Month: December 2017

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

9. I WILL learn from my mistakes, repent of my sins, and walk with integrity as a man answerable to God.

I tend to gravitate to John 3:17 (“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”).  This means that it is not my role to judge or condemn others.  I have my own sins to worry about.  I am a flawed person.  I make mistakes and I sin.  Nonetheless, I strive to be a man of integrity.  To repent is to turn—to pursue change.  Thus, I strive to be my best today and be better tomorrow.  Repentance is not just about sin.  It is not about personal salvation (in my opinion).  It is also about being a better person for others. 

10. I WILL seek to honor God, be faithful to His church, obey His Word, and do His will.

I have no intention to being faithful to any church as an organizational structure.  That leads only to misguided faith.  To be faithful to God’s Church is to faithful to his Creation and all who believe on him.  I honor God be loving others—all others.  God is, after all, love.  I do believe that Jesus is the Christ and the Word, thus I resolve to obey his words.  I do not accept the teachings of churches that are not consistent with these words.  Jesus summed up the Commandments and the Law in two commands: “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind…and…love your neighbor as yourself.”  These are to “honor God, be faithful to his Church, obey his word, and do his will.”  I don’t see this fulfilled in the religions of the world.  I certainly don’t see it fulfilled in my own life.  Nonetheless, I resolve to do my best today and be better tomorrow.

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

11. I WILL courageously work with the strength God provides to fulfill this resolution for the rest of my life and for His glory.

“Can’t” is not in my vocabulary because I am confident in the strength God provides me.  I first signed this Resolution in the fall of 2012.  Every year, I renew my commitment.  Have I fulfilled it perfectly?  Of course not.  There is no quitting, though.

This is being posted on New Year’s Eve 2017.  Tomorrow, we begin a new year filled with opportunity.  Will I be perfect in 2018?  Not likely.

This is not a New Year’s Resolution.  I am not a believer in these.  Too often New Year’s Resolutions are half-heartedly written and quickly forgotten.  This Resolution is framed and hung prominently in my house—where I must view them frequently.  This is a commitment to be my best today; be better tomorrow.  There is no giving up on these like one gives up on a resolution to lose weight or exercise.  My wife and children—and my children’s children—depend on me.

Carpe momento!

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

7. I WILL work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.

I strive to do well for my family financially.  I struggle with the sad salary I make as a college professor, and desire more.  This resolution, however, is not about providing financially.  True, one should provide as best he can for his family.  My wife, however, does quite well in her position.  The greater needs of my family are not financial.  They need my love, support, time, presence, encouragement, wisdom, etc.  It is not enough for me to just go to work and bring home a paycheck.  I must seek to know what they need and work diligently to provide.  I cannot pursue my own Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-centeredness and not consider the needs of others in these areas.

8. I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

Sometimes a simple “I am sorry” is all that someone needs from us.  Yet, they are often three of the most difficult words to say (like “I love you”).  Letting go of anger and our feeling of being wronged is sometimes easier than reconciling ourselves with others for the wrongs we have done.  I admit to being slow to do this.  This resolution reminds me not only to say “I am sorry” but to show others “I love you” by changing my behavior.  Forgiveness and reconciliation are personal responsibilities.  Relationally, we cannot expect progress and change until we accept our responsibility.  My focus is, first, on forgiveness and reconciliation–and not wronging others.  I have to let go of any desire to be treated the way I want to be treated (not conceding, however, to being abused and mistreated, of course) and concern myself with living “I am third”.

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

5. I WILL confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.

How much really has to be said here?  I expect this of everyone.  Our society, however, is quick to take video of evil and injustice and post it to social media, but we are slow to intervene.  We protest what we perceive as evil and injustice, but we do nothing to show mercy and seek to win the opposition to our side through dialog.  I will confront evil when I see it.  I speak my mind—often to the discontent of others—but, more importantly, I must act. These I do not only for my wife and children, but for all.

6. I WILL pray for others and treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion.

It would be dishonest to say I do this well.  I pray, but, too often, only in private.  I try to treat others with kindness, respect, and compassion, but not everyone.  I struggle every day to do this with marginal success, let alone well.  Nevertheless, I am committed to this—for my wife, my children, and all who are my neighbor.

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

3. I WILL bless my children and teach them to love God with all of their hearts, all of their minds, and all of their strength.

I must be a blessing rather than a curse to my children.  To “teach them to love God” is to teach them to explore faith for themselves and to love all of Creation.  God is love.  Therefore, my greatest responsibility is to teach my children to love—to love themselves and their neighbor.  It is not so much my role to teach them religious practices.  It is my responsibility to pursue God—with all their hearts, all their minds, and all their strength.

4. I WILL train them to honor authority and live responsibly.

We are living in an age when authority is increasingly questioned and disrespected.  In many cases, our leaders and persons in positions of authority have brought dishonor upon themselves.  Honor is not blind.  I teach my children, however, to be respectful of those who are in leadership positions.  To honor authority also means that we respect our own positions of authority over other.  We cannot question our leaders and not expect our own leadership to be questions.  We cannot expect to be respected if we dis respect others.

To live responsibility is to live “I am third”.  Call it the “golden rule”—treat others as you wish to be treated—if you prefer.  I am reminded of the “Tragedy of the Commons” when I think of living responsibly.  We cannot live in the moment disregard those who will come after us.  This is not what I intend when I say “carpe momento”.  When I admonish my children to “be your best today; be better tomorrow” there is an unstated implication of “…for others.”

I must be the example of this for my children.  How they respond to their leaders and their neighbors begins with me.

In the movie, Courageous, the Kendrick brothers presented a Resolution for fathers as leaders in their household.  I was moved by the movie in so many ways.  I believe in the commitments detailed in the Resolution and renew them annually with my wife and children.  To round out the year, I want to share my thoughts on these commitments.

I do solemnly resolve before God to take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.

First, I find this in no way sexist or patriarchal.  My wife and I share in the responsibilities of the household equitably.  Note, I say “equitably” not “equally”.  We are partners in our relationship—each bringing our unique strengths to the household.  In resolving to “take full responsibility”, I intend to take MY full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.  I take this responsibility very seriously.  After all, “I am third.”

1. I WILL love them, protect them, serve them, and teach them the Word of God as the spiritual leader of my home.

Loving one’s wife (spouse) and children—as well as one’s self—should go without saying.  In loving anyone, there is a commitment to protect, serve, and teach.  There is after all no greater love than to lay down one’s life for another.  To lay down one’s life is to protect, serve, and teach.  It means to give one’s life both literally and figuratively.

As spiritual leader, I am committing to living as “I am third.”  This is by no means easy, nor is it something I do anywhere near perfect.  Nonetheless, it is how I strive to live.  “Spiritual leader” can often be misconstrued to mean religious leader and patriarch.  Spiritual leader, however, transcends religious belief and practice.  I believe religious is our shallow attempt to know and to worship God.  It provides only a glimpse—and often erroneous vision—of who and what God is.  Spiritual well-centeredness pursues the deeper understanding of one’s place in the Universe.  Thus, as spiritual leader in my home, I am charged with supporting the Purposes of my wife and children and serving them in their pursuit of Purpose and self-discovery.  “To protect, serve, and teach” is to accept the role of servant.

2. I WILL be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her, and be willing to lay down my life for her as Jesus Christ did for me.

I have no doubt that I would physically lay down my life for my wife.  I would sooner die than see her hurt.  Jesus did more than just die for me (and you).  He brought a message of faithfulness, love, and what it means to honor another.  I committed to these things when I said “I do”.  It is a commitment that I don’t take lightly. I not only owe it to my wife to demonstrate my faithfulness on a daily basis; I owe it to my son and daughter.  I am the role model of faithfulness to my children.  How I treat my wife will affect how my son will treat women.  How I treat my wife will impact my daughter’s expectations of how she will be treated.  Likewise, I demonstrate my faithfulness to my wife in how I treat other women.

For some, this statement may have echoes of a male-dominant society.  Again, I see this as a statement of equity.  My wife and I are not equals.  This is not to suggest that I am greater.  I resolve in laying down my life for my wife to use my strengths to serve her—to be my best today and be better tomorrow.  She would likewise do the same for me.  I am physically stronger (presently) than she.  This may not always (God forbid) be the case.  For now, though, I have the role of physical protector of my wife and children.  I will never hide when my wife and or children are threatened.

May your day be blessed and joyous!! 

Carpe momento!

Years ago, when our children we small, we attended a church in Grand Rapids, Michigan that had a rather unique twist on the traditional dedication ceremony.  We wrote the following as a covenant with our children.  I was revisiting this as stocking stuffers for my daughter and son.  I believe a covenant is not something to be taken lightly or to be a one-and-done.  Such things should be renewed regularly, in thought and commitment.  I cannot think of a better way to reaffirm the commitment my wife and I have to our children than to share it publicly and ask to be held accountable.

My Child,

There three commitments which are most important in one’s life.  These are one’s commitment to God, a man and woman’s commitment to each other in marriage, and the commitment of parents to their child.  Today, we reaffirm all of these in covenant with you.

It is our desire that you will be a man/woman of Godly character and integrity.  To this end, we covenant with you, today, to teach you about God and Christ, our Savior.  We will not be Christians in name only.  Rather, we will strive in all aspects to live as Disciples of Christ.  We will, albeit not perfectly, model Christ’s teachings in all that we do.  We will teach you to love God, to love your neighbor, and to love yourself.  We will teach you to be respectful of others and to appreciate the diversity of life.

We are committed to one another in the marriage covenant.  Love takes effort and we are committed to keeping our love alive.  In so doing, we promise to model a Christ-centered marriage to you.  Each one of us contains the whole, the infinite, and each one of us is good and beautiful in our Divine individuality. What makes us who we are, in our core, is unique. The infinity knot depicted in our wedding bands represents the individual in all his or her wholeness, with an element of complexity, welcoming the powerful thread of another, into the core. It symbolizes the integration of two while maintaining individual identity and purpose.  With your birth, you, too, became interwoven into this fabric.  As family, we are committed to one another, united in an unbreakable bond.  Family cannot function successfully without God.  God is love.  Therefore, we promise to love you unconditionally and provide you with a safe, encouraging, and empowering environment.

God has created you for his unique Purpose.  We commit to helping you find this Purpose and support you in it whatever it may be.  We will encourage you and support you with the means God provides us.  Know that you can never disappoint us as long as you live your life for others.

Parenting is an awesome responsibility.  We do not take lightly the role we are given as parents.  With God’s grace and help, we will prepare you for your Purpose.  We are subject to the will of God and know that you are on loan to us.  May you be an instrument in his marvelous work.

We love you and take great pleasure in watching you grow.  We look forward to seeing the man/woman you are to become.

As a parent, I already see the impact I am having on my children.  I am revealed in their genes, as well as in their personalities.  I already worry about the extent to which I am “messing them up”.  When faults or challenges reveal themselves, I ask myself: “Did I do that?”  I worry about doing more damage than good, but, in the end, I have to trust that I am doing the best that I can and that they are on the path to becoming who they are supposed to be.

We screw up from time to time, as parents.  Every parent has and will.  Likewise, we will somehow manage to have a positive influence from time to time.  Every well-meaning parent struggles with self-assessment and thinks he/she is failing as a parent.

We are the product of our parents, grandparents, and everyone who crosses our path.  So, if you question your path, the question can be asked: “How many generations would you have to go back to ‘fix’ yourself?”

It is a tempting proposition.  It is easy to say “If only I….”  An extension of this, then, would be to say, “If only my father/mother….” or “if only my grandparents….”  Because, certainly, if our parents or grandparents or great-grandparents were better off or made “better” decisions we would be in a better place, right?  Wishful thinking.  The reality is: we are who we are because of those who brought us into the world and all who have affected us to date.  To go back and “fix” yourself would mean you would cease to be you.

I am fascinated by the interconnectedness of all that exists.  I find the propositions of “collective consciousness” and “epigenetics” intriguing.  I believe that at the very foundation of our existence the Spiritual and the Physical are inseparable.  Thus, I believe that all of existence has brought me to where I am today.  I believe that life is not without Purpose and we are precisely where we are supposed to be on our path.  Thus, I believe that changing anything of my past and ancestral path will cause the “me” who exists today to no longer exist.

We can’t “fix” ourselves by going backward.  We can only fix ourselves (if, indeed, we need “fixing”) by going forward.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  (Nowhere is that statement is there any suggestion that we change yesterday.)

Carpe momento!

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”—Zig Ziglar

Christmas is called a time of giving, but, if we are honest, it is more a time of wanting.  Think about it.  Have you ever asked anyone what they were giving for Christmas?  Of course, not.  We likely ask people what they want for Christmas.  This is okay, I suppose—especially if we intend to give them what they want or need.  Unfortunately, though, we tend to gravitate toward an attitude of wanting rather than of giving.  We make our lists—maybe you still write to Santa or ask him in “person”.  We think about the things we want rather than appreciating the things we have.  This often leave gratitude in the shadows.

We end November with a day of “Thanksgiving” only to turn around and make the Friday after—“Black Friday”—the biggest shopping day of the year.  We express our gratitude only to quickly turn to thoughts of wish lists and resolutions.  December becomes a stressful month of fighting crowds and spending money.  Gratitude seems to have a short shelf life.

Giving is wonderful—if it is done with gratitude instead of obligation.  There is joy in having the opportunity to give—in having the ability to give.  There is joy in having someone to whom to give.

For me, the greatest joy in giving is to be able to give the unexpected gift that is just what the person wanted but didn’t ask for.  I don’t enjoy giving someone what they asked for.  There is no thrill of surprise.

I appreciate the gifts that come from the heart.  They might not always be what I wanted, but knowing that someone put thought into trying to buy me what they thought I would like is heart-warming.  It may not have immediate meaning to me, but I know that it has some deep significance for the giver.  Even so-called “gag gifts” can have intention, if we take the time and the gratitude to consider it.

There is very little I want this season.  Nonetheless, I know that my wife and kids will surprise me with more than one unexpected gift.  I am grateful that I can give to them gifts.  I am grateful that they are with me to receive the gifts.

My wife and I have made a deal.  We aren’t to buy lavish gifts for each other.  Instead, we write a letter to the other.  These come from the heart and always mean more than anything we can buy.   We have agreed just to buy stocking stuffers.  Of course, the stockings will be overfull, as we always bend the rules a bit.  Personally, I have more fun bending the rules and trying pack her stocking with many thoughtful items.

If giving is a chore, we need to reconsider our motivations.  We must give out of gratitude, not obligation.

Most importantly this season, we must receive with gratitude.  Rather than looking for a gift receipt and rushing out to take advantage of after-Christmas sales, perhaps we can take just a moment with each gift to consider the thought that went into the giving.

We say: “it is better to give than receive.”  Perhaps.  Maybe, though, we can consider that both have equal weight when partnered with gratitude?

As we wrap our final gifts and prepare to leave them under the tree, let us take pause and consider that we are blessed to both give and receive.  Moreover, let us be more grateful for the opportunity to be present than for receiving presents.

Blessings!

Carpe momento!