Month: June 2017

“Many people flounder about in life because they do not have a purpose, an objective toward which to work.”—George Halas

Today, is the last day of school for my kids.  It is a late finish, so, I suspect, just about every other school district is finished, as well.  High school and college graduations have been conferred.  So, it is a time when many will be asking: “What next?”  For many not-so-recent graduates, the question continues to be asked—or, in the worst case, has never been asked.

Certainly, we all go through periods of life when we question our purpose.  And there are frequent times when we “flounder in life” for lack of purpose.  To some extent life is a search for purpose—specifically, our purpose. 

Purpose, in my opinion, is a bit more than “an objective toward which to work.”  Indeed, we should have an objective, but an objective is not one’s Purpose, per se.  (I capitalize “Purpose” to differentiate of life Purpose from a mere objective purpose.)  Purpose is one’s significance in the Universe—and we are all significant, whether it is apparent or not.  It is this significance—the desire to be (extra)ordinary—that should drive us.

Purpose does not have to be on the most-grand scale.  That is, it does not have to be made-for-T.V. movie grand.  Purpose, more often than not, has an impact that is not known to the one who is having the effect.  (I think of Mr. Holland’s Opus—of course, after stating that our Purpose need not be material for a movie script.)  We often spend our lives in constant frustration that we are not doing greater things—we lack wealth, fame, and “importance”.  It is true that our influence might seem small, but we do affect lives.  Often it is not our direct impact that has the greatest effect.  It is that “six degrees of separation” that magnifies our success.

If you are questioning your Purpose, don’t waste time looking to make a big splash.  Seek to be the pebble that creates ripples that are felt at a great distance.  Seek to make the impact that you can make immediately—where you are today.  We do not have to know what is our Purpose to be impacting.  We need, simply, to understand that we have a Purpose and act like we know what it is.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

 

Gratitude.  Gratitude is defined as “The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness” (Oxford Dictionary).  It is easy to be grateful for the good we receive (e.g., kindness).  It is always a bit more challenging to show appreciation for the less pleasurable.

The other night, I heard a story I have heard a number of times before.  It is a story of a boy who receives a tremendous pile of manure.  He proceeds to dig through the pile enthusiastically.  Shocked by his pleasure, his brother asks why he is so happy for receiving a pile of sh**.  The boy responds: “With a pile of manure this big, there has gotta be a horse in here somewhere.”

How often do we fail to see the horse for the pile of poop?  It is difficult—for some, nearly impossible—to see the good in our present circumstance(s).  But, how closely are we really looking?

I fall victim to the manure pile more often than I prefer to recount.  With practice, however, I am learning to look for the horse.

Gratitude is not instinctive.  Indeed, our instincts are for self-preservation.  So, it is not natural for us to consider others before ourselves.  It is less natural for us to view our circumstances beyond the immediate impact on our lives.  Nonetheless—no matter how hard it is to accept—we are not at the center of the Universe.  Everything that happens to us is not necessarily for our benefit.  I need to remind myself of this pretty much daily.

It is a helpful exercise, to review our lives from time to time from the perspective of how it is impacting others.  We need to ask ourselves: “For whom am I where I am?”  The results may surprise us.  Personally, doing so regularly (and I would be better served to do this more frequently than to wait until I need to) helps reset my gratitude and contentment.  In doing so, I better appreciate my circumstances—be it a horse or a pile of manure.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

Image source: www.soulfulequine.com

The Harry Chapin song, “Cat’s in the Cradle”, always causes me to tear up.  Not because that is the type of relationship I have with my father, but because that is not the type of relationship I have with my father.  I hope it is also not the type of relationship I will have with my son and daughter.

My father is, like every father, not a perfect man, but I am who I am because of my father.  All that is good in me I owe to my father (both parents).  My greatest memories of my childhood are of my father simply being present—spending time with me.  My parents were divorced, but I never felt deprived of time.  Indeed, sometimes it was quite the opposite—seeing my dad at my practices, giving me a bear hug after I won (or, more often, lost) a wrestling match, etc.  There were countless times I remember forgoing hanging out with friends to go to a movie or dinner with my dad.  Even as I got older, all my dad ever asked of me was my time.  He has taught me that I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be a father.

I am far from a perfect father.  I just hope my children see past the faults and see the love that I have for them—just like the love my father has for me.  I worry that I might screw them up in some way, but, despite me, they seem to be doing okay—just like I am doing okay.

Fatherhood is the greatest responsibility a man can undertake.  It is not to be taken lightly.  Fatherhood, in my opinion, is an incredible opportunity and blessing.  “My boy was just like me” can be a wonderful thing.

Carpe momento!

Cat’s in the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say, I’m gonna be like you, dad
You know I’m gonna be like you

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let’s play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that’s okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I’m gonna be like him, yeah
You know I’m gonna be like him

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I’m proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later
Can I have them please?

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

I’ve long since retired and my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I’d like to see you if you don’t mind
He said, I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don’t know when
But we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Written by Sandy Chapin, Harry F. Chapin, Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

 

We watched the movie Greater, last night.  It is the story of the rise from walk-on to NFL prospect to sudden death of former Arkansas Razorback guard, Brandon Burlsworth.  The story of his effort to become a Razorback, alone, put his story on an inspirational level with the likes of Rudy.  The lessons provided in the life of Brandon Burlsworth are many.  On so many levels the story exemplifies what I have termed “well-centered fitness”.

Spiritual.  Faith is a strong underlying theme in the movie.  Brandon’s brother struggles throughout the movie to understand how God could allow bad things to happen to good people.  In the end (spoiler alert), he learns to trust the bigger picture.  Brandon, himself, was a person of “irrational” faith.  In the process of proving himself, he draws others into his faith—by his example.  Moreover, the story is about community and the understanding that we are not the center of the Universe and that our impact is felt far more broadly than one can every fully grasp.  The impact of “we trust”—in simply trusting in our path and purpose—permeates the film and the life of Brandon Burlsworth, his family, and his community (and beyond).

Physical.  What more can I say about the Physical dimension of the movie?  Brandon Burlsworth goes from (more than) pudgy kid to a transformed 300-lb All-American Guard in the SEC.  In the movie, his brother called him “Cheesecake” for his poor eating habits as a kid.  The movie shows how Burlsworth takes the work ethic inspired by his high school coach to Arkansas and works hardest when no one is watching.

Mental.  Burlsworth not only earned a football scholarship as a walk-on (named the the #1 Greatest Walk-On of the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) Era by Bleacher Report), becoming the first in his family to earn a college degree, but he also earned a Master’s degree in his five years of eligibility (he first Razorback football player to complete a master’s degree before playing in his final game).  This is no easy task for the traditional student.  It is rarely done as a Division I athlete who has to work harder on the field than his teammates.  Brandon Burlsworth was disciplined on and off the field.

Emotional.  The drive to succeed is nothing if not emotional.  Beyond the self-motivation, Brandon Burlsworth frequently took responsibility for his actions—individual responsibility in a team sport where it is easy to pass the blame.  Burlsworth dealt with the negativity of teammates and fans and allowed this to drive him and motivate him rather than excuse him or cause him to give up on his dream.  He encouraged others.  The movie gives him much of the credit for the Razorbacks turn-around in the 1998 season.  His positivity and self-efficacy were infectious.

Social.  Brandon Burlsworth was depicted as a bit socially awkward, but he was certainly a person committed to others.  His devotion to family and community was evident.  His impact was far-reaching.

It is an inspirational story on so many levels.  If ever there is a story that says: “be your best today; be better tomorrow” and “carpe momento”, this is it.  We are given the life we have to make the most of it—no matter how long or how short that life might be.  Given that life can be taken at any time, we best live now and seize the opportunity.  Trust in the path.  Be (extra)ordinary.  Be Greater.

“It would have been great to see Brandon play, but it wasn’t God’s plan.  That wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be, and that’s what you accept.”—Marty Burlsworth

 

Sometimes, when I am looking for inspiration, I turn to music.  This was the case for this blog.  Driving my son to lacrosse practice, Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” came on the radio as I was asking on what I should write.

I am principled to a fault.  Another favorite song—and one that immediately comes to mind when I listen to this Tom Petty son–is “You’ve Got to Stand for Something” by Aaron Tippin.  Indeed, we need more people to stand—with one caveat.

We got to stand and not back down, but….  But, we also have to be willing to listen.  We have to be willing to dialog.  We have to be willing to sit, if we are going to stand.

A comment was made at a meeting at the start of this past academic year.  The speaker said he wished we could encourage our students to protest more.  I was, perhaps, in a minority, but I adamantly disagreed.  Again, I am opinionated and dogmatic, but I am not excited by the level of protest that has become a part of our daily news.  There are times to protest, but yelling at and deriding our adversary leads to nothing but counter-protesting.  What we need is discourse.  If you want to change a person’s mind, listen.

Stephen Covey wrote that one should “seek first to understand, then to be understood” (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit #5).  “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV).  The Proverbs instruct us to “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Proverbs 2:4, NIV).  So, why don’t we?

I am stubborn and inflexible, but I am not a fool.  I am not intolerant or closed-minded.  “Well-centeredness” requires a growth mindset.  One cannot grow if one refuses to listen and weigh alternative arguments.  This is not to imply that we should be easily convinced.  It just means that we are open to the possibility that our opinions can be improved upon.

Yes, I will stand my ground.  I won’t back down.  Where I am convicted, I will stand firm.  I will not, however, push.  I will stand (or sit) and listen.  Expect, though, for me to want to be heard, and know that I prefer to stand only on solid ground.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

I Won’t Back Down

“Well, I won’t back down
No I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground
Won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground

And I won’t back down
(I won’t back down)
Hey baby, there ain’t no easy way out
(I won’t back down)
Hey I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down
Well I know what’s right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground
And I won’t back down….”

Written by Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty.  Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

This is graduation weekend for the university at which I teach.  Many high schools and colleges have already had or will be having commencement ceremonies.  Here is my bit of advice for the graduates:

Protest less.  We have become a society that yells but doesn’t listen.  Sit down with those you disagree with and discuss your differences.

Work more.  You are just starting out in the “real world”.  Expect to work hard to establish yourself.  You are young and have fewer responsibilities.  Dedicate yourself now to preparing your career so you don’t have to work the long hours when you do have the responsibilities of home and family.

Play outside.  Be physically active in the outdoors—hike, bike, kayak, etc.  This is a generation of virtual play.  Give the PlayStation, Nintendo, Xbox, etc. a rest and get out of the house.

Use a pen.  Take a break from the computer, smart phone, e-mail, and social media, regularly, and write a letter or a note.  Journal in a paper notebook.  Communicate the “old fashion” way—with pen and paper.  There are some of us who still appreciate the feel of a letter and the effort and thought that goes into writing.

Use good grammar and words.  In this age of Twitter and texting, we are getting lazy in our writing.  Don’t be lazy.

Use your phone for that which it was originally intended!  Let’s not forget that we have vocal cords.  Call people more and text them less.  Have conversations!

Read.  “School’s out, forever” (Alice Cooper), but learning should not end.  Read regularly—paper or electronic; books or articles; fiction or non-fiction; technical or pleasure.  It doesn’t matter, per se, what you read.  Just read!  Learn.

Exercise.  It is easier to maintain fitness than to gain or regain it.  Don’t wait to establish regular exercise habits.  Make the time now.  Make it a part of your routine.

Play after every storm.  Great advice from Mattie Stepanek.  Trials and difficulties will come and go.  That is life.  Deal with it!  Deal with it, but don’t dwell on it.  Learn and grow from difficulties.  Receive them with gratitude and move on.

Love your neighbor.  You don’t have to like them, but you do need to love them.  Do good.  Do no harm.  Treat others with the care and respect that you demand.

Take responsibility.  Don’t blame others for your misfortune or lack of opportunity.  You are in the circumstances you are in for reasons that are, perhaps, out of your control, but the decision to remain in your present circumstances are entirely up to you.  True, the road might be harder for some.  If it is hard, know for certain that you are capable.  Accept the challenge.  Be responsible for your own success or failure.

Fail.  While you are young, take risks.  Challenge yourself.  Make mistakes and learn.  If you aren’t “failing” from time to time, you aren’t learning.

Sleep less.  Arnold Schwartenegger told an audience of graduates: “If you need more than six hours of sleep, sleep faster.”  Establish regular sleeping patterns.  Don’t spend more than 8 hours in bed (unless, of course, you are sick).  You can’t accomplish anything sleeping.  Be productive.  Use your time wisely.

Live in New York City.  “Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard” (Mary Schmich).

Live in Northern California.  “Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft” (Mary Schmich).

Wear Sunscreen.  O.K., now I am just starting to steal from Mary Schmich (Wear Sunscreen: A Primer for Real Life).

Find a career, not a job.  College doesn’t teach students to make a career for one’s self.  Academics teach to their perspective of the discipline—unfortunately.  If you are going off to college, seek an expansive education.  Challenge to curriculum.  If you are a college graduate, be a jobs creator.  Learn from employers early—back to work hard—and use this “job” as a springboard to something greater.

Be (extra)ordinary.

Carpe momento!

 

The other day, I heard the song “Dear Younger Me” performed by MercyMe.  It is a beautiful song, and there is some truth to the message.  Don’t get me wrong, but I just don’t like the song.  It would be wonderful to go back and prevent Younger Me from making all the mistakes he made and correct the hurt he caused, but that is not my job.  It is not my Purpose to prevent Younger Me from learning the lessons I have learned.  My Purpose requires that I made the mistakes I made and that I learn from them.

I am not a fan of the question: “If you could go back and give advice to your younger self, what would it be?”  Why?  Because it is a fruitless question.  What is the benefit?  What is the cost?  Our job in life is to not look back and wonder “what if?”  (We may not like what might actually come of the alteration of the past.)  Our job is to “be your best today, and be better tomorrow”—live in the present with an eye on the future.  The past is history.  If television and movies have taught me anything, there are consequences for altering the “time continuum”.

I appreciate the sentiment in the MercyMe song.  The challenge for me is that, if one has the knowledge to take back to Younger Me, he or she is obviously going to gain said knowledge at some point.  Who am I to think that gaining this information earlier is going to make anything better?  Trust in the plan.

The Universe is bigger than big.  “Ginormous” is too small of a word.  We are but a small—albeit significant piece—in what, for lack of a better analogy, might be described as a big puzzle.  You can’t change a piece of the puzzle without affecting the rest.  We are interconnected beyond comprehension.  Our actions and inactions do not happen without compounding effect.  Who is to say that what we perceive as loss or a mistake is not part of a much greater plan?  Who is to say “no good can come of this”?

The past has passed.  Let it go.  Focus on now.  Be your best today.  Try not to act like Younger Me might have acted.  Carpe momento!

At the heart of the song, “Younger Me”, is the message of letting go of the mistakes made in the past.  Let’s not dwell on “how much different things would be”.  Let’s focus on what we can do to affect how much different things will be.

I profess to be a Christian (more specifically, “a Christ follower”—there can be a difference, in my opinion).  I am not, however, a religious Christian.  I don’t mean that I claim belief by don’t feel the need to go to church or belong to a church fellowship.  I mean that I have come to the understanding that religion puts boundaries on a limitless God and Christ.  I mean that the understanding of God, Jesus, and the bible by pastors and myself is limited—it is clouded by a biased worldview.  I mean that religion serves to separate rather than unite all that is Spiritual.

The other day, I heard a sermon that (I perceived) gave the message that Christianity is under attack by an increasingly secular society.  Perhaps, but I see this as putting Christians on the defensive.  Anytime someone goes on the defensive, one goes into a mode of self-preservation.  This, I believe, is un-Christian.  There is no “self” in Christ.

An alternative to Christians going on the defensive is to go on the offensive—which many have.  This, too, can have a polarizing effect.  This is the extreme definition of “evangelical”—a term, I believe, has lost its meaning.  To many, to evangelize is to “preach the Gospel”, which is unknowingly code for convince your neighbor that your Jesus is the right Jesus.

I contend that there is a third way—a way that is indeed under attack.  This is the way of actually living in such a way that others will have what you have.  It is the way that confesses that there is no one (other than Jesus) who is without sin and this puts the Christian and non-Christian on common ground.  It is the way of seeking the welfare of all.  I believe that this leads one from John 3:16 (“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”) to John 3:17 (“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”).

Too often the heart of the Gospel message—“love”—is lost in a message of believe or be condemned.  Condemnation should not be the focus.  The focus is on love of all creation.  If, as “Christians”, we feel we must be on the defensive, we must ask ourselves “Why?” 

I don’t believe it is Christianity that is under attack.  I believe it is the message of “love thy neighbor” that is under attack—and the attack is from within.

Carpe momento!

“It is our choices… that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”—J.K. Rowling

Every moment, we are confronted with a decision of how to act, how to decide,…, how to live.  The momentum of these decisions begins early in the day by the habits we set for our morning routine—what side of the bed we wake up on, so to speak.  The choices we make are fueled by the people with whom we choice to associate and the environment we create around ourselves.  To some extent, these choices are habits—repetitive choices to which we often give little to no thought.

I do well with starting my day with positive thoughts and habits.  I rarely to never start the day without journaling.  I prefer to write my “well-centered fitness” goals for the day (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social), state my personal mission and values, list “opportunities” for the day, and write down thoughts for the day.  I do this over a cup of coffee before the rest of the house is up and, preferably, before I exercise.  This is all well and good, but the challenge remains in trying to keep the momentum going in the positive direction and not allowing the forces of life to deflect my course.  Easier said than done.

Once every one else gets up (and, in reality, even before) the decisions begin.  I am not one to handle annoyances very well.  I am also one who thinks he drives better than everyone else—and I have a long commute to work.  (Though, usually, it doesn’t take too long on the road to find the first decision of whether to remain positive of allow my Emotional well-centeredness to take a hit.  These are my choices.  It is up to me to maintain the positive course.

Too often I allow negativity to invade before I am even challenge.  One sure example is round-abouts (traffic circles).  I live in an area in which many (most) drivers come to the circle and stop rather than yield.  It creates a backup on one particular road I frequently drive.  I confess that it annoys me more than it should.  (A lot more than it should.)  Indeed, I actually find myself getting upset before I even come to the traffic circle.  I just assume that the driver in front of me is going to stop.  It is an emotional habit that is hard to break.  (And, again I must confess, I have not really made the effort that I should to break the habit.)  It is ridiculous to let something so minor as being delayed to disrupt one’s Emotional state.  Once off course, it is hard to get back on track.

I was confronted, on Saturday, with having to teach my son about the impact of taking friendships too casually and the effect of mistreating friends.  We can to easily take careful notice of how we treat stranger and neglect the people closest to us.  These bad choices can become habits, and we can become completely aloof to the destructive impact that we can have on the people most important to us.

It all comes down to choices.  Every moment is an opportunity to go a positive course or to be detoured.  It takes less energy to continue in the direction our momentum is taking us.  If we allow other forces to deflect our course, it now takes energy to restore our path.  A key to happiness is to live decisively and to choose to cultivate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Carpe momento!

Image source: http://associationsnow.com/2013/04/browser-wars-redux-if-you-see-a-fork-in-the-road-take-it/

 

The other day, I saw a video of a “Good Samaritan caught on camera helping blind Cubs fan catch a cab.”  The man who captured the video is quoted as saying, “I’m like ‘oh my gosh this is really cool, I’ve never seen something like this.’”  The video went viral on social media.  I think it is great what the young lady did.  More people need to act like this.  The video bothered me for two reasons: 1) that it was something so surprising and unusual that someone felt compelled to capture it in video, and 2) that is something so rare that the video went viral.

Perhaps it is just that we are in an age where everyone feels the need to capture everything on video and share it on social media.  (I really don’t get that, but….)  It is, however, a condemnation upon our society.  I don’t consider myself old, but I feel like an “old man” when I have thoughts of “In my day…”.  It seems as though we are becoming less and less a “community”.  We are increasingly becoming a society of bystanders.  We stand and record violence while making no effort to step in.  We protest while making no effort to step up.  We complain while making no effort to suggest solutions.  We blame and take no responsibility.  When someone does step in or step up, it is newsworthy.  Am I alone in feeling sad and dismayed?

What the woman in the video did is (extra)ordinary.  She is a wonderful and caring person.  She should be commended.  But should what she did warrant such attention??  I would hope not.  I would hope that what she did were the expected—the norm.

I know that this video does not capture an isolated incident.  I know that people helping people is not as rare as it might seem.  It is, however, increasingly less common.  Niceness often seems feigned.  People seem to feel that they should be rewarded for common courtesy.  (This is not to imply that this was the desire of the woman in the video.  She appears to be a genuinely caring person.)  Kindness needs to be more apparent in our society.

In our pursuit of Spiritual “well-centeredness”, we must cultivate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).  It is my hope that fewer and fewer people will say in response for someone’s act of kindness (especially my own) that “I’ve never seen something like this.”

Carpe momento!