Month: July 2022

“In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened.”—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Sometimes we must ask the question, “Why not?”, instead of “Why?” when bad things happen in our lives. (For some, we must learn to ask, “Why not?” when good things happen, as well.) Good or bad, it is less about why something happened and more about how we will respond—what good will come from it. How will we allow our circumstances to impact the Universe? As insignificant as we might perceive ourselves and our effect on others, we do affect the world in ways we rarely perceive. Good or bad is inevitable. How we respond is a matter of personal choice and responsibility.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

I came across an article* this morning that caught my attention. It was titled, “Here are 5 exercises that will burn 200 calories in less than 3 minutes.” (These are the exercises, if you are interested: burpees, jumping jacks, running with high knees, mountaineer, and jump squat.) The article states that “a recent study showed that performing a sequence of one or more exercises at a brisk pace in in 150 seconds would be an effective workout to burn 200 calories in no time.” So, let’s look at this article with the proper scrutiny.

First, there is no citation for the “recent study.” So, this should be a big red flag. I didn’t search for it, because I suspect it either doesn’t exist or it is grossly misrepresented in the present article.

Second, I assume that (if it exists) the “recent study” did not suggest that 200 calories could be burned in “no time” and (I hope) that the author of the article is being figurative, because, well, “no time” is literally no time.

So, the question remains: “Can any exercise burn 200 calories in 3 minutes?” The simple answer is that likely every exercise burns more than 200 calories in 3 minutes. WHAT??! Indeed, it is true. How? Because the author of the article doesn’t understand (or does) what is a “calorie.” A calorie is the amount of heat energy required to raise one gram of water one degree Celsius. This is not to be confused with a food Calorie (big “C”). We often use Calories when talking (in lay terms) about food energy and metabolism. A Calorie is a kilocalorie (kcal) or 1000 calories. So, 200 calories are actually 0.2 kcal (or 0.2 Calories). Much less impressive!! So, yes, you CAN expend 200 calories in 3 minutes (in almost “no time”—literally).

Resting energy consumption is approximately 3.5 ml/kg/min. Oxygen consumption for a 70 kg individual at 200 calories per 3 minutes is 0.19 ml/kg/min (I won’t bore you with the calculation, but that is far less than resting metabolism [roughly 1.25 kcal/min—3.75 kcal in 3 minutes]).

This does not mean that it is better to just stay on the couch. The exercises listed can burn calories. Most exercise of moderate-to-vigorous intensity will likely expend 15-25 kcal/min (depending on several variables). The “100 kcal rule” states that, whether you walk, jog, or run, you burn 100 kcal (100,000 calories) per mile. Performing the exercises described as a HIIT (high-intensity interval training) workout can have the added benefit of an elevated post-exercise metabolism (i.e., you might expend an addition 200 calories per 3 minutes for hours after ending the exercise session).

So, today’s take-home message? Exercise and mind your calories (and Calories). (In addition, read fitness articles carefully and with some skepticism!!)

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!

*

Here are 5 exercises that will burn 200 calories in less than 3 minutes

LESSON 14–Stand

I couldn’t end on the previous chapter. This chapter was written in December of your 12^th year, I see a world that is no less broken than it was when Lesson 13 was written. This year was rocked with a string of celebrities and politicians being exposed for sexual impropriety (which seems like too benign a descriptor). Now, it seems like the dominoes are starting to fall. Sadly, all we are hearing are half-hearted apologies and denials. (Sadly, still the trend continues into 2022.)

I read comments that certain of these men have shown courage for apologizing. I would argue that it takes very little courage to apologize after one has been exposed. In addition, the organizations that have harbored these men (in many cases, for decades) seem to take no responsibility. How these can claim that they were unaware is beyond comprehension. The reality is that we must all take ownership.

Women are finally finding the strength to stand against those who have persisted in making unwanted advances and worse in the workplace. Some may be wrongfully accused, but there is no doubt that countless women have be harassed and assaulted in the workplace—in places where they should feel safe. My heart hurts for these women. Moreover, my anger boils for those who have allowed it to happen.

I want you to have the courage to stand up to bullies and abusers. When you see something that you know to be wrong, don’t ignore it and don’t walk away. Stand for what is right. Be courageous. Stand!

I was taught many years ago to “avoid the appearance of evil”. In other words, conduct yourself in such a way as to give nothing to your would-be accusers. If we act as such and avoid situations in which we can be without a strong defense against false accusations, we cannot be wrongly accused.

Be upright in your treatment of others. It is never appropriate to sexually harass another. Moreover, speak out when you observe others act inappropriately.

You are growing up in the digital age. It is much different than it was for me as a young man. The Internet and social media provide the possibility of being inadvertently complicit in unacceptable behavior. If someone includes you in a message that includes statements that you know to be inappropriate and/or abusive, you must act. Inaction makes you complicit from a legal perspective. More importantly it makes you morally complicit. If someone shares an objectionable comment via text or message, clearly state your objection, lest you be perceived guilty. But more important than covering your own behind, you are taking a stand that what others are doing in not acceptable. It is the least you can do. As best you can, protect those who are vulnerable. Speak up. Stand!

Pictures and words are one thing. Physical abuse is yet another. Far too many times in our broken world we see by-stander do nothing. Worse, we see people videotape people being harmed without doing anything to intervene. This must not be! Stand!

Don’t only stand when the physical harm is threatened. In some ways, this is easy. I have found it easiest to step-in in such situations. Shamefully, as I alluded to in the previous chapter, I have not always spoken up when words have been thrown around. I hope you will learn from my experience and do better. Encourage others to do the same. Be an example of moral strength and character.

Stand!

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 13–Shed Tears and Blood for a Broken World

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him—John 3:17 (NIV).

This lesson was written in late December in your third year. I had sought to write just twelve lessons, following the Bible’s use of twelve as a symbol of completeness. But twelve is just not enough. This “lesson” is perhaps a summary. It is perhaps a culmination of what I have written previously, but it is by no means a conclusion. You and the imprint that you make on the world will write the conclusion.

Two major events drove me to write this chapter. First was a realization of the revolutionary Purpose of Jesus Christ. Second was seeing the movie Milk, starring Sean Penn as the first openly gay politician, Harvey Milk. At the core of both events is a broken world. (At the time of this rewrite, the world remains broken—perhaps even more so.)

In the past, I might have admitted to crying at only two movies: Brian’s Song and Sounder. But I cried at Milk. I am not entirely sure why, but I did—and I am not ashamed. I cried, in part, because it was a sad movie—Harvey Milk was assassinated after a long battle in the ongoing struggle for the civil rights of gay Americans. I cried, in part, because the struggle for civil rights all people is ongoing. [In the 14 years since the conception of this chapter, the brokenness of the world has only continued to escalate.] But I think I cried the most for my own sins. I cried because of guilt. I cried because of shame. I cried because the world is broken and hurting—and I have done shamelessly little to change it!! In fact, I have been crying a lot lately. Yes, for some reason your tough, cynical father has found himself tearing-up at the slightest of things!

My faith has changed over the years. I have long believed in the coming Kingdom of God—that Christ will one day return with the sound of trumpets to restore all of creation. I longed for the day of his return, believing the world to be hopeless. The brokenness of mankind and God’s creation were not something I could fix. But as I read more fully the words of Jesus and the teachings of the Apostle Paul in a context of the world under Imperial Roman rule, the text becomes increasingly relevant—thanks to many teachers.

I have realized that a core scripture in the Bible—for me—has become John 3:17. Yes, I know that it is supposed to be John 3:16, that is held as the core scripture. I have seen the rainbow-haired fanatic at the major sporting events. I have seen the signs of evangelicals. But I have also seen the pain on the faces of the marginalized in our society—the ones for whom christianity has had little concern.

No, “christianity” is not a typo. In fact, the autocorrect on my computer keeps changing it, and it remains with the red squiggle we recognize as a misspelling. No, I typed it in lower case for a reason. I have long struggled with a professing “Christian” world that is incongruent with the teaching of Jesus Christ. So, I have begun to address the “Christian” faith with three labels—which is, perhaps, a judgmental attitude on my part, but consider it a sincere desire to set a mark or standard for myself. First, there is the lower-case christian—the person who accepts that Christ lived, died, and was resurrected, but does very little beyond this. These people may go to church every Sunday—or Sabbath—but show no genuine fruit in their lives. Second, there is the upper-case Christian. These read John 3:16 and live a visible faith in Jesus as their “Lord and Savior.” Unfortunately, these Christians miss the heart of Jesus. They fail to see that his mission was not simply personal salvation for the few who believe. They may work to bring some level of comfort to their neighbor but are not in community beyond those who are of like mind. These are good people for the most part, but they are not willing to join the revolution of Jesus Christ. Finally, there is the Follower of Christ—the person I admonish you to become—who hears the cry of the oppressed; who associates with the marginalized of the world (after all, was Christ not attacked for his associations with tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners of all kinds?); and who sacrifices his/her life for others. Remember that Christ summed the law the prophets with two simple commands: love God and love your neighbor.

So, John 3:17? Well, the realization of this often-overlooked verse was profoundly introduced to me in a sermon. The pastor read John 3:16 and mentioned that people rarely ask what lies on either side of this verse. When he read John 3:17, it was like the person behind me hit me in the back of the head with a two-by-four. It was clear as day. The mission of Christ was expressed in one simple verse. Christ had come to save the world—not just me and anyone to whom John 3:16 was read! But more important was the message that he did not come to condemn the world. It was a revelation to me! More importantly, it was my road to Damascus. And ever since I have wept at the slightest inclination of the world’s brokenness.

I have been reflecting on my life and those that I have hurt. I never thought of myself as mean-spirited. I never realized the pain I was causing. As children, we seem pushed or pulled to become exclusive. If I could ever go back to moments when I hurt someone with my words—or lack of words, as the case may be—I would. But I can’t.

In seventh or eighth grade, I picked on Matt—among certainly many other kids. One day as I was turned around in my desk making some objectionable comment (Matt, I beg forgiveness) he jabbed me in the hand with a pencil. The lead visibly remains in my skin. I look at it often and ask myself “why?” I can’t answer my question. It seems like a natural thing for kids to do—to pick on the “weaker” kids—but this should not be. And I don’t think it was really in my nature. It was a way of escaping my own brokenness and desire to fit in.

In fifth grade, I was sent to the principle for fighting. Scott was new to our elementary school, and several kids were picking on him. I came to his defense and, as the result, was sent to the Principal’s office. I often think of the message that was sent when the teacher who witnessed the incident turned me in to be punished. Yes, fighting is wrong and violence in schools—or anywhere—should not be tolerated, but to me it was a message not to stand in defense of others. I think to some extent I lost my desire to stand up for the oppressed that day.

Never fail to stand up for your neighbor. Never see yourself as better than another for when you do a part of you dies. Stand for the oppressed—without violence if you can. Christ after all stood up to an entire system by allowing himself to be brutally murdered on a cross. This is to truly love your neighbor!

I wish I could say that I have done this in my life. But I am a coward. Rather than stand up for others in their oppression, I have gone along with the crowd—often leading the crowd. I am ashamed.

We all want to be popular and accepted. There will be times in your life that you will find yourself pulled away from certain friends and classmates who no longer fit the “norm.” Please, resist this temptation. Rather embrace those who are different. It won’t be easy, I know, but the reward will be overwhelming—although you most certainly won’t recognize it for years to come.

You can’t heal all the world’s suffering. Therefore, we long for Christ’s return. But what if we who profess to follow Jesus took his message to heart and broke away from the pull of the Pharisees and offered comfort to the hurting? What if…?

I believe my greatest shame lies not in openly antagonizing weaker individuals, but rather in standing by and doing nothing—in turning my back on my neighbor in his/her time of need. Sadly, I missed out on some wonderful relationships. One haunting example is my friend Russell, who was gay and was a member of my church. At first, it was easy to befriend him because it was done in a bit of self-righteousness, but we soon became good friends. As time went by and his struggles grew, however, I turned my back on him. When he needed me most, I wasn’t there. I shamelessly abandoned him because his struggle was foreign to me, and I feared what others might think. “If only I could go back” should never haunt you. To see someone hurting and just walk on by is the greatest sin—because it breaks the two great commandments.

What I am asking you to do is hard. It is impossible in the flesh—that is why we need Christ. But I pray that you will never have to look back in remorse. You may be mocked and criticized. You may take physical blows and shed your own blood, but stand for the oppressed. Even when you are told that the actions of another stand in conflict with your faith, love your neighbor. There is no greater witness to Christ than love. Love can change the world!

I was a teenager when Harvey Milk was assassinated. Shamefully, I didn’t know who he was until the movie came out. More disgraceful is that, at the time, I probably scoffed at his movement. I have learned, however, to not judge one for whether I accept their lifestyle. Instead, I am learning to accept everyone as broken and in need of love and healing. Thankfully, you have the opportunity to live with few regrets.

Toleration seems to be an evil word in the christian community. Toleration, however, has nothing to do with what we perceive sin to be or not to be. Toleration, rather, means to endure the suffering of others.

I have often wondered who might show up at my funeral when I die. Would anyone? Have I made an impact on the world that would warrant people mourning my loss? And, if anyone does show up, would anyone be offended or disgusted to see him or her there? Would everyone look the same? Or would the room be overflowing with a motley and diverse crowd. Unfortunately, I don’t see the room to be overcrowded or diverse. Thankfully, there is time to change that—perhaps.

I am going to give away the final scene of Milk, but it is incredibly moving. Harvey’s former lover and a female friend arrive at City Hall in San Francisco for a memorial service for Harvey Milk. They are disappointed—as I was—to see only a small handful of people at the service. They walk out into the street to find another friend who was going to gather some people for the service. They were greeted with a candlelight vigil of countless thousands of people lighting up the streets for miles. It was incredible… and I never knew it happened!

Make your life a memorable one—not because you attained some level of passing celebrity—but because you touch the lives of the untouchable. Love the unloved. Bring comfort; bring healing; bring salvation to a broken world. Seek to be remembered by those who are forgotten.

Dare to be yourself—whoever that may be. Accept others. Enjoy others. Love others for who they are—broken misfits like the rest of us—the children of God.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 12–Give the Love You Desire

The love that you want is the love that you give.–The String Cheese Incident

You will spend your life wanting to be loved. In many cases, this will come easy. When it comes to matters of the heart, however, love does not come easy. It requires effort on your part—effort that is well worth it.

Don’t be in a rush to fall in love. Love will come when it is ready. In the meantime, master the art of making love.

The phrase, “making love” is most often associated with the act of sexual intercourse. This is not at all what I am referring to. Rather, I mean that you should act toward others in such a way that a loving relationship naturally develops. Love is an act of giving, not receiving. For most, sex is a matter of self-gratification. Perhaps the English language would be more accurate if it were to use the phrase “getting love” when referring to sex. Proper “love-making,” however, necessitates that you put the needs of the other ahead of self. Love should be selfless. Therefore, it requires so much work.

You will go through numerous phases with women over the course of your life. Early on you will be ambivalent or think that girls are “yucky.” In time, however, these feelings will give way to an awkward compulsiveness. Soon, you will become more comfortable with women and, later, want to settle down with one special woman. Don’t be in a hurry to find that “special one.” First, master the art of making love.

I wish I had figured out at a much earlier age the wisdom I pass on to you. Wisdom, nonetheless, comes with experience. I am blessed to have found your mother—if, indeed, anyone ever “finds” their soul mate. I might have had a more enjoyable social life, however, if I had known better.

I missed out in high school. My shyness and insecurity hindered my dating experience. I ran away from some opportunities and choked on some others. Often, I was more concerned with what my friends might think rather than how the girls might feel. I left feelings hurt and missed out on some good friendships. Don’t be foolish like your father. Learn from my mistakes.

When you begin dating, let your motivation be getting to know women. Don’t look on the outward appearance or the popularity of the girl. Date widely—that is, date even those girls to whom you have no physical attraction. Chances are you will find that you have more in common with the girls than you first thought. Realize that there are valuable qualities in all people. Sometimes—perhaps often—the less popular girls are flowers waiting to bloom. I think high school reunions in your future will prove me correct. It won’t be the women you were too insecure to date as a teenager who will catch you eye as a man. It will be those outward beauty catches up with their inward loveliness.

Not every date you go on needs to be romantic. In fact, I would discourage you from dating romantically until late college at best. Don’t rate girls on their potential as girlfriends or mates. Seek to have many girl-friends. I am certain, then, you will find yourself very popular with the ladies.

Don’t be afraid to go against popular opinion. Don’t feel like you need to date the most beautiful or popular girl in school. Rather, consider dating those girls who, perhaps, aren’t dated as often. It doesn’t have to be a big deal either. It might only be to go for a walk, hike, or bike ride. It might only be to go for an ice cream cone. It might be to go to a sporting event or a free concert. You often don’t have to spend a dime. All it might cost you is a few hours of your time—time you would have spent doing what you are doing anyhow.

When you date, make it about her. Don’t spend time talking about yourself. Ask questions. Make her laugh. Make her feel good about herself. Help her recognize the beauty that lies inside. Encourage her. Love her.

While you might find one special girl you want to spend your time with, avoid the temptation to have a steady girlfriend. Certainly, don’t date with the intent of finding a girlfriend. If you do, first, you will be more susceptible to heartache; and second, you will miss opportunities. Date widely. Have many girl-friends. If there is one special girl, fine. But don’t date exclusively and don’t be possessive. Let her date widely as well.

Don’t be in a rush to become sexually active. There is plenty of time for this later in life. The number of sexually active teenagers is staggering. And, with the epidemic comes a host of problems—teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, suicide, rape, distorted self-images, etc. Respect women as if they were your own sister. Be patient and control the overwhelming urges that come with puberty. Practice self-control. Practice the art of making love, not love-making.

After experiencing the diversity of women, then you can begin to identify the qualities to which you are most attracted. Now as a more mature male, you can begin to experience the blessings of exclusivity. Begin to make love on a deeper level. Be willing to reveal more of yourself and expose your weaknesses. Yes, you are now more vulnerable to heartbreak, but, if you make more educated choices based on years of experience dating widely, you will be less likely to experience pain. Much of the heartache we experience is the result of not seeing incompatibility from the start. It is from jumping into relationships out of loneliness and insecurity. Exclusive dating should come at that time in life when you feel ready to consider settling down, not when you are emotionally and socially immature.

I met your mother later in life (I was 40 years old) when I was most ready. She is worth the wait. I hope that you will be as happy in marriage as I am. It is the result, though, of knowing what I wanted (and needed) and being patient. Be patient and you, too, will find the love you desire. I know you will.

When you find the one that you are meant to be with, yield yourself to her. Make her desires your desires. I am not saying that you should become a doormat—absolutely not. If you have chosen wisely, you will find that your desires are mutual, but, in cases where your desires differ, it is a sign of strength to sacrifice your will for the will of your partner. It is a weak man who goes against conscious or conviction to do as his wife demands. It is a strong man who determines that giving happiness to his wife is nobler than serving self. Choosing other over self is an act of love. Go into any relationship with the philosophy that “My God is first, my family and friends are second, and I am third” and you will be successful.

It is a challenge to yield oneself to another. Instinct is one of self-preservation. Man, however, is separated from beast by one thing—the spirit in man that allows us to enter relationships for something more than procreation. Man has the capacity to feel and express emotion. The challenge is to control and to express these feelings effectively.

Communication is critical to a successful relationship. I am still a novice at this (even at this rewrite), but even minimal improvement in skill has had a dramatic positive effect on my relationships. It is hard for us to express our needs. More often, we demand our needs be met and neglect to consider the need of others first. Stephen Covey considers one’s ability to “seek first to understand and then to be understood” as one of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And rightly so.

One of the best things your mother and I did in preparation for marriage was read Harville Hendrick’s Getting the Love You Want and attending an Imago workshop. We learned that our life experiences cause us to react in certain ways that are often contrary to our spouse’s needs. Recognizing these needs and altering our reactions—as well as expressing our own needs in a non-demanding fashion—create a more peaceful relationship that expresses love on a deeper plane. We still have our moments (yes, even after all these years), but, overall, we are happier and more satisfied in our relationship. In fact, we probably would not be together had we not begun to practice such communication early in our relationship.

Know that getting the love you desire requires work. In science, we learn that energy and momentum are conserved (e.g., energy can be neither created nor destroyed). Love, however, does not follow any physical laws. Love is spiritual; hence, it follows spiritual laws. Love given is multiplied many-fold. The love you share with another individual is not only returned many times over, but it also spreads to others. You share your happiness with others. Perhaps not directly, but your emotional state carries over to everyone with whom you come in contact.

Love is a great and wonderful thing that cannot be taken lightly. If you want to be loved, you must first love others. Make love wherever you go. Thus, you will receive abounding love in return. When others resist your love, love harder. Cast off selfish desires. Know than selfishness is a hard skin to shed. When it overtakes you, it becomes so deeply imbedded that it is hard to remove. I wish I could say that I was a truly selfless and caring individual, but I am not. I can be stubborn and uncompassionate. I can be hard-nosed and insensitive at times. Discipline and integrity can often be coupled with impatience and intolerance. Sometimes, unfortunately, I remain trapped in this predicament. I recognize it, however, and hope that I do not pass it on. Rather, it is my hope that you will not be like me and will, from the start, be compassionate and understanding. I hope that you will be selfless. My friend, Lynn, jokingly asks of her husband: “When is he going to realize that I am the center of his world?” Of course, she doesn’t really mean this, but is reflects the problems in most relationships and why more than half of today’s marriages end in divorce. People don’t get the love they desire because they don’t first make love with others. Be a strong man with compassion—a man of “steel and velvet.” Don’t let anyone convince you that being selfless is being weak. It is a weak man that demands his way and takes love. It is a strong man who can say “your happiness is most important to me” and makes love. To get love, give love. Give the love you desire!

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 11–Your Body is a Temple

When I first wrote this, Liam, you were only 46 hours old; so young and untainted by foolhardy living—unscarred by physical injury (except for your head—you tried but couldn’t quite fit through the birth canal). I looked at you in awe of your perfect little body (if 9 lb. 40 oz. is “little”?). I looked forward to watching you grow and seeing the man that you become. What will your body type be? How have your mother’s and my genes come together?

Today, as edit this, you are approaching 17 years old, over 6’3” and 220 lbs. You have grown and continue to grow—maturing toward manhood.

Whatever your body becomes, take good care of it. Treat your body as a temple. That is, respect it and care for it. Do nothing that will unnecessarily harm or injure your body. Eat and live healthy. Practice proper hygiene. Exercise. Be active. Challenge yourself but take intelligent risks. Be balanced. Practice moderation.

Be comfortable with your body. At times, you will feel awkward as your body develops. Be certain that you are not the only one who experiences this. You will have spurts of growth. You may at times feel too tall or too short; too fat or too skinny. You may feel unattractive. You may be insecure and self-conscious. Know that this is perfectly normal. Everyone experiences this—even classmates and peers that seem to have it all together. Accept who you are and seek to be the best you that you can be. Don’t let anyone convince you that you are something you are not.

You are a unique creation. No better and no worse than anyone else. Never consider yourself to be superior or inferior to anyone—only different. You are created with a unique Purpose and the gifts to go with it. Viva la difference!

Never let the comments of others trouble you. Maintain a neat, clean, healthy appearance. Be well-groomed and fit. Your body physique will probably not be “perfect” by media standards but know that the media are wrong. There is no perfect body. Magazines and television may promote one thing but look around you. How many people do you see that really look like this? Very few. In fact, you are more likely to see an image of poor health. Don’t accept an impossibly high standard for yourself. On the other hand, do not succumb to a lowered standard either. Don’t struggle to be anyone more than or settle for anyone less than the best Liam you can be. Treat your body as a temple. Treasure it. Care for it. Accept it.

Do not smoke. Stay away from tobacco smoke to the best of your ability—that is, avoid second-hand, as well as first-hand smoke. Smoke no form of tobacco, and don’t believe that smoking a pipe or cigar is not the same as a cigarette. Though you may not inhale as much directly, realize that you are creating your own secondary smoke. Keep your lungs healthy. Respect the rights of others to breath clean air. Smoking is not cool. Smoking is not attractive. Smoking is deadly.

When I first had the opportunity to teach a pathophysiology course to undergraduate sports medicine/exercise science students, it became obvious that tobacco smoke should be avoided at all costs. I told my students that, if they were uncertain of the answer to a multiple-choice exam question and “stop smoking” was a response, they should select “stop smoking”. In numerous (possibly, the majority) of health conditions, “stop smoking” is recommended in the prevention and treatment of the disease. I believe that, if we could eliminate smoking from the world, we would make great strides in eliminating much disease. Certainly, not all disease is linked to smoking, and you will find exceptions in apparently healthy people who have smoked for much of their life but be certain that you will be much better off never to have smoked.

Choose the foods you eat wisely. Eat a balanced diet and drink a lot of water. When it comes to diet, the simplest advice I can give is to eat foods high in fiber and low in fat.

Maintain a proper body composition. That is, carry only the fat your body needs and maintain good muscle tone. Your body needs some fat to be healthy. Note that even the body builders and fitness models you see in media are not always as lean as you see them. Too much fat, however, is as unhealthy as it is unsightly. As well, don’t go to extreme measures to have excessive muscle mass. Exercise. Lift weights. Eat healthy. Don’t devote excessive hours to body-building. Take no drug or harmful supplement to have a “perfect physique.” Avoid short-cuts. Train hard and train correctly—but don’t let it consume you. Practice moderation.

Exercise regularly for our health. Exercise for cardiorespiratory fitness. Resistance train for muscle strength and muscle endurance. Stretch for flexibility. Seek to maintain optimal fitness. Don’t let exercise consume your life, but don’t let life consume you and prevent you from participating in a moderate level of physical activity.

Don’t take too much stock in your outward appearance. Develop the inward man. Develop character and integrity. Develop eternal beauty—the beauty that radiates from the inside out. So many people are chasing a superficial beauty that fades faster than a springtime blossom. No amount of cosmetic surgery or makeup can hide what lies within. Vanity and conceit are destructive. Someone who has a kind and compassionate heart, however, is always beautiful despite age or scarring. Take care of what is on the inside. What is on the outside will follow.

Be adventurous but be careful. Dad always says to me, “Measure twice; saw once.” Don’t take uncalculated risks that can lead to bodily harm. Go rock-climbing or whitewater kayaking, if you like, but don’t act foolishly. Know what you are doing, know your skill and experience level.

Do not participate in self-destructive behavior. Avoid drugs. Drink alcohol only in moderation. Think safety first. Wear your seat belt. Wear a helmet (and wear it correctly) when you bike, rollerblade, skateboard, whitewater kayak/raft, rock climb, etc. Know the proper safety measures for what activities you participate. Life is not without risks—unless you do nothing. Any physical activity has inherent risks, but this should not deter you from experiencing life. Be active. Be adventurous. Be prepared. Practice under the supervision of a skilled teacher. Access the current and portage around rapids that are beyond your skill level—In other words, live to try another day. There is no shame in admitting that you are not ready to do something. Don’t let peer pressure to do anything that will bring you bodily harm.

Alcohol is a personal choice. I enjoy an occasional pint. There is no inherent good or evil in the consumption of alcohol. There is inherent danger. There is the potential for abuse and addition. Abstain, if you feel there is any possibility that it will consume you. Otherwise, partake in moderation.

Avoid drunkenness. Never drink and drive. I repeat, Never drink and drive!! Do not get in a car with a driver who has been drinking. Do not let a friend get behind the wheel of a car if he or she has been drinking. Call a cab. Call me. Better yet, don’t drink alcohol when it might lead to irresponsible behavior.

Live clean. Avoid vices, but also practice proper hygiene. Keep yourself well-groomed. Shower/bathe regularly. Brush and floss. See a dentist on a regular basis. Use deodorant. Wear clean clothes. Comb your hair.

Abstain from sexual relationships until you are physically and emotionally ready—until you are married. Yes, this sounds old-fashioned, but it will not only protect you from sexually transmitted diseases and having a child with someone you don’t love—or possibly do not know. Rather, it will allow you greater intimacy with the woman you marry. I will talk to you more about this in the next lesson.

Take care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. Avoid distressful situations. When life becomes burdensome, seek help. Life will have ups and downs. Share these with others. Don’t try to go it alone. Develop a circle of close friend in whom you trust and can confide. Talk to your family. Be open. When you are troubled, know that there are people who care.

A temple is built with mortar and stone, but it is also filled with the presence of God.

Live your faith. Researchers have shown that there is a strong correlation with health in people who practice their religion. This is more than merely going to church once a week. It is a way of life. Live your life for others and your temple will be complete.

Son, I beseech you. Treat your body as a temple. Live your life such as to maintain good health and to be injury-free. Avoid excess. Avoid that which weakens the flesh and the spirit. Do no harm to yourself or to others. Accept your body and have no distorted perceptions of it. Treat your body well and it will serve you well. Be active. Experience the healthful pleasures of life. Live. Live well. And, to quote Lance Armstrong, “Live strong.”

You have been given a tremendous gift in the body you have received. Treasure it. Care for it. Nurture it. Keep it clean and godly. Remember always that your body is a temple. Live your life accordingly.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong

LESSON 10–The Value of an Education

Knowledge will be one of your greatest possessions. Seek to gain knowledge in all that you do. Knowledge is, after all, power. Knowledge is wisdom. So, in life, learn all you can from books and schooling; experience what is valuable to your personal development; and make time to reflect on what you have learned and experienced. Learn, experience, reflect—these should be a part of your life from your first breath to your last.

From the moment you were born—and, perhaps, even before you were born—you began acquiring knowledge. As an infant the world was new to you. The amount of learning that occurs in the first years of life is astonishing. But this learning only begins to prepare you for the knowledge you will gain later in life. Learning your ABCs only prepares you to read. The ability to read—and the desire to read—is a most priceless part of your education. When I was a child, there was a public service campaign on television promoting that “reading is fundamental.” This statement is every bit as true today. Read as much and as often as you can.

Television and the movies have largely affected the amount of reading we do as a society. We are a culture that demands immediate gratification and to be entertained. Why take weeks to read a book, when Hollywood can sum it up in less than two hours? Granted, there is value in some movies and some television, and it is good relax and be entertained, but never neglect the printed word. Few have ever said that the movie was better than the book. Reading exercises your brain and stimulates your imagination. Through books you can travel to places that life might never take you. It opens worlds much different than your own. It opens you to the minds of other people and shares with you their thoughts and experiences.

Read as much as you can. Read a variety of books. Read friction, as well as nonfiction. Read poetry. Read the classics, as well as the modern best-sellers. Read history and science. Read philosophy. Read fantasy and reality. Read textbooks, as well as popular magazines. Read as much as you can get your hands on. Learn!

Books can go with you everywhere, but, more importantly, what you read in those books can be carried with you forever. Make use of the public library system. React to libraries and bookstores like a child reacts in a candy store. Be excited by all the thrilling “treats” that sit on the shelves ready to be enjoyed. Go to the library often. Acquire a personal library, as well. Enjoy reading and make reading a habit.

Beyond reading, you will have to go to school. I will do my part to make sure you have good teachers, and I will help you with your studies. In return, do your best. Take your schooling seriously and never undervalue your education. Demand that your teachers challenge you and never take the easy route. There will be numerous courses in school that you will believe to be useless—some, perhaps, will be to some degree—bear with these and seek to gain something out of them. Most courses, however, will be beneficial. Perhaps, now they will seem of little value, but there is always some value in knowledge. Therefore, give your full effort in doing well.

As a college professor, I am frustrated by the attitudes of some students, who want to be taught only that information which is going to be on the test. It is unfortunate that many young people are moved through the grade-levels being taught to the standardized tests. These students are being robbed of an understanding of the value of knowledge for knowledge’s sake. Somewhere in their education, they were cheated.

Teachers should create in their students an insatiable appetite for knowledge—a hunger pang in their brain that can never be satisfied. Instead, they make education, on one hand, boring or, on the other hand, empty entertainment. What an awful shame. Demand more of your teachers. Ask questions. Have an inquiring mind. In so doing, you will—hopefully—reawaken their enthusiasm for teaching, as well. A teacher worth his or her salt will want to be challenged and will enjoy teaching.

Respect your teachers. I can’t say that I always did this—particularly substitutes—and this I regret. I was fortunate that from kindergarten to graduation I was (overall) blessed with outstanding teachers, who have had a profound effect on my life. I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to teachers like Mr. Smith, Mrs. Moore, Ms. Romano, Mrs. Mooreland, and so many more, who taught me English, Literature, History, Science, Math, Social Studies, Art, Music, Drama, Physical Education, and a host of other topics. Value your teachers and respect them by behaving in class, being attentive, and expecting much from them.

Beyond books and the classroom, experience life. Enjoy the theater. Enjoy music and art. Travel. See the world, not only though books, but also by experience. Explore. Hike, climb, bike, or kayak—any mode of travel. See the world up close.

Learn about other cultures. Go to museums, restaurants, and befriend people of all races, religions, and ethnic origins. Take pleasure in the company of people. Learn about them. Enjoy diversity. Experience the wealth of differences you find in the world.

There is so much out there beyond your back door. Beyond the community in which you live. Experience it. See it. Make it a part of your education.

Try many things—that is, try those things which are of value. I am not suggesting that you experiment with drugs and sex and the like—absolutely not. Don’t put your life in danger. Rather try things that make you a better person. Explore your talents. Try art. Try music. Try acting. Try different sports.

Don’t limit yourself. Experience different tastes—tastes in music, art, literature. Go to musicals and enjoy stage acting. See art up close. Learn the difference between Monet and Manet; Remington and Rembrandt; impressionism and cubism. Enjoy that in one hand the violin can be a melodic concerto and in another the hee haw of “Cotton-eyed Joe.” See the many sides of Broadway—be it Les Misérables or Spamelot. Enjoy the good in all music—classical, jazz, big band, rock, disco, country, bluegrass, …, hip-hop, and bebop. Some things you will like. Other things you will not. It doesn’t matter. Just experience them.

As you learn and experience, take time to reflect. Take quite time to yourself and consider all that you are learning and experiencing. How does it all fit together? Where does it all fit with your Purpose? “What is the meaning of life?” is, perhaps, an unanswerable question—at least currently in your existence, but it is worth pondering. Take a break now and then and ask yourself the deeper questions of life. Search for answers. Philosophize. Think. Look deep into the blue sky or the stars of heaven on a clear night and dare to ask yourself “Why?” Ask, and be still. Listen for the answer. Reflect.

Pray. Ask God for guidance. Meditate. Let God answer in his time. Don’t try to force the answers you want to hear. Listen.

Seek places where you can be alone in your thoughts. Such places can be found deep in the woods, high on a mountain top, along the banks of a stream, paddling alone on a quite lake or stream, or sitting on a rock in the desert. Such places can even be found in the city—I often found Central Park a refuge in New York City, but one can also escape by closing his/her eyes and relaxing to the rocking of a subway car. You can find solitude wherever you seek it. The key is to take time to reflect on all that you are experiencing. Don’t get overwhelmed by the fast pace of life. As it is said, “take time to smell the roses”—reflect!!

Never stop learning. Begin with a solid formal education, but never stop learning. Value education. When graduation day comes, don’t stop there. Keep your hunger for knowledge alive.

Whether you elect to work a trade, be an artisan, or become a professional, go to and graduate from college. Seek a liberal education. While many schools and programs are getting increasingly specialized, there has been an erosion of the liberal education. It seems that universities offer as few courses in the arts and humanities as are necessary and fill students’ schedules with career-specific courses. Don’t fall into this trap. Art/music appreciation, literature, cultural studies, language, etc. should be as valued as math and the sciences, and vice versa. Become a truly educated person—civilized as the great seventeenth century enlightened Scots would have put it. As such, you will find yourself at ease in most any circumstances.

Don’t seek out the easiest classes and the easiest professors. Demand to be challenged. While grades are important—and you should strive for all A’s—it is more important that you take something from the class with you. While you will forget much of the details of what you learn in class, it will, nevertheless, become a part of you, subtly showing itself in the man you are becoming. Remember, you are a product of all your experiences. Orison Swett Marden wrote that “you enjoy the sum of all the past every moment of your life” (He Can Who Thinks He Can, p. 204). This is true. History, knowledge, and experience have a cumulative effect. The more you learn from these, the more you will contribute to the welfare of others—and yourself.

Education is a privilege, not a right. Respect it. Value it. Obtain it. Don’t miss any opportunity to become better educated. Seize every occasion while you are in school and continue to acquire knowledge throughout your life. Share your knowledge. Teach, if not as your profession, in your profession. Mentor. Seek guidance from others. Seek the wisdom of people wiser than yourself. Never consider your education complete. Be like a sponge, absorbing information wherever you can. Learn, experience, and reflect.

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong

LESSON 9–When You Fall Down

When things go wrong and they sometimes will;

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high;

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit—

Rest if you must but don’t you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are;

It may be near when you think it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit—

It’s when things go wrong that you mustn’t quit.

–author unknown

When you fall—and you will—pick yourself up. Whether it is falling off you bike or stumbling in your spiritual life, remember, I will be there for you. More importantly, God will be there for you. You have the strength to overcome whatever brings you down. When you fall, get up.

I have a favorite wrestling story I like to tell. I don’t have a lot of stories that don’t end up with me getting pinned, so this is especially good. The match started with the referee’s whistle, and I went immediately to one of my favorite moves—the head and arm, which, when executed properly, can bring your opponent quickly to his back. In this case, the move worked, my opponent “Leroy” was on his back. Unfortunately, I could not seem to get his left shoulder to the mat. As I struggled to pin Leroy, he struggled to survive the first period. We battled in this position for nearly the entire two-minute period. From one side of the mat, my teammates were yelling “Pin him, Jeff. Pin him!” From the other side, I could hear “Get off your back, Leroy!” After repeated encouragement from his teammates to get of his back, I heard Leroy faintly reply to his teammates “I can’t!” Shortly thereafter, Leroy succumbed, and I pinned him. Remember: “Can’t never done nuthin’.” Leroy needed only to hang on a few more seconds and the period would have ended. He would have been down only 5 points with a fresh start in the second period, but he gave up.

You will be down often in life with no apparent escape. Hang in there, this too shall pass. Have faith. Trust in God. Trust in yourself. You are not without talent and gifts. You can and will if you try. Don’t ever listen to the voices that say, “you can’t”. Listen to the words of encouragement that you receive from the ones who love you. Understand forgiveness and grace. Know that “for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity” (Proverbs 26:16, NIV). God will always be there to help you up.

When asked “How do you recover from disaster?”, Eleanor Roosevelt responded “You do it by meeting it and going on. From each you learn something, from each you acquire additional strength and confidence in yourself to meet the next one when it comes” (You Learn by Living, p. 33). Son, you will fail in life. Don’t let your failures shame you. Be ashamed when you lack the fortitude and courage to face your failures and learn from them.

Failure is taboo in our society. Educators claim that we damage children by pointing out their failures. What a load of horse manure! Yes, belittling someone for their disappointments is wrong, but to deny them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes is worse. Men of character do not develop when coddled and shielded from reality. When a teacher grades your paper or exam, there is nothing wrong with him/her using red ink. Do not view the red ink as failure, but as opportunity—an opportunity to learn and to grow. What is education, after all, if not a series of failures followed by successes? Accept the red ink with thankfulness. Demand to be challenged and rise to the occasion! Rise up whenever you fall down!

Sometimes you will fall hard. You will have scrapes and cuts—perhaps even broken bones. These wounds will heal, but if you choose to lay down in defeat where you have fallen, you will never develop character. You will never know victory. You will never know what it is like to have finished the race. You may fall seven times, but, each time, get up. Keep moving forward. I heard it said somewhere that “if you fall flat on your face, at least you are going forward.” Press on toward your goal. No one can keep you down except yourself. Be courageous. Be persistent. Do not fear falling. When you do, get up. Never say “I can’t.” You may cross the finish line bloodied, limping, and in last place, but you crossed—you finished the race. This is most important.

Never be afraid to admit your mistakes. We are all flawed. Admitting to mistakes is the first step in correcting them. Analyze your failures. Set goals for yourself; set forth to accomplish them. Reflect on your performance. What kept you from success? If you succeeded, what contributed to your achievement? Set your goals ever higher. Never rest on your laurels or concede defeat. Press forward to ever more perfect success.

I have failed often. I have seen discouragement. I have often wanted to quit. I have thought myself a loser. I have often thought that I was destined to fail. But I must admit that I am not always right. I have listened to the voices of doubt. They are convincing, but they must be ignored.

I heard a message once in church about the “four enemies of faith”—fear, doubt, anxious care, and human reasoning. These are identified by Christ when he addressed his disciples. Four times he addresses his disciples as “you of little faith”: when they were frightened by a storm (Matthew 8:26), when Peter doubted that he could walk on the water (Matthew 14:31), when he challenged their tendencies to worry about life (Matthew 6:30), and when he cautioned them about the yeast—teachings or reasoning—of the Pharisees and Sadducees (Matthew 16:8). Likewise, these are the enemies of any good in your life. They will hold you back from true success in your relationships and your intellectual and physical pursuits. Fear paralyzes you and prevents you from moving forward. Doubt challenges your “can do” attitude and tells you that you can’t accomplish your goals. Anxious care refers to the day-today concerns of life that distract you and prevent you from challenging yourself and pursuing your dreams. Human reasoning involves your thought processes telling you that, rationally, something is not possible. Human reasoning, however, relies only on experience and the conclusions of the human mind. Your capabilities and the solutions to your problems, however, often lie well beyond your own understanding. Do not let these hold you back. Overcome them and press on.

Do not face discouragement alone. When you feel beaten down and tired, bring your burden to someone who can help. When you have fallen and feel like you can’t get up again, reach out. God will always be there to help you up. I will be there to help you up. Never feel unloved or alone. You have others besides yourself on whom you can rely. Ask for help when you need it. Never be ashamed. Too many people go it alone in life, thinking that they are unloved. This is a horrible shame.

Do not fear challenge and difficulty. You can take the easy path in life, but the view will not be as spectacular. You can observe the mountains from the valley, and the view may be inspiring. Or you can climb the mountain and view the valley from the peak—the scene is likely to be far more breathtaking. Not only will the view from the top be awe inspiring, but the journey to the top will also  be filled with its own experiences. The climb may be hard, but never doubt that it is worth it.

Do not fear change in your life. Change will come often and always for the best. Often, your greatest setback will open the door for spectacular change. Often, you will be charging forward in pursuit of a goal only to have everything “fall apart.” Do focus on the presumed failure. Look to the horizon for what God has in store for you. Be patient. Pray often. Your next step will be revealed to you. More times than not, you will find yourself going in a completely unexpected direction. It may seem wrong at the time. You may try to hold with tenacity on to your goal, but should the same opportunity keep presenting itself, do not deny the path that is before you. Over time, you will look back on your life and see that every occurrence—while seemingly unconnected—has led to where you are. If you had not failed or succeeded at precisely the right time, you may not have ended up with the experience and insight to succeed where you are.

Bruce Willis’ character in the movie, The Kid, had to face the boy inside him before he could realize his success. Together, they overcame the emotional demons that kept him from success. They lived their life thinking that they are failures. Once they accepted their faults and the circumstances of their past, the future opened for them. They got everything they had ever dreamed of—the timing just had to be right. Anyone who has ever thought him/herself to be a failure can’t help but tear up a bit when the man sees his future and raises his arms in exclaiming: “I’m not a loser!” You are certainly not a loser.

There is no shame in failing—in falling. Let no one convince you otherwise. Failure can be a curse or a blessing. The choice is yours. I hope, however, that you will welcome failure—not as your fate in life, but as the forger of character and the teacher of wisdom. If you choose to accept failure as a blessing, you will find that failure comes less often (or more accurately, it will be overshadowed by the successes in your life). All the many failures and struggles that I have experienced have brought me to this moment—blessed with a terrific son and a fulfilling life. I wouldn’t change a thing! So, son, when life knocks you down, get up and dust yourself off; smile and press on. Rise up whenever you fall down!

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong

LESSON 8–Remember to Play After Every Storm

We discussed in an earlier lesson that trials will undoubtedly come in life. They are, no doubt, a part of life. The sky will, at times, be dark and storm clouds will loom. Remember, however, that storms pass. The storms of life are not everlasting. Just as God left the rainbow as a sign to Noah, we, too, can trust that the storms will not overwhelm us. The sun will come again.

I have been deeply moved by the poetry of Mattie Stepanek—a boy not without his own storms of life—who, in his all-too-short life, taught me to “always remember to play after every storm.” What an insightful young man!

Don’t let the difficulties you face get the best of you. In an earlier lesson, we talked about trials. Expect them and learn from them. When they pass, remember to play after every storm. The ups in life will outnumber the downs. Joy will overcome the sorrow. The hurt will fade.

Trials in life are as certain as death and taxes. When the pain of life gets the better of you, realize that it will make you stronger, if you choose to learn from its lessons. Life will be hard, but you will get through it. When you do, celebrate. Take pleasure in life, knowing that you can and will overcome. Play after every storm.

I heard a story once about a man who was found hitting himself in the head with a 2×4. When asked “Why?” the man responded, “Because it feels so good when I stop.” I am not suggesting that you start hitting yourself in the head with boards or that you seek trials and difficulties in your life—believe me, they will find you easy enough! No, what I want you to understand is that when difficult times come your way, don’t be overwhelmed. Rather than surrender to a “woe is me” attitude, accept the challenge as a growth opportunity. Examine your circumstances and evaluate yourself. What lesson are you to learn? What weakness is being revealed? What character are you developing? How is this situation helping to lead you to the fulfillment of your Purpose? When you respond this way, you will find your burden lessened and joy will abound.

This may be likened to the athlete training for competition. No athlete steps out into the competitive arena without preparation. Athletes train hard. They sweat. They push themselves to their physical and psychological limits. They hurt, but they know that their bodies will recover and adapt. In exercise science, this is referred to as the “overload principle”—for a body system to adapt, it must be pushed harder than that to which it has become accustomed. So it is in life. To grow, you must extend beyond your comfort zone. You must be overloaded Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, Socially, and Spiritually to grow as a person.

The physical aspect of growth is easy to see. When you lift weights, for example, your muscles grow and your strength increases. When a marathoner runs for aerobic endurance, her heart and lungs are strengthened—she can deliver more oxygen to her muscles and the muscles are better able to utilize this oxygen—and she can run longer and faster. Any physical challenge to the body forces it to adapt and be better able to adapt to the stresses placed upon it.

To become educated, you must be challenged intellectually. First, you learned to count to ten, then to one-hundred. Soon you could add and subtract numbers. Over time, you mastered complex word problems and will, one day, even master integral calculus. You began with small words and progressively learned to read and process more complicated thoughts and ideas. The human mind requires mental stimulation to expand. We will talk about the value of education in another lesson.

Your emotions will be like a roller coaster throughout life. You’ll have highs, and you’ll have lows. Humans are, after all, emotional creatures. You will experience great joy in life. You will experience great sorrow. At times, your emotions will confuse and bewilder you. This is all part of life. Count it a blessing that you can experience the breadth of human emotion. Imagine what life will be like without any emotion—in some catatonic state. While you might not feel pain, you would also feel no joy. What a horrible life that would be. Realize that your ability to feel is one of the great gifts God has given you. You cannot experience joy without knowing sorrow, and vice versa.

Many relationships will end in heartache. You will give your heart to people only to have it stepped on. You will love and lose. You will know unreciprocated love. But you will one day know and receive unconditional love from someone, and all the pain and heartbreak of lost love will fade, and the accompanying elation will seem even greater for the hurt that came before. In this relationship, you will know what it is to play after every storm. I look forward to the day when you can look into the eyes of your spouse and see a glow that beams from the depths of her soul. It is this gleam in her eyes that will let you know that you are loved. It is the rainbow that follows the storm.

The pain you will feel at the loss of a loved one serves as a reminder of how significant that relationship was in your life. In these moments, grieve, but remember to play after every storm. Don’t dwell on your loss. Focus on what you gained from the time you spent with this individual. Share the memories. Laugh. Help others to do the same. When a loved one dies, we can’t change the past. We can’t bring them back. We can, however, keep them alive in our memories. Think of the joy they brought you—not the pain. If you are unsettled because there was failure in the relationship, look to correct it by making right the relationships that remain in your life.

The hurt you feel in the death of a loved one is pure selfishness. They have gone on to a better place. In the twinkling of an eye, they are with their Creator. You hurt because you are left behind to resolve the past and live on into the future. The past is behind you. No amount of emotional suffering will change this. Your future, however, is a fresh slate. Put on joy and face the opportunities! Play, my son!

Socially, you will face frequent storms. You will make mistakes. You will say and do the wrong things. You will embarrass yourself (and I will embarrass you even more). You will feel at some moments as a social outcast, but know that this, too, shall pass. Learn to laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

As I sit, now, writing this (and again rewriting this), I am trying to recall significant moments of embarrassment I suffered as a child or young adult. I am struggling to remember any. Why, because I was a flawless child and never experienced humiliation? Hardly. In fact, I am sure that I had what seemed like more than my share of awkward moments. But, in time, they fade as forgotten memories—as they should. Forget about them. Learn to accept your mistakes. Learn to laugh at those mortifying events in your life. Be able to—when someone says, “Hey, remember that time you…?”—laugh and respond by saying, “Oh, yeah. That was funny, wasn’t it?” If the person has malicious intent, your ability to laugh at yourself robs them of the opportunity to humiliate you. Chances are, in hindsight, it was funny.

On this same point, don’t laugh at another’s expense. That is, don’t make fun of other people. I can remember many times being on the bullying end of the teasing. I wonder how I might have scarred my classmates. In many cases, it was going along with the crowd. More often, though, it was the result of the mixed-up emotions and lack of social skills that comes with being a child. It is a shame that many of these classmates will never know that they were teased because I didn’t know how to be their friend. You know how it feels to be on the receiving end. Why cause another such pain? Better to make yourself the butt of your jokes. Remember, that most people may laugh on the outside to mask their pain and embarrassment on the inside. Their laughter should not be taken as support for your cruelty. Respect the feelings of others. Befriend the classmate that others pick on—you will soon learn that they have qualities that others don’t see. Live your life as to hurt no one. When you are hurt, don’t return malice with malice. Remember to play after every storm.

Your spirituality and faith will come into question often—particularly in life’s darkest storms. Trust that you are a part of something far greater than yourself. Trust that there is a Purpose to your existence and that the present storm plays a part in its fulfillment. Trust in your Creator and know that he will never leave you or forsake you. God will complete in you the good work he has started (Philippians 1:6). When you put your confidence in God, you are comforted in the storm and will soon find yourself in a peaceful calm. Remember in your heart David’s psalm:

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me (Psalm 13, NIV).

David faced many storms in his life, but always remembered to play after every storm. I encourage you to always do the same.

Consider what follows a storm. Yes, in many storms there is great destruction, but after a storm everything is clean and there is freshness in the air. The world seems at peace. There is a certain calm that follows. What the storm destroys can be rebuilt—often stronger and more beautifully. That which is strong weathers the storm and remains. Thus, we are in the storms of life. Our strength of character is revealed, and our weakness washed away. We are cleansed and refreshed. We enjoy the calm and see the rainbow of promise that traverses the sky. We know that we have survived. As a child, we would run to play in the fresh puddles and mud left behind by the storm. As you mature and become a man, don’t ever forget this, and remember to play after every storm!

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022

LESSON 7–Love Your Neighbor

To love your neighbor is no small order. You will meet all kinds of people in your life. Some you will admire and like. Some you will dislike. Some you will distain. To others you may be ambivalent. Whatever your feelings about the person, love your neighbor!

To love your neighbor does not mean that you must necessarily like them. There are numerous people I do not like and for whom I have little tolerance. I, nevertheless, must love them. I must consider their well-being as well as my own. This is all part of being a good citizen and a spiritual person. Despite your personal feelings and the actions of others, love your neighbor.

We are fast becoming a selfish, inconsiderate society. It is “me first and damn the rest.” Do not let this become your nature! I keep an autographed copy of Gale Sayers autobiography, I am Third—the great Bears running back whose relationship with Brian Piccolo inspired the movie Brian’s Song. The title of the book comes from a quote that Gale Sayers got from his track coach at Kansas State University: “My God is first, my family are second, and I am third.” This statement has been a model of life for me since my early teens. It epitomizes the standards by which I want you to live. God is always first. The priorities of family and friends come second. Personal wants and desires come last. This statement does not go on to say, “everyone else is last” or “to hell with the rest.” I believe the implication is that everyone falls ahead of self. Even your enemies are to be treated like friends. “I am third” implies that you are to live your life selflessly and to the betterment of others. Now this does not mean at all that you are to suffer hardship or ill-health for others. You must care for yourself to the extent that you are able, then, to help others. Here there is a fine line between putting others or yourself first.

There is no greater love than for one to lay down his life for another. One may lay down his life by physically dying to save another. One may lay down his life by living his life in service for others. One may lay down his life by sacrificing his dreams for another. There may be a time when you must risk your life for the sake of another. Do not be afraid to take this risk. Do not, however, act foolishly in some perceived act of valor. Act reasonably and responsibly, but never cherish your life above that of anyone. There is no greater act of love than dedicating your life in the service of others. And, when you grow older and acquire more responsibilities, expect that there will be times when you will have to lay aside your wants for the needs of others. Never consider such a thing an act of weakness. Consider, rather, the great strength and love it takes to set aside your wants to satisfy another.

In college, I was asked to write a paper on the “Tragedy of the Commons” written by Garrett Hardin in 1968. In a nutshell, the commons referred to man’s ability to freely use limited resources and return wastes to the earth. Obviously, because it still affects me over 20 years later, the assignment had a profound effect on me. I hope I can pass the effect on to you. Your relationship with your neighbor is reflected in the commons. The commons is a pasture to be used by all. Herdsman raising cattle and sheep can keep as many as possible without depleting its capacity to feed all the livestock. Rationally, the herdsmen will seek to maximize their gain. Ultimately, the herdsman asks himself, “What would be the harm in adding one more animal to my herd?” Of course, one animal may not necessarily over burden the pasture. But when every herdsman takes the same approach, the pasture rapidly becomes overgrazed. Originally, Garrett Hardin’s article was confronting overpopulation, but it has implications in so many aspects of society.

Treat all decisions from the perspective of the commons. Ask yourself: “How will my action affect my neighbor.” If you throw your candy wrapper on the ground, this of and by itself will not overburden the environment. But consider the effect of every one of the 7 billion plus people inhabiting the earth littering the ground with a candy wrapper. It becomes easy to see that every action, whether positive or negative, even if small, can influence others. Your conscious choice to conserve, recycle, or save can have an effect. Make even the smallest effort to preserve your environment and you will contribute to the efforts to preserve the world for future generations. The power of one is a tremendous thing. Multiplied many-fold it is awesome.

Make a choice, today, to help someone in need. Make a choice to conserve one drop of water or fuel. Recycle even one item. Buy one product that doesn’t contain petroleum products. Insist that companies don’t waste in their production or packaging. Make choices that preserve the commons. It is well that you make decisions on to over burden the commons, but also make a conscious effort to give back to the commons. Plant a tree. Teach. Volunteer. Offer a kind word. Stand in defiance against hatred, prejudice, and injustice. Love your neighbor as yourself!

The smallest act of kindness can have a profound effect. The concept of the movie Pay It Forward is awesome. You do something nice for three people with the expectation that, rather than pay you back; they do something nice for three more people. Before long, there is an explosion of selfless behavior. You should never expect anything in return for your acts of generosity. Always do what is best for the commons.

Loving your neighbor means many things. It means doing them no harm. It means offering your assistance when you are able. It means giving the gift of your time and resources. It means listening when you want to talk; giving when you want to take. It means yielding to the will of others. It means not judging. It means tolerance. It means patience. It means being kind when you don’t want to be. It means sacrifice. It means forgiveness. Loving your neighbor means acting is such a way as to mutually benefit all people.

Your neighbor is not just the person next door. It is the person across town. It is the person on the other side of the country—on the other side of the world. Your neighbor is male and female. Your neighbor is of all faiths. Your neighbor is of all colors, cultures, and lifestyles. Your neighbor is your friend. Your neighbor is your enemy. Love your neighbor!

How do you love your enemy? It is challenging. It does not mean that you must like them. It does not mean that you are weak and let them take advantage. Show them kindness and you will pour hot coals on their head. I wish I could say that I do this well—hardly. In fact, it is one of my greatest faults. I am not always quick to let go of anger. Don’t let me pass this on to you. Carry no grudge. Be quick to forgive. Return malice with compassion. Seek, as Stephen Covey wrote in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, first to understand. Attempt to know from where your enemy is coming—what is their perspective—before you attempt to force your ideas upon them. Seek them no harm. Be merciful. Be patient. Be civil. Take the moral high road. Remember that “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (I Cor. 13:4-7, NIV). Do these things. Show love in these ways, yes, even to those whom you do not like.

Do not judge people. Treat everyone the same. Throughout life, you will be exposed to people of all colors, ethnicities, religions, viewpoints, and lifestyles. Never believe yourself superior. Never believe someone inferior. We all have the same Creator. Each has his or her unique Purpose. There is none greater than another. We all have strengths. We all have weaknesses.

Celebrate diversity. Know that diversity is not just in color and gender, but in all the qualities that make us unique and special. Welcome all people into your life. Study them. Learn about other cultures. Learn about other religions. When their viewpoints differ from your own, do not think them wrong. Be strong in your convictions but be tolerant of the other’s convictions. Do not support or condone sin, but do not hate the sinner. Remember that as you judge others, so too shall you be judged.

If you are going to stand firm in your beliefs, be without hypocrisy. Judge only yourself. Be sure that your actions are right with God and leave the judgment of others to him. Set the example. Set the standard. Be a leader. Be a man of integrity and conviction. Do nothing that will tarnish your reputation. Rather, do nothing that will harm your relationship with God. And as God is love, so then should you love your neighbor!

Be a friend to all. It is best that you have no enemies—that you be liked by all. But understand that you do not have to sacrifice your integrity to be liked. Be honest and upright. Speak your mind, but never with malicious intent. Speak ill of no one. Avoid gossip. Avoid strife. If you argue with someone, be sure that your words do not become personal. You may certainly disagree with someone’s ideas, but challenge the idea, not the person. Never let disagreements get in the way of your relationships. To the extent that you are able, see the others’ point of view. Make your point of view clear. In the end, it is better to agree to disagree than to lose a friendship. Love your neighbor!

Carpe momento!!

© W. Jeffrey Armstrong, 2022