (who also takes me back to that evening). Countless bands and songs take me to times and people. Sometimes, the connection is clear. Many times, the connection is confusing (e.g., the Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” and a friend, Paul, from high school). Some memories are pleasant. Some are less so.

There are songs that just insist that we sing along—“Margaritaville” from Mr. Jimmy Buffett. As a WVU grad, it is John Denver’s Country road. Who among the late Boomers and early GenXers can sit quietly for “Freebird”, “Bohemian Rhapsody”, “We are the Champions”, “Eye of the Tiger”, etc. We “Fight for Our Right to Party.” We dance in the “Purple Rain” and know that “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” We “turn it up” on command when “Sweet Home Alabama” is played.

Music is such a part of our “well-centered fitness.” It connects us Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially. We sing songs/hymns in worship. We have our workout music. We are challenged with every song to guess the artist and remember the lyrics. Music makes us smile. Music makes us cry. Music takes us where we haven’t been in what seems like forever. Music unites us.

I grew up in an era in which the music is enjoyed by at least three generation. I am sure the music and artists of today are making connections with our youth, but (for the most part) my music is “classic”—classic rock, classic country, etc. Whatever the generation or the genre, music (good or bad) is connecting us. Connections are what we need in today’s society.

Rest in peace in Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!