Category: Uncategorized

As an academic, the rather new trend toward “safe-zones” on college campuses has been on my mind lately. First, let it be clear that I am not a fan of bullying or harassment of any kind. We should respect all persons and be considerate of opposing views. There is, however, something quite disheartening about this trend.

Of all places, academia should be the place where individuals are free to discuss ideas, no matter how uncomfortable they might make us feel. This is, indeed, the stimulus for growth. Sure, ideas are scary. Sure, we may feel threatened and even hated by ideas that are contrary to our belief system. But, this should be okay.

We are becoming a society that is overly protective of feelings and “self-esteem.” We are offended and on guard against causing offense at every turn. No longer does the playground saying apply: “Sticks and stone may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” This is not healthy! This is not emotional well-centeredness.

Initially, to my understanding, the concept of a “safe-zone” on a college campus was to provide a safe, welcoming, and inclusive environment for the LBGTQ community. This is great. Everyone should feel safe and included. Where I become troubled is where campuses shut down free thought. We need to open the flow of ideas and learn to be inclusive through the challenges of being diverse communities. Ignorance is a reality. It is not a disease or something of which we should be afraid. Truth be told, we are all ignorant in our own ways.   All too often, I see people who consider themselves “open-minded” but are no less ignorant than those they label as “intolerant.”   Paradoxically, these people are so open-minded that they become close-minded to views that are less progressive.

If we are to call ourselves “well-centered”—spiritually, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially—we must allow ideas (no matter how offensive) to be discussed openly—and civilly. If we oppose a view, then it is on us to win people to our point of view or tolerate the views of others. Society cannot endure the increasing barriers that divide us. We need to have our ideas challenged. We need to be hurt at times and to be moderately offended. We need to be free to cause the occasional offend (that is, the honest, unintentional offense) so that we may learn and grow. We need to learn to have less fragile egos.

Let us not need safe-zones; because, we value life and love our neighbor. Let us neither cause offense nor be offended. Let education be a space where ideas flow and minds are developed. Let’s not become so open-minded that we become closed to alternative ideas (or close-minded that we can’t be open to alternative ideas).

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Americans have an insatiable appetite for diet information. Bookstores are filled with all the latest and “greatest” diet programs. Reality television could have a network devoted solely to programs about weight loss. The word “diet” has become almost exclusively tied to weight loss. In reality, diet is simply the foods we habitually eat. So, I see two challenges here: 1) the emphasis is on “weight”, and 2) the emphasis is on short-term fixes.

When I hear someone say, “I need to lose weight”, the questions that come to mind are “Why? What is wrong with your weight?”   Weight is, after all, just a number. What people are usually saying when they make a statement about losing weight is that they want to lose body fat. No problem with this (within reason, of course), but the scale can be deceiving. Water and muscle have mass (i.e., weight), as well. So the question remains, “Do you want to simply change numbers on a scale or change your body?”

Too often, we have an arbitrary scale number in our head. When I was in my Master’s degree program, we had a statistics assignment in which we had to report such demographics as age, height, and weight. Quite a few of the women in my cohort reported their body weight as “135 pounds.” Possible, but looking around the class, it was obvious that there was some variability among body weights. I have since questioned: what is it about the magic number? Apparently, there was some message received by the women that this is an “ideal” weight. Pure nonsense! Body weight is only an issue among sports in which athletes compete in specific weight categories. Otherwise, what is “ideal” pertains only to one’s body type and activity level.

Over recent years, my body weight has had a tendency to fluctuate around 220 pounds. I like this number because, as an exercise physiology professor, it is an easy number to convert into kilograms (it is also the wrestling weight class I wish they had had when I was in high school). In reality, this is just a number. My actual ratio of lean mass to fat mass has varied considerably around this number. I have had a tendency recently to creep above this 220 lb target. I have used a variety of approaches to get back down to this magic weight. When focused solely on the number, I have found that, while I lose fat through diet and exercise (especially when the emphasis is on “fat burning” aerobic –AKA “cardio” exercise), I also tend to lose lean tissue (muscle). In a more recent effort at recomp (the term used for the attempt to “shift” body weight from fat to muscle without a significant change on the scale), I emphasized weightlifting and took a more conscious approach toward gaining muscle. As a result, I tipped the scale at about 223.5 lb (gaining about 5.5 lb of muscle and losing less than 0.4 lb of fat in 24 weeks). My overall percentage of fat, however, decreased. I realized that I could get leaner by simply getting heavier (i.e., gaining more muscle). So, the choice becomes work hard and eat less to attain an arbitrary weight target or work hard and eat more to attain a more physiologically sound target (i.e., a lower body fat percentage).   More likely than not the increased activity level and added muscle mass with ultimately lead to a greater fat loss (provided my eating remains controlled).

So, with the emphasis (somewhat) off of the scale, we can focus on what we eat and on creating a habitual diet that will allow us to effectively exercise lose body fat. The easiest way to develop a habit is through conscious effort. Dieting is no different. When it comes to food, most of us are creatures of habit. So, the goal is to habitually perform healthy behaviors. The best way the change behavior is through “baby steps.” (If this doesn’t stir up images of Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss in What About Bob?, then you haven’t seen the movie and need to watch it!) Look for the small things that have the biggest impact.

While not perfectly accurate from a physiological standpoint, it is safe to say that the most important variables in weight management are calories in and calories out. When calories in equal calories out (a eucaloric diet) one will maintain weight. When calories in are greater than calories out (a hypercaloric diet) one will gain weight. When calories in are less than calories out (a hypocaloric diet) one will lose weight.   To lose fat while maintaining muscle tissue, one must be slightly hypocaloric—one must restrict slightly calories in and increase slightly calories out. Ideally, one will lose between 1 and 2 pounds per week until the fat loss goal is attained. Any more than a 2 lb weight loss per week is unsustainable and will likely result in a corresponding loss of muscle tissue. Paradoxically, an elevated activity level (particularly including weight training) and a slightly hypercaloric diet is more effective for sustained fat loss, though maybe less effective in simply moving the numbers down on the scale. In fact, on several occasions, I have told clients who had plateaued in their “weight” loss to eat more and seen this result in a renewed downward trend on the scale.

The specifics of diet for performance and body composition are beyond the scope of this post, but some general guidelines:

• determine what are your caloric needs
• watch your macros (carbohydrates, proteins, and fats)
• increase your physical activity
• add weight training to your exercise regiment
• plan (and record) your meals
• identify the small changes you can make today
• be patient

Determining your caloric needs is a rough guess at best. There are a number of online calculators that you can find to get your started (just Google “calorie calculator”). Start with this number and adjust according to the rate of fat loss—if you are losing at a rate greater than 2 lb per week, increase your calories; if you are gaining, decrease your calories a little more.

The role of protein, carbohydrate, and fat in the diet are a bit complicated, but, simply put, they need to be in proper balance. How much we need depends mostly on activity.   Protein needs are safely in the range of 0.85-1 gram per pound of body weight. Carbohydrates are a necessary fuel for performance. Dr. Mike Israetel (The Renaissance Diet) suggests the following rough targets:

• 0.5 g/lb for non-training days (and, by extension, I would say for sedentary individuals
• 1.0 g/lb on light training days (for people with sedentary jobs and who exercise more moderately)
• 1.5 g/lb on moderate training days
• ≥2.0 g/lb on heavy training days

Fats can round out more of your remaining calories. I like to start at 0.3 g/lb of body weight and to allow a little wiggle room for fats and carbohydrates. Quality of fats (ideally, from nuts and quality oils) and carbohydrates (e.g., high fiber, complex carbohydrates) are important—more so the less you are fueling your body for competition and intensive exercise.

Look for ways to increase physical activity. Of course, exercise more, if you can; but, more importantly, look for way to make small changes that add up to a greater total energy expenditure. Take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator. Park farther from the store or office. Walk rather than drive short distances. Bike. Take every opportunity to move. A few calories here or there can add up over time. (Remember: one pound of bodyweight is equivalent to approximately 3500 kcal.)

Muscle uses energy. The more you have the more calories you require. In addition, it has been demonstrated that more calories are expended for a longer time following a weight training session than a bout of aerobic exercise. Lifting weights can actually help speed your fat loss and help keep the fat off.

Meal planning and meal preparation is the life of a bodybuilder. Careful planning and packaging the food you will eat for the day will minimize impulsive eating. We are more likely to overeat and eat junk foods when we don’t prepare ahead. As well, recording our food consumption helps keep us on track. There are a lot of great apps for this. Recording allows one to track when and what they are eating and keep calories and macros in order. If, by the end of the day, your calorie limits are met, you have a choice: stop eating or go over. Either way, the outcome is conscious.

Planning also allows one to control for hunger. If, for example, you work an office job, you can eat light in the morning and be controlled throughout the day because you are to busy too eat (assuming you can avert sabotage from your coworkers bringing junk to the office—which you can!). You can plan your snacks and time them to get you through the day. Lunch is measured and prepared, and, assuming you make it safely through the day, you have your greatest calorie reserve in the evening when you might be more likely to binge. This will also help carry you into the morning, again. Keep healthy snacks handy, so you are not likely to reach for junk food.

Most important to long-term weight management is creating a lifestyle of healthy habits. The best way to do this is with small changes that take little effort and add up over the long-term. Eradicate the hidden unnecessary calories from your diet. Stop drinking pop/soda, but, if you do drink pop, avoid sugar. Cutting a 160 kcal sugary drink a day amounts to a…drum roll, please…16.7 lb weight loss in a year!!! Living in the northwest and liking beer, cutting calories from social drinking was a matter of just monitoring my selections. Many IPAs and craft beers can be 7-8% ABV. Researching low calorie (and good-tasting) beers, I learned that for every percentage point ABV there are 30 kcal in a 12-ounce serving. So, selecting a beer that is but 1% ABV lower than an alternative saves 30 kcal (assuming a beer a day, that is 10,950 kcal per year or 3.13 lb!). Shave this down to 4-5% ABV (and there are a lot of new session style IPAs that taste great), the calories add up. There are countless other places in our diet to shave calories—cutting fats, switching from sugar to Stevia, skim v. 2% fat milk (I recently switched to almond or cashew milks for my whey shakes and oatmeal where the taste difference is negligible—1 cup skim milk = 90 kcal; 1 cup unsweetened cashew milk is 25 kcal), etc. The point here is: you can make changes that aren’t going to adversely affect your life. You can enjoy food. You just have to eliminate the choices that interfere with the opportunities to have more enjoyable foods—e.g., save calories for dessert!

Lastly, be patient. Weight management is not a short-term goal. It involves lifestyle changes that become habit—i.e., your diet. Habits take time. Building muscle takes time (expect only 1-1.5 lb per month with proper training and diet). Permanent fat loss takes time (remember: the goal for sustainable fat loss is no more than 2 lb per week). Create for yourself a diet that you can enjoy. After all, diet is not “Die with a ‘T’.”

“Scatter your flowers as you go; you will never go this way again.”–Orison Swett Marden

Orison Swett Marden (1848-1924; founder of SUCCESS magazines) is one of my go-to authors for inspiration. The motivation to scatter flowers speaks to an immediate responsibility. There is an old maxim: “stop and smell the roses.” This, of course, we should do—take time to delight in the moment; but this speaks only to the needs of the self. We should take time to enjoy our surroundings, to breathe in the beauty around us, and, simply be present in the moment. We cannot, however, remain alone in the moment. To be well-centered, we must consider the combined importance of the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social. (Extra)ordinary success occurs when we live fully and beyond our self.

I had lived in Oregon for several years before I noticed the smell of pine needles in the fall rain. I am sure that it was a day in which I was exceptionally well-centered. I was driving near our home after a light rain (nothing uncommon for me in Oregon). The needles from the trees were covering the road, and, as I drove over them, they released their distinct, pleasant fragrance. It occurred to me that “this is what it means to ‘stop and smell the roses.’” Unfortunately, I am not in that moment as often as I would prefer. It is remarkable when we are in such a moment, but it is more important what we do all along our path.

It is important that we not only “smell the flowers, but we must also “scatter” the flowers. As life is a journey, we will, indeed, “never go this way again.” We must, then, seize every moment. In the moment, we have a choice: scatter flowers or sow discord. I am all too slow to learn, but I am learning that it is better that I offer others that which I most need rather than attempt to demand or take what I need. If I am discouraged, iI am better to offer encouragement. If I am hurt, I am better to offer forgiveness. If I am angry, I am better to offer a smile. When I am with a pleasant spirit, I am well to share the mood—to scatter my flowers.

Life is too short to squander our time. When we strive to be well-centered, we gather flowers, take the moment to smell them, and scatter them. To simply keep the flowers for ourselves may well bless us physically and emotionally. This may relax us and help to focus our intellect and spirit. It may also elevate our mood and benefit us socially, but we are never wholly centered until we “scatter” our flowers.

We are at our best when we are focused on the impact that we have (can have) on others. We are never fully ourselves until we are adding value to others. Whatever our position in life, we have the capacity to affect the lives we touch in the most extraordinary ways. We touch more people than we realize, as we go through our days. That impact will be perceived as either a positive or a negative. The choice is entirely ours. Will we lift up and edify (and in the process motivate ourselves)? Or will we (intentionally or unintentionally) dampen the spirit of others (and further discourage ourselves)?

Consider these as you go about your journey, today. Are you scattering your flowers or missing the opportunity to add incredible value to others?

Carpe momento!

A friend shared a commercial on social media that honored Olympic moms for teaching our athletes to fall. It was a good commercial and, I realize that it intended to honor the role of mom, but I couldn’t help but wonder “where are we fathers in helping our children learn to fall?”

I have been reading and hearing much about the role of ‘failure’ in the books and podcasts that have been a part of my daily habits for well-centeredness. Yesterday, listening to Coyte Cooper (Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams, Episode 34, “The Way We Should See ‘Failure'”). It inspired me to consider that my failures don’t define me, but, rather, they refine me. “Failure” is a critical part of success.

As a parent, I want my kids to fail. Of course, I want them to get good grades in school, and I want them to win in sports; but, failure is necessary to learn and to grow. They will fall in the process. I want to be there encouraging and pushing them onward.

As a graduate student, I minored in Human Anatomy. My professor at the (then) Medical College of Ohio was a wonderful teacher, Dr. Dennis Morse. My fellow graduate student from the University of Toledo and I would dissect the assigned body region throughout the week, and Dr. Morse would meet with us once a week to quiz us on our progress. He go around asking each of us questions. Most always, we would not know the answer (but would know the answers to our peers’ questions–to this day, I still believe that Dr. Morse was psychic!). As terms went by, I kept questioning, “How am I getting A’s?” In time, I was required to sit for the oral comprehensive exams necessary to complete my doctorate degree. For my Anatomy section, Dr. Morse started with the questions I expected–things I missed on the written exam. Progressively, the questions got harder and farther away from what I consciously studied. The final question was “If you made an incision in the abdominal wall, what would you encounter from superficial to deep?” I still vividly remember thinking, “____!! I never studied this! Well, let’s think it through….” I made my response, and Dr. Morse’s response was “Wow! I didn’t expect you to get all that. I am through.” I had aced my comprehensive oral exam for Anatomy! Not because I am a brilliant guy (by no means am I), but because, by teaching me to learn through my “failure”, Dr. Morse taught me to learn Anatomy. I have carried this teaching style into my own career as an academic. I truly believe that my students learn more by being shown what they don’t know. This is hard adjustment for students who are used to getting A’s (by the way, the grades are curved), but they learn the material much better and have better application and reasoning skills as a result.

Sports are a great preparation for life. Learning from failure is what makes an athlete better. It is interesting to watch how the kids who are superstars in little league often don’t even participate at the high school level. Rather the stars who emerge in high school are the kids who learned to keep trying harder. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without effort.

I am still learning as a parent how to encourage my children through failure. Honestly, my greatest joy as a father has not come in the moments in which my children have been victorious. Rather, my joy is in seeing them face a challenge, be defeated, and get up and try again. It is an often painful joy, but there is nothing more rewarding than seeing determination and confidence grow in a child. You know that such events are what prepare the child for far greater success later in life.

As fathers, we must not make today’s game/match the most important event in the child’s life. We must instead instill in our children the notion that they should be their best today and be better tomorrow. I often share with my son the “parable of the talents.” I try to teach is that his best is all one can ever expect. If he does not use his talents to their full potential–in practice, as well as games–he is letting down his team, his coach, and himself. Winning or losing is not important. What matters is effort. Can you look in a mirror and tell yourself, “I did my best”? If so, then “failure” serves to make you better. The greatest successes are the people who have learned to keep getting up every time they fall.

As parents, we nurse the hurts and teach that, though it might hurt today, tomorrow there is surely victory if only we get up and try again.

I have been trying to teach my 10 year-old son about self-discipline. He enters middle school next year, he still has a few lessons to learn about personal responsibility (i.e., turning in homework, doing chores, etc.)–not unlike us adults.

Self-discipline must be trained. It requires conscious effort, restraint, and habit. Self-discipline is what makes the hard things in life less hard (maybe, eventually, easier).

Eighteen days ago, I started a 21-day challenge. I decided that I would get up at 4 AM every day (Sunday through Saturday). This wasn’t tremendously difficult Monday-Friday as my alarm is normally set for 4:20 on weekdays, but, considering that the clock change (“spring forward”) occurred in the midst of these twenty-one days and that weekends are my only days to “sleep in”, the weekends have been hard. Forcing this challenge upon myself has afforded me several benefits. The biggest has been that it has given me greater structure and has added self-discipline to numerous areas of my life.

I have a small window for exercise in the morning. My alarm has been set at 4:20 so I can hit the snooze once or twice and still get up, get dressed, take care of the pets’ needs, and get a weights workout in by 5:30, when my wife needs to workout. After this, I would prepare lunches, eat, shower, press a shirt for the day, dress, get the kids up, fed, and off to the bus, then leave around 7:30 for my hour-plus commute to work. Somewhere in there, I need to journal and set myself up for the day. Needless to say, the journaling was either rushed or skipped. I was not well prepared to be “well-centered.”

Challenging myself required that I get up at the sound of the alarm (surprisingly, on numerous days I woke minutes before the alarm sounded). I gave myself no room to hit the snooze or convince myself that the morning ritual could be skipped for a day. Indeed, there were days that I wanted to skip the morning exercise, but, because I had to be up anyhow, I did not. There was never any discussion in my head. The alarm goes off. I get up. No exceptions.

This one action has enabled me to be more discipled in other areas, as well. Waking at 4 AM has: 1) caused me to go to bed at a more regular hour (and I am actually sleeping better as my hormonal cycles and sleep cycles become better controlled), 2) I have not missed a morning workout (and morning workouts are legs–if you have ever squatted or deadlifted at 5 AM, you know how easily self-talk can convince you that your body would be better off resting!), 3) I am journalling daily as a start to my day, not as a mere component of my day (my thoughts and reflections are more purposeful and directed), and 4) I am finding it easier to establish other well-centered routines (e.g., our “15-min Check-In”, opting for podcasts rather than radio during the commute–and podcasts, informational videos, and TedTalks rather than streaming television during my cardio sessions–etc.).

Most importantly, this challenge has been an example to my children. I am demonstrating the importance of routine and self-discipline. Both children are taking to journaling. Each in his and her own way, but it is finding its way into their lives. They are learning to plan and prioritize.

One of the best ways to develop self-disciple is to take command over our time. We all have 24 hours in the day (even with daylight saving time!). How disciplined we are with our time determines our productivity and well-centeredness. Prioritizing time for the spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social dimensions of our wellbeing, and understanding the concept of “opportunity cost” is key to (extra)ordinary success. What is one act of self-disciple you can begin to form as habit, today?

Be your best today; be better tomorrow! Carpe momento!

Jim Harshaw (Wrestling with Success) emphasizes the importance of the people with whom we spend the most time (According to Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”). He stresses the need for a “Mastermind Group.” A phrase that I hear Mr. Harshaw use regularly is “environment of excellence.” This is a concept that in critical to well-centered fitness.

Environment is sometimes included as a component of wellness (in addition to spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social). Personally, I don’t believe that environment can be separated from the other dimensions). So, I keep the dimensions to the five. Nonetheless, environment affects and is affected by one’s spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social centeredness.

Spiritual excellence is not perfection. We nonetheless create an environment of spiritual excellence by the practices that help us to recognize that we have purpose and that there is something greater than self. For many, this leads to faith and religious practices. For others, it simply leads to a sense of social and moral responsibility. Our spiritual environment is cultivated by our practices of prayer, meditation, daily affirmation, volunteering, social activism, gratitude, and recreation, as well as, religious practice and fellowship. Daily routine and positive habits contribute to this.

An environment of physical excellence is easier for most to understand. Physical environment, however, is much more than water, air, and soil quality. It includes all aspects of our surroundings: home, work/school, car, gym, etc. An environment of physical excellence motivates and encourages us. It is a source of positive emotions. The environment of physical excellence affects our physiology. The environment within which they occur affects diet, exercise, and our physical efforts. Music, aesthetics, space, lighting, color, etc. are stimuli that facilitate or impede our physiological responses or adaptations. We must create and immerse ourselves in the most positive, most encouraging, most motivating environment. Our physical environment of excellence must fuel success.

Physical excellence also includes physical health and performance. To be at our best physically, we need to manage such things as our diet and exercise. Diet is not something one does to lose weight. Diet, rather, is our eating habits—how and what we eat over the long-term. Exercise and physical activity are likewise habits that must become routine. So, in pursuit of physical excellence, we must remove the barriers that interfere with well-centered habits. We must remove the excuses. Scheduling is a critical factor in physical excellence. We must structure our day to maximize the opportunities for success. We need to schedule our eating, as well as exercise. We need to block out time for exercise—blocks of time that are not easily disturbed. Mealtime needs to be calm and planned. I’ll come back to these topics in subsequent posts, because these are important and simultaneously easy and difficult to address.

Our intellectual environment of excellence fuels our mental faculties. Television, radio, books, podcasts, the Internet, the people with whom we converse: these all affect us intellectually. We need a regular diet of brain stimulation. The mind needs stimulation. One creates an intellectual environment of excellence by limiting the mind dumbing stimuli and emphasizing the creative and cognitive stimuli. We must immerse ourselves in activities that educate us. We must be lifelong learners. Like physical exercise, our intellectual exercise must involve structured time scheduled into our day. Otherwise, we will gravitate to the most mindless use of our time—excessive time spent in social media, purposeless television viewing, computer games, etc.

In the bible, we learn that the “fruit of God’s Holy Spirit” is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It occurred to me rather recently that these are not a gift that is merely bestowed upon us, as we are sometimes taught. Rather, as a fruit, these must be cultivated–developed or fostered. It takes work. It takes action. Thus is the challenge of creating an emotional environment of excellence.

Recently, I wrote about how our attitude shapes our attitude. Our emotional environment of excellence is what we choose it to be. Likewise, it is very much affected by the quality of our environments in the other dimensions. Personally, I find that disruption of my well-centeredness is first exposed by the status of my emotional well-being. Choosing, however, to be more emotionally centered draws me to the center. If I choose to voice my cynicism, I tend to be more critical. If I choose, instead, to offer myself as more positive, I will be more positive. For me, starting the day with some positive affirmations and journaling—before anything else—best creates a positive and energized emotional environment of excellence. I have to consciously put myself in a positive emotional state to be in a positive emotional state. We will create the emotional environment in which we find ourselves (as much as we might want to blame our emotional environment on others).

If we are, indeed, the average of the people we spend our time with, our social environment of excellence is surely a matter of the relationships we foster. Undoubtedly, there will be unfortunate times in which we must spend time with people who do little to promote our social well-being. This can’t be helped. We can, however, endure these relationships by cultivating our overall well-centeredness. We must avoid destructive relationships as much as possible and seek to add value to all of our relationships. Be purposeful in your relationships.

Jim Harshaw’s concept of a Mastermind Group is nothing new—he points out numerous successful people who have provided him with the inspiration. For more on forming your Mastermind Group, I would refer the reader to The Quick and Easy Guide to Starting a Mastermind Group in 30 Days or Less (http://jimharshawjr.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Mastermind-Group-Ebook.pdf).

In this age of social media, the nature of relationships has changed somewhat. We no longer need for relationships to be face-to-face, per se. Undoubtedly, we want to foster relationships that are in-person, but there is value to social media, the telephone, and Skype. These allow us to maintain connections that might otherwise be lost because of distance. We must balance these and be sure to maintain close relationships with friends and business associate that are not separated by a computer screen.

While the Internet and computers/smart phones are of certain value, they can greatly damage the social environment of excellence. It is quite disheartening to see a group of people sitting at a table with each staring at his or her phone. Given the opportunity for human interaction, put the phone away and be fully present in the moment.

The social environment of excellence is one in which there are no distractions. The involved individuals are engaged in value-added conversation. At the very least, we should set a prescribed amount of intentional time—daily, weekly, or monthly, depending on circumstances—with the important people in our lives. Regular date night with one’s partner. Regular “dates” with one’s children—individually. Regular intentional small group meetings (e.g., bible studies, mastermind groups, etc.). Nightly dinners at the table! Game night with family/friends. These are but a few of many ways that one can cultivate an environment of social excellence. Key is creating the opportunity to build and foster value-adding relationships as much as possible.

A well-centered individual is one who is intentional about living a purposeful life and creating an environment of excellence for themselves and the others in their life. Our environment is what we make of it. It is a choice. For some, it may be easier to create an environment of excellence. For others, it may be challenged by circumstance. In the moment, however, it is what we make of our circumstance that determines our success.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Several years ago, my business was struggle. I was frustrated and my emotional tank was nearly empty. My interactions with others were increasingly reflecting my emotional strain. I frequently vented in conversation and on social media. I was fueling my own negativity and was doing little to encourage others. In an epiphany, I realized how destructive this was and determined to change my approach. Surely, I was not the only one  in my life struggling to find encouragement. It was at this moment that realized that my attitude was shaping my attitude. I realized that I could ask others to join me in my pool of self-pity and worry, or I could turn my emotions around to be of greater value to others. If I needed encouragement, I determined to encourage others. I soon started hearing back from friends how encouraged they were by my words. I, in turn, started to believe my own words and was, myself, encouraged.

In three ways, I shaped my own attitude by presenting the attitude that I desired:

1) I sought out quotes relating to my desired attitude and shared these on Facebook and Twitter. On days that I was seemingly most positive, I was likely the most discouraged. Using the words of others, I was able to lift up others and myself in the process.

2) I noted a comment that a friend made that she was praying for “some very special people.” I worked on my habit of praying for others. I routinely walked through my list of Facebook friends, acknowledging each person, and saying a little prayer for him or her. I would think about their needs and whatever stuff I knew to be going on in their lives. This distanced me from my own worries and helped me to realize that my problems are small by comparison. Then, in posting on social media that I am “praying for some very special people”, I sent a message to my friends that someone cares. In turn, I was aware that more than a few friends were praying for and thinking about me.

3) Taking a cue from The Celestine Prophecy, I would acknowledge when someone suddenly came to mind. I would shoot him or her an e-mail or message them to remind them that I was thinking about them. Such a thought out of the blue can go a long way in encouraging someone who might be struggling in some unknown way.

Reaching out to others in these ways really helped to shape my own attitude and to lift me up. There is something about reaching out selflessly to others that provides for our own selfish needs.

At the time I recognized the need to shape my own attitude, I was waking early in the mornings in what I described as a wrestling match between fear and faith. Faith always won, and I was strengthened by these times. In recognizing that I was not alone in fighting battles, I remembered that I was a team player and that my team needed to be cheered on to victory, as well. In turn, I realized that I was not alone, either.

Shaping my attitude is a daily challenge. Like physical exercise and spiritual devotions, the act of choosing my attitude is a daily process. It requires specific action. Throughout the day, we act in the attitude that shapes our attitude going forward. Carpe momento.

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”—Napoleon Hill

No one wishes to fail, but failure is inevitable…if one desires, ultimately, to succeed. It is rare, albeit impossible, to succeed at everything one attempts.   So, why are we so often afraid of failure?

There is only way to be successful at anything. That is to risk failure.   Otherwise, we play it safe. We don’t extend beyond our comfort zone.

No one who has ever been successful has been so without having the faith to fail. Having the “faith to fail” means we accept the consequences of failure. We accept that there is much we can learn from failure. We accept that there is good to come from failure. We accept failure as a necessary lesson learned. According to Elbert Hubbard, “there is no failure except in no longer trying.” Indeed, there can be no success without effort. There can be no effort without accepting the risk of failure.

I have recently been enriching myself with a daily dose of podcasts and motivational readings. The most consistent thread in all stories of successful people is one of failure. Why is it, then, that our society has grown increasingly adverse to failure? Too many fail to see the benefits of failure. Too often, we fail to see the potential lessons to be learned. In sports, education, business, relationships, etc., we shy away from taking chances because we are afraid to fail. We either don’t take risks when opportunity presents, or we simply stop keeping score so there is no loser. It is such a pity that so many see failure in such a negative light.

Athletes know that failure is a part of competition. In wrestling, we say, “there are only winners and learners.” Mia Hamm is quoted as saying that “failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” How true it is that we are not defeated by failure. Rather, it is our response to failure that makes or breaks us. Successful people accept the risk of failure as an opportunity to grow.  Successful people accept failure.  Successful people learn from failure.  Successful people don’t enjoy failing any more than unsuccessful people.  Successful people simply realize that there is opportunity only in trying, and trying means there is a risk of not succeeding.  Failure presents and opportunity to learn.

I contend that we need to encourage failure. In the process, we must have the faith that we will survive and we will grow from the experience. We must have the faith that the outcome of our effort is always for the greater good. We must live in the moment and examine our circumstances. If an effort fails, what is the lesson to be learned? Likewise, what are we to learn from our successes?

Determination. Grit. Self-efficacy. Fortitude. Resilience. These are but a few of the fruits of failure.

Be your best today (if you fail, so be it–learn from it!); be better tomorrow.

“They who have conquered doubt and fear have conquered failure.”—James Allen

They are the little things that have the greatest impact in our lives. The small changes to our daily habits have the most lost-lasting effect. Too often, however, we try to make the big changes and only become discouraged.

Recently, I have intensified my own efforts at refining my own well-centeredness. Focusing on the little things that make the most difference. Time-management. Relationships. Diet, exercise, and health. Attitude. Small tweaks make big differences when seen over time. Consistent change compounds over time.

I surprised my wife with a request that we set aside 15 minutes a night to connect. During these 15-min Check-ins, we sit in our living room, enjoys a glass of wine or beer together, and just share—our day, our thoughts, our dreams, our concerns, etc. Very quickly, this became a priority. We are both excited for this time and are not so easily distracted from it. The last two nights, Pam has had work events until late, and, honestly, missing this time together was hard. I missed it. There was an unexpected void in my day. The value of taking this brief time on a daily basis cannot be overestimated. First, in initiating the activity, I communicated to my wife that she is important and that I value time with her. (Any man would be wise to rack up the good-husband points with anything that communicated this!) Second, it created another opportunity to hit the pause button. (As a fan of Jim Harshaw’s podcast, “Wrestling with Greatness”, the importance of taking time in the day to just pause and reflect, plan, and reset is a clear habit of successful people.) Additionally, it feels like a mini-date in a time in our lives where more frequent date nights are not possible.

Another recent habit change was challenging myself to get up a half-hour earlier to journal before starting anything else in my day. For some, this should not be any great feat, except I ordinarily get up at 4:30 AM. So, getting up at 4 o’clock is all the more challenging. But, this has done several things for me. First and foremost, it has afforded me the opportunity to read a little bit and journal in a more relaxed and unrushed fashion. Prior to making this change, I often found myself rushed to the point of not having time to write (and therefore set goals for the day) or hastening though what should be a more thoughtful and purposeful act. Second, it has helped me become more disciplined. It has made it more difficult to skip a morning workout.  Above all, it has me starting my day purposefully and without excuses.

I set my goal of getting up at 4 AM as a 21-day challenge. This way, I can’t find reason to skip a day here and there. Today, a Saturday, four days into the challenge, I woke up at 3:59 AM without the alarm! Already, before the rest of the family is out of bed, I have much more accomplished.

In setting my task on journaling before anything else, it also puts social media, e-mail, Spider Solitaire, etc. on hold. I find I am wasting less time in the morning.

Another small, but important change I have made in my routine is subscribing to podcasts. My commute is about an hour each way. Usually, I just listen to the news on the radio and get upset with the drivers who don’t drive as well as I do. Listening, instead, to podcasts—selecting those that emphasize success and dreaming big (three favorites presently are: “Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams” with Coyte Cooper, “Wrestling with Greatness” with Jim Harshaw, and “The Charged Life” with Brendon Burchard)—I find my attitude to be much better, and I enter my 9 AM class with far greater enthusiasm. A bit less road rage occurs, as well.

I am also forgoing the serial binge watching of television shows during my cardio sessions. Instead, I am watching Ted Talks, educating You Tube videos, or listing to more podcasts. I am still binging, but my diet is healthier!

These are but a few personal examples. I am sure I will have more to say on the topic as time goes on. The point to be made here is: don’t wait for big changes in your life. Set smaller goals that will have a compounding effect.   Rather than a complete overhaul of your diet (i.e., adopting the latest fad diet in an effort to lose fat) find the few small changes that might have the most effect over the long haul—and, therefore, be sustainable (certainly more to come on this).  Rather than embarking on an impossible exercise program, change your exercise habits one by one—e.g., progressively increase the distance your park from your office or the store, take the stairs instead of the escalator, add an exercise break into your day, etc. Changes don’t have to be big to be impactful. They just need to be consistent. Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento.

“To become an Olympic champion, you must choose your parents carefully.”—Per Olaf Åstrand

Dr. Åstrand’s statement rings true for Olympians, as well as any successful endeavor. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success presents a similar argument. When, where, and to whom one is born clearly affects the opportunities that might facilitate one’s success in life. So, then, are we to blame our parents for our lack of achievement? To do so would serve only to trap one in life of continued failure and mediocrity. Conversely, what if we really did choose our parents? What is we were placed in the circumstances of our birth for a Purpose? What if it is our task in life to find and achieve that Purpose? What if we were to stop playing the blame game and stop making excuses for our lack of success? What if we were to look for the opportunities created by the circumstances of our birth? I believe, if we were to consider this, we would have far less regret in life, have greater gratitude and satisfaction, and ultimately achieve the level of greatness we are meant to realize.

I have been presented numerous times with the question something to the effect of: “If you could go back in time and change one event in your life, what would you change?” For me, this is an easy question. The answer is an emphatic “nothing.” I would alter no event in my life no matter how painful or devastating it might have been. I have made countless blunders relationally. I have missed opportunities. I have blown opportunities. I have screwed up and messed up more than I wish to admit. Still, I would change nothing. Why? Because every event from the moment of my conception has led to who I am today and the very circumstances of my life that give me great joy. I had a business that failed. We lost a lot of money. I cost people money and affected people’s lives. There is nothing pleasant about failing at something so grand. It would be easy to say “If only I hadn’t signed the papers….” Yes, I could have spared my family financial and relational stress. Our retirement account could be quite a bit larger. But…. I reflect on the good that came out of the experience—the friendships, the personal growth, the experience that I can now share with my students, the few athletes who benefited from our brief time in business, etc. As Nietzsche famously wrote: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger” and “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”

Science fiction tells us that to affect the time continuum would be devastating. I sense some truth to this. Our lives are interconnected in ways that we can never imagine. Even the slightest change in events may have a rippling effect. We can never know the affect that we have had on people several times removed from our actions. In addition, we can never be certain of the effect just one seemingly insignificant event early in our lives might have on our present circumstances. If I had chosen a different major in college or had taken a different series of jobs, I might never have met my wife, nor would I have the two incredible children with whom I have been blessed. Likewise, had my dad not moved to Virginia at the precise time he did, I might never have had the opportunity to meet my wife. (Pam lived just 5 minutes from my dad in Virginia and I was living in Michigan when our paths crossed through Match.com.) Anyone, if they took the time to examine their timeline would surely see that circumstances—good and bad—have led them to precisely where they are today.

So, if we find ourselves somewhere we don’t want to be, the solution is not to change the past, but to change the future. If we are lacking in the success department, first, consider how we are measuring success. Perhaps, we are looking for the type of success that is intended for our neighbor? Consider the skills and traits that your circumstances have given you and refine them—use them to further your (extra)ordinary greatness.   No matter how bad you life has been to this point, seize the opportunity to alter your present course. Consider your Purpose and be your best today; be better tomorrow!