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If you want to make the world a safe place, engage with your children.  Be a beacon of safety.  Be the example of responsibility and integrity the world needs.

We must protect our children—and by “our children”, I mean ALL children.  I don’t mean we should shield them from the evil of the world.  Rather, I mean we need to give them the skills to confront evil.

Children need to know there is good in the world—no matter how bad the world is around them.  They need to know they are loved and accepted.  They don’t need to know that they are perfect—they are not.  They don’t need to the delusion that the world is going to be good to them.  They just need to know that someone cares.

We must set higher standards for our youth.  They don’t need “safe places”.  They need to be safe.  They don’t have to believe that everyone loves them.  They just need to know that someone loves them.  We need to expect more, not less, out of our youth.

Failure and disappointment are a healthy part of growing up.  We are damaging a generation by leading them to believe that they are entitled to anything that they have not earned.  It is harmful to our society to raise our children with the expectation that everyone will treat them the way they want to be treated.

Nonetheless, we must teach our children to love others—to respect others.  We must teach our children to stand for the oppressed—and we must teach them by example.  “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).  We can’t preach this on Sunday and not live it on Monday.

There is much discussion on social media about legislation and security measures to protect our children in school.  In the short-term, these measures are necessary.  In the long-term, they will do nothing to make our children safe.  Evil will always find its way.  If our children are to be truly safe, we must enable them to make themselves safe.

The greatest problems facing us, today, are Spiritual.  Thus, the solutions are Spiritual.  By “Spiritual”, I don’t mean that our problems are a “religion”, “sin”, or even “God” thing.  The Spiritual problems of our society stem from humankind growing increasingly entitled and alienated. We are failing to teach our children social skills.  Worse, we are not allowing them the freedom to develop these.  In allowing them the freedom to hurt and be hurt, we open the door to see better what they need.

I believe our schools have become overly protective.  Just as we are learning that excessive use of antibacterial soap has been detrimental to our immunity, I believe we are going to come to see that our efforts—albeit well-meaning—to shield kids from teasing and bullying are leaving them weakened to the realities that face them as adults.  Shielding them from failure is setting them up to be devastated by the rejection they will at some time face in life.  I don’t want for any child to be teased or bullied.  I wish that every child could be on the winning team, but that is not reality.  What is real is that we will fall in life.  What is real is that falling is okay.  What is real is that every child is worthy of love and needs to experience love.

If we want our schools to be safe, we must look for the patterns that indicate that a child is hurting.  We need to teach our children to look for these patterns, to be welcoming, and to be strong enough to stand for those who cannot stand for themselves.

We need to arm teachers and coaches—not with guns—but with the skills to recognize when a child is in need and to recognize the leaders who are willing to stand in and step up—and let them stand.  Moreover, each of us needs to accept OUR responsibility to change the world for the better.

Carpe momento!

“What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day, and altering the trajectory of our world.”—Glennon Doyle Melton*

*https://www.rd.com/advice/parenting/stop-bullying-strategy/#.WnFlnKwVoBA.facebook

“At the end of our life, we ought to be able to look back over it from our deathbed and know somehow the world is a better place because we lived, we loved, we were other-centered, other-focused.”—Joe Ehrmann

In light of the discussions on social media regarding school shootings and school violence, in general (a friend shared with me about a girl in Pennsylvania who plotted to harm—kill—a fellow student using her pineapple allergy), I came across an article suggested that the solution is to “notice those around you who seem isolated, and engage them” (Rob Myers)*.  I believe this.  I continue to argue that we all have a role in ending these tragedies and that it does not require legislation.  It is getting back to the roots of community.  It is allowing kids the space to develop social skills.

Myers’ comments immediately brought to mind Joe Ehrmann and InSideOut Coaching (a book a recommend to all parents, teachers, and coaches).  One of his overarching themes in coaching is “building men for others” (he coached football; it could just as well be “building women for others”.  Ehrmann has made a mission of bringing these principles to coaching of all sports.  His InSideOut Initiative website states: “The growth and development of each student’s human potential can only be fostered if the adults who are in charge are aware of and intentional about their transformative purpose” (https://insideoutinitiative.org).  This applies not only to coaches and teachers, but all parents, neighbors, and members of a community.

We need to be aware of troubled children.  To be aware, we need to be attentive, and we need to allow children to be in situations that reveal challenges and offer opportunities to learn to resolve the issues confronting the child.  We teach our children tolerance and compassion by encouraging engagement rather than isolation.  I have “zero-tolerance” for bullying, but we tend to be overly protective and deny children the opportunities to be on both sides of conflict, thus denying them the opportunity to learn very necessary social skills.

We need to teach children empathy, compassion, and integrity.  To do so, we must identify where it is lacking in the child.  Sports can be an avenue for this.  Physical education, too.  I am in disagreement with many of my colleagues in PE who suggest that there is no place for dodgeball.  Dodgeball and other games can provide an excellent opportunity to expose social dysfunction.  Beyond the revelation, however, there must be action.

Ehrmann teaches his athletes—as we should teach our children, students, and athletes—to identify isolated/excluded classmates and to bring them into the fold—e.g., to join them in the lunchroom.  He teaches them to be leaders.

It takes only one to make a stand.  One person to stand up to a bully or to offer friendship to a marginalized student.  It takes only one person to change the direction of peer pressure.  Only one to lead.

We don’t need to isolate our children.  We need to help them engage.

Be yourself today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

*https://mystudentapt.com/2015/10/06/theres-a-way-to-stop-mass-shootings-and-you-wont-like-it/

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”—Brian Tracy

I was driving to work in the rain the other day, struggling to maintain a positive attitude (as I frequently do), and thought about Andy Lausier’s “From Have to Get” posts that he shared in 2017.  I realized I had been missing the daily expressions of gratitude.  They served as an inspiration and a reminder to me to consider the opportunities in my life.

I believe that attitude is all a matter of choice.  Gratitude is an attitude of gratefulness (I prefer to call it grattitude). Grattitude is a matter of seeing the good in what is happening to us.  It is seeing the purpose, i.e., opportunity, in everything. 

Grattitude, however, is hard.  It takes effort.  It is a choice. Choose to be positive, and one will positive.  Choose to be negative, and one will be negative.  Choose wisely.

Exercise grattitude daily.  Like physical exercise, it is hard.  It is, however, the effort above that to which we are accustomed that stimulates growth.  And like the body needs recovery to adapt, so too does one need time to refresh and recharge.

Exercise your grattitude and pause frequently to reflect and recreate.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

We all have but 24 hours in a day.  Unless we are an Olympic athlete for most countries other than the US, we have limited time for exercise.  So, how do we use it?

First, we have to determine our priorities.  My students hear the phrase “opportunity costs” so much that they are beginning to finish my sentences.  By opportunity costs, I mean that anything we do in our 24 hours will take time away from something else.  So, we can use our time wisely, or we can squander it.  Everything we do should have a purpose.  (And some level of goofing off can be purposeful—if it doesn’t take away from the things that are really important.  Indeed, we need a certain amount of “goofing off” as relief from our more stressful priorities.)  When it comes to exercise, though, how much is right?

The answer to this will depend on one’s goals and schedule.  It is a matter of what one prioritizes.  Most of us can do much more when it comes to exercising—provided are diet and recovery strategies are effective.  Unfortunately, we have other things that demand our time.

I begin with how much time I can reasonably contribute to exercise.  I consider sleep and my work schedule to be fixed.  Relational activities—family stuff, youth sports, etc.—are a bit more variable.  Fitness is a priority and must be scheduled.

I don’t have big blocks of time to exercise.  I generally have a block from 5 to 6 AM (which really works out to be around 45 min) to exercise in the mornings.  If I am on task and somewhat lucky, I can squeeze another 45 minutes in most afternoon.  Because the mornings are free of viable excuses, this is my priority time.  For me, weights are the greater priority.  Therefore, I leave cardio for the afternoons.  I prioritize the “basic 5” (squat, deadlift, bench, press, and rows) in the mornings and leave accessory lifts (arms, calves, neck/trapezius, and core-specific exercise) for the afternoons.  I try to make the time most effective.  If I miss an afternoon session it is less of a big deal.

We each have individual needs and goals.  I teach my students to consider “opportunity costs”.  I ask them to evaluate everything they do (or have clients/athletes do) on the basis of how the exercise contributes to the overall goals.  If the same outcome can be attained doing something more effective, then don’t waste the time.  So much of what is promoted as training is only superficially effective.  Choose wisely.

It is important to realize that exercise is cumulative.  This means that what can be done in a two-hour session can be done in two 1-hour sessions (or four 30-minute sessions, etc.).  So “time” (i.e., a lack thereof) is a poor excuse for not exercising.  In fact, it is likely that one is more effective with the use of time when the exercise is divided into smaller chunks.

Cardio need not dominate one’s day.  The “Father of Aerobics”, Dr. Kenneth Cooper, suggested that, if one is running more than 30 minutes a day, he is doing it for more than his health.  Dr. Izumi Tabata and colleagues have demonstrated that there can be significant improvements in cardiorespiratory fitness in much less time (given an appropriate exercise intensity).  It come down to goals.  Are your training for the Ironman or are you just wanting to be healthy and have a longer life?

I know I should be stretching more (okay, honestly, I should be stretching—period), but it just isn’t a great enough priority.  I focus on range of motion when I lift weights and stretch when I get tight.  I’d love to try yoga, but it doesn’t fit my priorities (at the moment).  So, until I need to stretch, I consider it “opportunity cost”.  (Don’t judge me.  I know flexibility is important.)

I know I am never going to have a bodybuilder physique.  I like food too much.  More importantly, I don’t have the time to prioritize the work it would require.  I use my time as best I can.  I try to squeeze as much maximal recoverable volume I can into the week.  It isn’t complicated.  I don’t do a lot of variety, but it works for me.

If you can’t find the time to exercise, look harder.  The time is there if you choose for it to be.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

School shootings.  Sexual harassment/assault.  Child abuse.  Human trafficking.  Etc.  To quote the Lorax, “Until.” Until WE, as a society acknowledge our responsibility these evils will continue.  We can call for legislation and stiffer criminal penalties, but, in reality, we need to take a careful introspective look at our society and ourselves.

We need to do better jobs at home, in school, and in sports to identify problem children and deal effectively.  I don’t think the current practices of emotional bubble wrap and nobody fails does much to build emotionally strong and stable adults.  The problems we are facing as a society are Spiritual.  Religion is not the solution—but it can contribute the solution (as well as it can contribute to the problems).  We have lost our sense of community and personal responsibility.

We ignore the issues until it becomes a social media trend.  We fail to step in and step up when opportunity calls.  We fail to realize that our children, like ourselves, are flawed and far from perfect.

There is no room for accountability in our society.  Rather, we create an increasing sense of entitlement among ourselves and children.  Entitlement is the corollary to Spiritual well-centeredness.

I struggle to uphold the mantra: “I am third.”  I repeatedly try to impose my needs upon those around me.  UNTIL I learn yield to the needs of my family and neighbors, my relationships will struggle.  UNTIL we as a society learn to yield to the needs of the whole and not focus on our “rights”, we will have conflict and oppression.  UNTIL we concern ourselves with the health and well-being (Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially), our society will continue to worsen.

We need to allow our children to fail and face rejection, we will see a society that have no understanding of the value of human life and feels entitled.  UNTIL the person who stands by and does nothing is held to some level of account, the perpetrators of evil will continue—and worsen.

UNTIL each and every one of us steps up….

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

I have a number of pet peeves.  One is when drivers in the passing lane slow to (well) below the speed limit when they see someone pulled over by the state police.  First, the officer is already engaged in giving a ticket.  Second, braking and slowing to below the speed limit is not going to avert getting a ticket, if one is speeding.  Now, I am not encouraging one to break the law and drive at excessive speeds (though I would encourage drivers to use the passing lane for passing, like it is intended), but don’t slow to below the speed limit because you see flashing lights.  (By all means, though, move over and leave an empty lane between you and emergency vehicles, but don’t brake in the fast lane!)

Considering this experience, I couldn’t help but think about how often we do this in life.  We have a tendency to slow down when we see someone else struggling.  Our own fear kicks in, and we panic.  This is unreasonable behavior.  Stop it!

We cannot allow ourselves to be slowed down by others’ mistakes.  True, if we are being likewise reckless, we should reconsider our actions, but we should not have unnecessary fear.  Likewise, we should not interfere with another’s progress because of our own irrational fears.

We should be assertive in our pursuits.  I prefer to travel at a reasonable safe speed—just above the posted speed limit, but not high enough to draw the attention (and the lights of the state police).  I also get out of the way of drivers who are a bit more assertive.  I use the passing lane to pass.  In life, as well, we need to pursue with a safe, but slightly more confident than the next guy, attitude.  We can’t worry about being stopped.  We especially cannot be worried by troubles that cannot directly affect us.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Everyone wants six-pack abs these days.  I’d like ‘em, but I am not worried that I don’t have them.  I want a strong core, but the abs (i.e., the rectus abdominis) is only part of the important musculature that makes up the “core”.

The core are the primary muscles that stabilize the trunk (take note: they stabilize the trunk—isometrically and dynamically).  In addition to the rectus abdominis, these include the internal and external obliques, the transverse abdominis, the erector spinae, and the muscles of the pelvic floor and pelvic stabilizers, the hip muscles (e.g., gluteus maximus, medius, and minimus), latissimus dorsi, and trapezius.  So, trunk flexion—i.e., sit-ups and crunches—are about the last thing the core does.  A strong core is essential for all movement and should be trained as such.

The trunk can move in flexion, extension, lateral flexion, and rotation.  The trunk also resists these movements.  Thus, proper core exercise will reflect all of these.

Many exercises already strengthen the core (when done properly)—e.g., squat variations and deadlifts.  The core is also activated when the body is weighted bilaterally or unilaterally—e.g. farmer carries, single-legged squat variations, and anything with dumbbells.  So, spending a significant amount of time on abdominal exercise (unless, perhaps, one is a physique athlete) is quite unnecessary.  What core-specific (I am hesitant to call it “ab work”) is done should emphasis acceleration/deceleration of the trunk and “anti” movements (e.g., anti-rotation).  These are built off of a strong stable core (i.e., after mastering the “plank”).  Planks are a great start, but just a start.  For most, who are lifting weights (exercise built around the “basic 5”—squat, deadlift, bench, press, and row), the plank becomes redundant.  A better exercise is the Pallof press (anti-rotation with a cable or resistance band/tube).  For a more dynamic core workout, I prefer the Bulgarian bag (see October 17, 2017 post) and what I call my “core 550” workout.  Medicine ball throws and landmine exercises are also good.  The key is to maintain good posture and accelerate/decelerate in multiple directions.  My core 550 workout takes roughly 9 minutes (with 1-minute recovery between sets) and adds a good HIIRT element to the program.  I do this a couple times a week, and it doesn’t take much time away from my other goals.  Remember: “opportunity costs”.  The more time spent doing “ab work” the less time there is for other activities.  Frankly, I don’t have the time.  Spending a lot of time doing isolated exercises (e.g., crunches) for the core is not necessarily the best use of time.  Consider your “why”.

Carpe momento!

Do you get enough sleep?  Is it quality sleep?

Sleep is as necessary as exercise for physical fitness.  Indeed, muscle is stimulated in the gym, but it is built in bed.  Therefore, we need adequate exercise and nutrition, but this must be supported with regular sleep.

By “regular sleep”, I mean we need a regular bedtime and time to wake in the morning.  I know “bedtime” sounds like I am talking to a toddler, but adults need a bedtime, too.

Ideally, one is getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night.  Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “if you are getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night, sleep faster.”  I would not suggest less than 6 hours.  Six allows for greater productivity, but it must be quality rest, and it must be supported be healthy eating and a strict schedule.  If your body needs more, get more.  If you are sleeping more than 8 hours, though, consider the quality of sleep you are getting—as well as the lost opportunity in your day.

Improve the quality of sleep by:

Having an exercise routine.

Having a growth routine of regular journaling and reflection.

Avoiding television (especially late night news) before bed.

Avoiding caffeine in the evening.

Avoiding alcohol before bed.

Stick to a regular sleep cycle.

Turn of electronics at least 30 minutes before bed (avoid the last-minute check of e-mail and social media).

Invest in a comfortable mattress and pillow.

Darken and quiet the room in which you sleep.

Set an alarm to wake up and stick to your schedule.

Give yourself time to unwind before bed.

Sleep in the often-neglected component to one’s health and exercise plan.  Don’t allow your sleep to suffer.  Seek professional help for severe insomnia.  Allow for the occasional (perhaps, ideally, regular) power nap and midday reflective pause.  Always end the day on a positive note.  Don’t worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34).  Think positive thoughts.  End the day with a positive thought or quotation.  Fill your mind with gratitude (grattitude).  Let your sleep be pleasant.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

Taking command of one’s life begins with a decision and is followed by commitment.  Change doesn’t just happen.  Growth doesn’t just happen.

Well-centered fitness—Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-being—doesn’t just happen.  It is an opportunity on which to capitalize.

To take command is to carpe momento—to seize the moment.  Be it one’s diet, physical fitness, relationships, work, family, etc., we start with a decision.

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails” (William Arthur Ward).  This is our choice.

I have written before of one’s options when there are circumstances one does not like.  One can 1) leave/quit, 2) change, or 3) accept (“Accepting Where You Are”, November 25, 2016).  Remember: your attitude shapes your attitude.  For me, acceptance is the commanding option.  While it would seem that “change” is commanding, it is only if one first accepts where one is and takes responsibility for his or her circumstances.  Change can, after all, be a form of quitting.  It is like believing that the “grass is greener”.  We can think that where we are is not where we are supposed to be, and perhaps it is not, but more often than not, we are where we need to be in the moment.  Building off of William Arthur Ward, the wind will blow as it will.  It is up to us to take command of the sails and hold or adjust our course.  We can do neither without first accepting the winds direction.

No matter our position and circumstances, life is not out of our control.  Take command.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!