Month: February 2018

Growth takes time.  I was chatting this Sunday with one of my son’s wrestling coach, and I appreciated hearing his projections of where he will be with the sport by high school.  Too often with young athletes (and kids, in general), we want to see immediate success.  We forget that there is much growth and failure that needs to happen before lasting success occurs.  My son is still a boy, though he is fast catching up to me in height.  The real physical changes have yet to develop.  Moreover, there is much growth that needs to happen emotionally.  As a parent, I am learning to be patient.

As adults, we tend to forget that our own growth takes time.  Until we are in the grave, there is room for growth Spiritually, Intellectually, and, yes, Emotionally and Socially.  Even Physically, there is opportunity to progress.

Physically, unless we are already maintaining a high level of fitness, there is room to progress.  True the gains may be much smaller and slower than they might have come in our 20s, but they can come.  It is never too late to start.  We just can’t expect overnight results—no matter what the fitness trainers promise.

We can add strength and, subsequently, muscle, if we train accordingly.  It isn’t easy and the progress is very slow, but it can be done—even into our 50s and beyond.  Diet and recovery are important, but the training stimulus must be specific to the desired results.

We can achieve a (healthy) lean physique, if so desired.  We just can’t eat like a teenager in puberty and must make healthy food choices.

There is no reason why one has to age according to societal expectations.  Age is not a disability.  Disease and decline are not absolutes.

At any point in life, we can make the decision to be your best today and be better tomorrow.  “Better” is a process.  It requires patience.

Carpe momento!

The importance of teaching is often underestimated—even by teachers.  Teaching is common in my family.  I have two aunts and a cousin who are retired teachers, sisters and a cousin who currently teach, and I am a university professor.  We know what it is like to see small paychecks and be frustrated with a system that is increasingly failing our kids.  As a teacher, though, I don’t let teachers off the hook so easily.  We chose a profession that is never going to make us rich.  We have to accept this.  We have to find our reward in the intangible.

I have heard many teachers complain about their jobs.  In some cases, the complaints are warranted.  Nonetheless, the role of the teacher is to elevate society.  Sadly, the role is perceived by many—some teachers, but mostly parents, students, and politicians—to produce graduates.  Teachers are evaluated based upon test scores and graduation rates rather than the quality of the citizens they produce.  As a result, standards get lowered and teachers lose the opportunity to shape society.  There are teachers who are content with this.  Many more are not.  Sadly, it is the best teachers who are penalized in such a system.

Teachers should be paid more.  There is no doubt about this.  But, there needs to be strings attached.  As a society, we should want the best teachers teaching our children.  Unfortunately, the best teachers are often given the most difficult circumstances and rewarded the same as poorer teachers.  Tenure is almost guaranteed for teachers.  The most caring teachers put in the longest hours—preparing course material, grading student work, meeting with parents and students, etc.—with no added reward other than a “thank you” (if they are lucky).

I am often the most critical of teachers because I am one.  I see the progressive slipping of preparedness in my college students.  I see the expectation to just be passed along and to be given what is needed to pass the test.  Sometimes the really great teachers are lost in the shadows of a system that fails our youth.

A good education isn’t determined by the dollars spent, but the continued erosion of funding by politicians does our students and teachers no service.  Politicians need to fund schools and communities need to demand results.  Provide salaries that will draw the best teachers, but only keep and promote those who get the job done.

When test scores are the standard for success, the result will be higher test scores and an uneducated population.  Frankly, teaching to the test is easy.  Expanding the minds and opportunities for young people is what educators do.  Politicians and many parents seem clueless to this.

Teachers shape society.  As parents and taxpayers, we are trusting in the system to produce productive citizens.  I know most teachers try.  Unfortunately, many allow for the erosion of discipline and the evolution of entitlement.  Many believe that self-esteem is something to be protected rather than something that is to be forged.  Many believe that failure is somehow demeaning to a child.  The system is creating an environment that shields children from conflict thus prohibiting the development of very necessary social skills.

The purpose of education is not to provide a document of completion.  Rather it is to provide an open door.  It is to reveal to the student a universe of opportunity.

Equality in education is a falsehood.  Equity should be the goal of education.  In other words, each child is to be afforded the best opportunity to fulfill his or her purpose.

As a society, we can begin with greater gratitude for those who teach.  With gratefulness, we must demand the most of our teachers—and reward those who make our communities stronger with more than a “thank you”.  We must emphasize education, not as a right or privilege, but as an opportunity.

We must expect more of our students.  Our teachers deserve our support, and our students must understand that it is their responsibility to perform.  A degree should not be a participation trophy.  A parents our tax and tuition dollars do not buy a degree—they buy an education and a path to opportunity.

Educators will never be paid enough.  When we understand the value of teachers, we will always get more than we pay for.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Photo source: dirtt.net

I admit that I struggle to maintain a positive attitude some (many) days.  I start off with every intention of having a positive day, then something happens—usually it is merging into traffic.  If I am lucky, I can make it well into the day before my attitude goes on life support.

Our attitude is a matter of choice.  Unfortunately, it is not simply a daily choice.  Some days, it is a frequent choice.  It is not only a matter of how we start the day, but also a matter of how we persist through the day.

A positive attitude follows principles similar to Newton’s laws of motion: inertia and reactive forces.  We must start the day with a grateful attitude (grattitude), but we must also resist the forces that might knock us off course.

I start my day with journaling—focusing on well-centered goals and rehearsing my mission and values.  In addition, I spend time considering the “opportunities” (I prefer “opportunities” to “challenges”) that confront me.  I emphasize “from have to get”—per Andy Lausier.  This daily routine helps overcome the inertia and sets me off on a positive path.  I am, however, challenged to maintain this path.

Once I let negativity in, it is destructive to my grattitude.  The daily challenge is to not allow negativity to get a footing.  This is a choice.  If I choose to allow even the slightest negativity, the result is solely my responsibility.  Sadly, there are times when I open the gate to negativity and don’t really care.  I hate those times.  I hate it because it takes greater effort to overcome the negativity and start fresh the next day.  I more I let my grattitude slip, the more challenging it is to get back to positive.

The life of grattitude may be long or short.  The choice is ours.

Carpe momento!

Certainly, the most important aspect of diet is how much you eat (relative to your activity level).  A NY Times reporter recently reported on a research paper, titled “Effect of Low-Fat vs Low-Carbohydrate Diet on 12-Month Weight Loss in Overweight Adults and the Association with Genotype Pattern or Insulin Secretion” (JAMA, 018;319(7):667-679. doi:10.1001/jama.2018.0245).  The reporter suggested that the researchers concluded that diet quality rather than quantity mattered most in weight loss.  The study examined diets of high-quality carbs v. high-quality fats.  Whatever the diet, the researchers reported a 500-kcal reduction and overall weight loss in both groups.  There was quite a range between weight loss and weight gain in both groups, and, bottom line, the researchers didn’t test for quality v. quantity.

We’d like to think that we can eat all that we want and lose weight, but this is simply not true.  The take home from the actual study (not the Times article) is that one should eat foods that are the most filling and nutrient dense.  When one eats a diet of quality carbs (i.e., high fiber) or quality fat one is more likely to limit calories without counting.  Still, calories do matter.

I always preferred Covert Bailey’s (Fit or Fat) target approach.  Basically, choose carbs that are highest in fiber and meats and dairy that are lowest in fat.  When fats are eaten, they should be of the healthy variety—olive oil, coconut oil, grain-fed butter, fish oils, and nuts.  Limit sugars and refined carbs.  The greater sense of fullness will prevent over-eating.  Whether you prefer a high-fat/low-carb approach or a low-fat/high-carb approach, it doesn’t matter—as long as one is in caloric balance.

Carbs are essential for anyone who is involved with intensive exercise.  The less active person might benefit from higher fat and lower carb.  Key is to figure out what works for you.  Either way, calories do count.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

They were calling for snow Tuesday.  In Portland, Oregon, that means worry about school delays and early closings.  It means I get e-mails from college students asking if they will be able to make up the exam, if they can’t make it to class.  Mind you, not a flake of snow has even begun to fall.

I know I am a bit insensitive.  I grew up in Pittsburgh and spent most of my life in Michigan, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia.  I consider driving in the snow a normal part of life.  I grew up with school delays happening only when there were several inches on the ground.  I know I should be more understanding.

What gets to me most is the panic that ensues when snow is predicted.  The idea of snow sends everyone fishtailing.

We are no different in life.  We fear the unknown.  We worry about what might happen tomorrow.  Oh, the energy that is wasted.

I have a weather app on my phone.  I rarely use it.  If I do, it is to confirm whether I should carry my rain jacket to work.  (In Oregon, if it is a non-workday or after work, there is no question whether I am wearing shorts.  I am.)  Otherwise, if I want to know the weather, I look outside.

Predictions about the weather are rarely accurate.  Predictions about what might happen to us tomorrow (or even later today) are even less faithful.  “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34, NIV).

Take life a moment at a time—carpe momento.  There is nothing we can do about the future other be our best today.  Tomorrow will be what it will be.  It may snow.  It, more than likely, probably won’t.  What good does it do to panic and cancel what good might come?  Prepare, but don’t worry.  Don’t put your life on hold because of what might happen.  Live!  And, if it snows, don’t be afraid to drive in it.

If you want to make the world a safe place, engage with your children.  Be a beacon of safety.  Be the example of responsibility and integrity the world needs.

We must protect our children—and by “our children”, I mean ALL children.  I don’t mean we should shield them from the evil of the world.  Rather, I mean we need to give them the skills to confront evil.

Children need to know there is good in the world—no matter how bad the world is around them.  They need to know they are loved and accepted.  They don’t need to know that they are perfect—they are not.  They don’t need to the delusion that the world is going to be good to them.  They just need to know that someone cares.

We must set higher standards for our youth.  They don’t need “safe places”.  They need to be safe.  They don’t have to believe that everyone loves them.  They just need to know that someone loves them.  We need to expect more, not less, out of our youth.

Failure and disappointment are a healthy part of growing up.  We are damaging a generation by leading them to believe that they are entitled to anything that they have not earned.  It is harmful to our society to raise our children with the expectation that everyone will treat them the way they want to be treated.

Nonetheless, we must teach our children to love others—to respect others.  We must teach our children to stand for the oppressed—and we must teach them by example.  “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).  We can’t preach this on Sunday and not live it on Monday.

There is much discussion on social media about legislation and security measures to protect our children in school.  In the short-term, these measures are necessary.  In the long-term, they will do nothing to make our children safe.  Evil will always find its way.  If our children are to be truly safe, we must enable them to make themselves safe.

The greatest problems facing us, today, are Spiritual.  Thus, the solutions are Spiritual.  By “Spiritual”, I don’t mean that our problems are a “religion”, “sin”, or even “God” thing.  The Spiritual problems of our society stem from humankind growing increasingly entitled and alienated. We are failing to teach our children social skills.  Worse, we are not allowing them the freedom to develop these.  In allowing them the freedom to hurt and be hurt, we open the door to see better what they need.

I believe our schools have become overly protective.  Just as we are learning that excessive use of antibacterial soap has been detrimental to our immunity, I believe we are going to come to see that our efforts—albeit well-meaning—to shield kids from teasing and bullying are leaving them weakened to the realities that face them as adults.  Shielding them from failure is setting them up to be devastated by the rejection they will at some time face in life.  I don’t want for any child to be teased or bullied.  I wish that every child could be on the winning team, but that is not reality.  What is real is that we will fall in life.  What is real is that falling is okay.  What is real is that every child is worthy of love and needs to experience love.

If we want our schools to be safe, we must look for the patterns that indicate that a child is hurting.  We need to teach our children to look for these patterns, to be welcoming, and to be strong enough to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves.

We need to arm teachers and coaches—not with guns—but with the skills to recognize when a child is in need and to recognize the leaders who are willing to stand in and step up—and let them stand.  Moreover, each of us needs to accept OUR responsibility to change the world for the better.

Carpe momento!

“What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day, and altering the trajectory of our world.”—Glennon Doyle Melton*

*https://www.rd.com/advice/parenting/stop-bullying-strategy/#.WnFlnKwVoBA.facebook

“At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other-focused.”—Joe Ehrmann

In light of the discussions on social media regarding school shootings and school violence, in general (a friend shared with me about a girl in Pennsylvania who plotted to harm—kill—a fellow student using her pineapple allergy), I came across an article suggested that the solution is to “notice those around you who seem isolated, and engage them” (Rob Myers)*.  I believe this.  I continue to argue that we all have a role in ending these tragedies and that it does not require legislation.  It is getting back to the roots of community.  It is allowing kids the space to develop social skills.

Myers’ comments immediately brought to mind Joe Ehrmann and InSideOut Coaching (a book a recommend to all parents, teachers, and coaches).  One of his overarching themes in coaching is “building men for others” (he coached football; it could just as well be “building women for others”.  Ehrmann has made a mission of bringing these principles to coaching of all sports.  His InSideOut Initiative website states: “The growth and development of each student’s human potential can only be fostered if the adults who are in charge are aware of and intentional about their transformative purpose” (https://insideoutinitiative.org).  This applies not only to coaches and teachers, but all parents, neighbors, and members of a community.

We need to be aware of troubled children.  To be aware, we need to be attentive, and we need to allow children to be in situations that reveal challenges and offer opportunities to learn to resolve the issues confronting the child.  We teach our children tolerance and compassion by encouraging engagement rather than isolation.  I have “zero-tolerance” for bullying, but we tend to be overly protective and deny children the opportunities to be on both sides of conflict, thus denying them the opportunity to learn very necessary social skills.

We need to teach children empathy, compassion, and integrity.  To do so, we must identify where it is lacking in the child.  Sports can be an avenue for this.  Physical education, too.  I am in disagreement with many of my colleagues in PE who suggest that there is no place for dodgeball.  Dodgeball and other games can provide an excellent opportunity to expose social dysfunction.  Beyond the revelation, however, there must be action.

Ehrmann teaches his athletes—as we should teach our children, students, and athletes—to identify isolated/excluded classmates and to bring them into the fold—e.g., to join them in the lunchroom.  He teaches them to be leaders.

It takes only one to make a stand.  One person to stand up to a bully or to offer friendship to a marginalized student.  It takes only one person to change the direction of peer pressure.  Only one to lead.

We don’t need to isolate our children.  We need to help them engage.

Be yourself today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

*https://mystudentapt.com/2015/10/06/theres-a-way-to-stop-mass-shootings-and-you-wont-like-it/

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”—Brian Tracy

I was driving to work in the rain the other day, struggling to maintain a positive attitude (as I frequently do), and thought about Andy Lausier’s “From Have to Get” posts that he shared in 2017.  I realized I had been missing the daily expressions of gratitude.  They served as an inspiration and a reminder to me to consider the opportunities in my life.

I believe that attitude is all a matter of choice.  Gratitude is an attitude of gratefulness (I prefer to call it grattitude). Grattitude is a matter of seeing the good in what is happening to us.  It is seeing the purpose, i.e., opportunity, in everything. 

Grattitude, however, is hard.  It takes effort.  It is a choice. Choose to be positive, and one will positive.  Choose to be negative, and one will be negative.  Choose wisely.

Exercise grattitude daily.  Like physical exercise, it is hard.  It is, however, the effort above that to which we are accustomed that stimulates growth.  And like the body needs recovery to adapt, so too does one need time to refresh and recharge.

Exercise your grattitude and pause frequently to reflect and recreate.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!