Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”—Theodore Hesburgh

I have a mantra—simply the title words from Gale Sayer’s autobiography, I Am Third. It comes from a quote Sayer’s learned from his college track coach: “My God is first, my family is second, and I am third.” It is often easier said than done. It is the most important lesson I have learned (and struggle to continue to learn) as a husband and father.

In a world where far too many children are raised without fathers and absent fathers (and fathers who are in the home but nevertheless absent), it is important to honor the mothers who raise the young. It is important to love and prayer for our mothers and to thank them.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!!

Carpe momento!!

I had a conversation with my Aging Well Podcast cohost (stay tuned for Episode 84, which airs May 21, 2023) about the cup half-full v. half-empty argument. He added the role of positive v. negative mindset (i.e., the cup is always full because it also contains air). Optimism and positivity are important, but I added that we also need to have a ‘growth mindset.’

If we truly want a fulfilling and well-centered life, we need to be growing—the cup needs to be getting bigger. It is emptiness (air) in the cup that provides the impetus to grow—to “be our best today; be better tomorrow.” A cup that is growing (i.e., a growth mindset) will always have some air in it (the cup that runs over is not growing). One with a growth mindset is never satisfied with having a consistent volume of water (the fulfilling and gratifying things in life) in the cup. Instead, they seek more—Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially. They seek more not out of greed but of Purpose.

For some, there is undoubtedly a drain in the cup that is beyond their control (and for some within their control). For these, the priority is to plug the hole (e.g., treat a medical condition, get out of a toxic relationship, get sober, stop doing stupid sh**, etc.). Once the hole is plugged, the cup may again begin to fill. The cup can grow.

Life is about growing the cup and filling it Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially. To grow the cup is to….

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Age is just a number. Life and aging are the greatest gifts that we could possibly ever have.”—Cicely Tyson

I most remember Cicely Tyson for her role as the 110-year-old, ex-slave, Miss Jane Pittman. Fitting that I would come across her quote on this my 60^th birthday. I have been in anxious anticipation of this day. Why? Because it is a milestone of grattitude. It is a marker of time and opportunity—not a marker of decline. It is a marker against which, instead, to measure one’s growth.

Age is a blessing not a curse. To think of it as a curse is to fail to realize the gift.

I often speak of “opportunity costs.” Life comes with no guarantees, only opportunities. A year is another opportunity—an opportunity to grow Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially. Yes, we can grow Physically as we age beyond adolescence and early adulthood. Of course, at some point, Physical growth becomes more about maintenance, but if we haven’t reached our genetic potential there can still be some room for growth.

Turning 60 presents a new decade to oppose nature’s will. It is an opportunity to take the opportunity to…. What do we want our 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond to be like? Except for that which we cannot control, we can exercise, eat well, sleep well, and stimulate our mind, body, and spirit, and be better than society tells us we can be.

I am excited for what my 60s will bring. I am not going to sit back and complain about being older. Instead, I am going to celebrate all that I have yet to accomplish.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”—Tony Robbins

“Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come.”—Robert H. Schuller

“It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.”—Isaac Asimov

“The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead!”—George S. Patton

“Listen to the desires of your children. Encourage them and then give them the autonomy to make their own decision.”—Denis Waitley

“Follow your heart and make it your decision.”—Mia Hamm

“Opportunity is coy, is swift, is gone, before the slow, the unobservant, the indolent, or the careless can seize her.”—Orison Swett Marden

It is college decision-making time in our household. It is down-to-the-wire. So, I thought it appropriate to just share a few of the many words of wisdom regarding decision making for parents in the same situation and for anyone confronted with a major decision. We cannot take our decisions lightly, but they must be made.

I begin with Tony Robbins’ statement that decisions shape our destiny and Marden’s statement about opportunity. Sandwiched in between is the wisdom of but a few others. It should be clear that our destiny is indeed shaped by the decisions we make (big and small), but it is important to understand that no single decision is responsible for shaping our destiny. Each decision leads to the next and is therefore the right decision for us in the moment. If the outcome does not suit us, another decision is called for. Equally important, though, are the opportunities we encounter in our decision-making. Our paths can change, but opportunity, like the wind, does not linger.

Best wishes in the decisions before you.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Depression begins with disappointment. When disappointment festers in our soul, it leads to discouragement.”—Joyce Meyer

Disappointment often leads to discouragement and, sometimes, depression, but it can also lead to drive—to the overwhelming desire to get out of the hole one is in and succeed. The challenge is winning the battle with discouragement and depression. Disappointment presents an opportunity for growth—perhaps for dramatic change. It is never easy, however, especially when disappointment persists, and success is perceived as a mirage or a façade. (Whoever says “fake it till you make it” is full of something.)

“Disenchantment, whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.”—William Throsby Bridges

Perhaps William Throsby Bridges is correct. Disenchantment is the likely crossroad where drive and depression meet. Or, more likely, it is the difficult path leading from disappointment and discouragement to the fork in the road. The difference between drive and depression is hope and the confidence that transition is possible.

Our history and experience may tell us that transition is not possible, and that the road is only one of continued disappointment and discouragement. Depression begins with a belief that this is the only road. It progresses as all optimism is lost. Drive, however, requires only that we hold on to the last hint of optimism and keep stepping forward until we find the alternative path.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“A will finds a way.”–Orison Swett Marden

I often go to Orison S. Marden for quotes and inspiration. Feeling particularly stuck, I went to a favorite source (brainyquote.com), and the above quote was at the top of the list of Marden quotes. It doesn’t make getting unstuck any easier. It doesn’t give me any guidance for getting unstuck. It does remind me, however, to persist.

The advice to persist is unsettling—especially the longer we are feeling stuck—but it does remind us to not quit. If there is a will a way can be found.

I often must remind myself of Dr. Robert H. Schuller’s “power of possibility thinking.” It is a proactive alternative to the classic “positive thinking.” A goal is merely a desire if all one does is think about it. A goal demands action. A goal requires a plan of action and a willingness to work toward its accomplishment. When the progress is slow, persistence is required. When progress is stuck, a new plan of action is demanded.

Possibility thinking requires that one breakdown the problem into chunks. For example, if an entrepreneur needs a million dollars, they can look for one person to invest one million dollars, two persons to invest $500,000,…, ten people to invest $100,000,…, 100 people to invest $10,000,…, or one million people to invest $1. Likewise, our problems might require one extraordinary action or countless ordinary actions to get us unstuck.

I have often shared a phrase that I learned decades ago from a pastor, Dale Schurter, when I lived in New York. The son of an Oklahoma farmer would tell us that he learned from his father that “’Can’t’ never done nuthin’.” Indeed, that was the topic of a keynote talk that I gave just last week. Truth be told, when I am called upon to share the advice, it is often at a time when I most need to hear it. (Funny how the Universe in like this.)

Feeling stuck? I am, too. We all feel it from time to time. What are we doing to get unstuck?

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are dead.”—Aldous Huxley

When discussing success, we often consider consistency and commitment to be key. Indeed, these are keys to success, but, alone, they are a threat to personal growth and continued improvement (i.e., kaizen). Thus, they can limit one’s pursuit of well-centered fitness and the “growth mindset.” It is better that we consider the consistency of and commitment to progress.

As an exercise physiologist with philosophical mind, I think of all growth (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social) from the perspective of all things being bio-mechanical-psycho-social and apply the “principles of adaptation” (specificity, overload, progression, recovery, reversibility, and individuality) taught in basic exercise science. As such, I can’t consider growth without considering progressive overload. As Huxley stated, “the only completely consistent people are dead.” Terminally consistent people are stagnant and demonstrate little to no growth. Indeed, if one is to grow (Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially) one must be progressing. They must be committed to consistent and progressive overload to the specific characteristic that they which to improve (grow).

The saying, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” is widely attributed to Albert Einstein. Terminal consistency, then, is a form of insanity. This is not to say that consistency is all bad. Of course, consistency in what we might call “healthy routines” (e.g., hygiene, brushing one’s teeth, etc.) are purposeful. One can, however, always consider how even these routines can be improved.

Consistency and determination are keys to success when tied to a growth mindset. When they lack the concept of “progressive overload” success is forever a distant mirage.

In what areas of life are we experiencing terminal consistency? Perhaps in our weekly church attendance? In our exercise “program”? In our daily consumption of trivial information via social media and popular press? In our self-contentment? In our relationships? In what areas of life do we need be “raised from the dead”? In what areas do we need to grow toward the asymptote of well-centeredness?

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“He who improves an opportunity sows a seed which will yield fruit in opportunity for himself and others.”—Orison S. Marden

I frequently use the phrase: “opportunity costs.” What I mean by this is that every opportunity comes at the expense of another. Every moment in life is spent doing or not doing what we need to be doing to succeed and accomplish our Purpose. We sow the seeds of opportunity—if we choose to.

Circumstance is going to be what it is going to be. Good, bad, or indifferent, the choices made in the past—by us and others—have placed us where we are in this moment. What we choose to do in the moment? That is up to us. No matter how crappy the situation, we decide what we do next. Each decision is an opportunity—an opportunity to sow a seed that will yield fruit.

We can and we must improve every opportunity. We must approach each moment with grattitude (attitude + gratitude, i.e., an “attitude of gratitude”). To do otherwise will cost us the opportunity. Acceptance of our circumstance as a seed of opportunity will undoubtedly produce the fruit of success when properly cultivated.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

After taking my daughter to the theater to see Scream 6, we have been watching the Scream series from the beginning. The movies intentionally follow a pattern—it’s sort of a theme in the movies, after all. It has me thinking about routines—how we can be trapped by them.

In general, routines are good things. We should, for example, be in a routine of brushing our teeth after every meal (or at least morning and night). Having an exercise routine is good (generally speaking). For some behaviors, however, routine can be wearing a ghost mask.

Merriam-Webster defines routine as “a regular course of procedure; habitual or mechanical performance of an established procedure.” Those who have a growth-mindset can likely see the trap. Routine and habit are fixed behaviors. Things we do with little to no thought or progression. In some cases, we can get into doing the wrong things as routine. When exercise, for example, we might do the same intensity and volume every session or training period. There is no overload (for a body system to adapt, it must be challenged to a level greater than that to which it is accustomed). Without progressive overload there is no improvement. Routine can be counter to the principle of kaizen (i.e., constant improvement).

Ask yourself: “Are my daily routines making me better today than I was yesterday?” An overall daily routine can certainly benefit us (e.g., a routine bedtime and wake up time, scheduled exercise, consistent diet and mealtimes, journaling, health and grooming habits, etc.). Self-imposed daily challenging healthy activities (SIDCHA; see my other posts on the topic or visit https://joshuaspodek.com/sidchas-the-series) can certainly benefit us, though not necessarily progressive. The key to this question is “better today than I was yesterday.” If there is no personal growth resulting from the routine, it is just a pattern. Don’t let your life be a programmed loop. Eliminate the unhealthy habits, establish healthy patterns, and fail forward. In other words, let your new habits challenge you beyond your comfort zone and….

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don’t let anyone limit your dreams.”—Donovan Bailey

I realized I was a hypocrite. I was listening to an interview a former student recorded with me. He asked me, “What message would you want to deliver to your kids.?” I responded: “Just go forward and fail.” I tell them frequently to go out and fail. If they fails, they are growing. Advice I stand by. At the present time, my son is preparing for college. He had for the last year or so been planning to major in Mechanical Engineering. Safe. Something he would be good at and could make a living at. Over the last few months, however, he has talked about majoring in English. English! How could he make a living in English? Okay. He could minor in English, right? He could double major. I would not pay for an English degree (unless he majored in something more lucrative, as well). I was being a hypocrite. If literature is his passion, I should let him follow it.

My son has a passion for literature. We have had some powerful conversations about literature. He reads and comprehends what most have never explored. He read Beowulf (Seamus Heaney’s translation—and he wants to read other translations, e.g., J.R.R. Tolkien’s) just for fun. He wants to learn Finnish to read Nordic mythology in the original text. He should study literature. Landing the lucrative career might be difficult, but he may find that he is the Tolkien of his time.

I forget that my dad felt much the same about me switching from Mine Engineering/Geology to Exercise Physiology (and I had years of financial struggle before I found my path in exercise physiology). My dad even got a good chuckle when I brought up the realization of my hypocrisy.

So, I have told my son that I support whatever he decides. I just ask that he go forward with wisdom. I also ask that fear of failure also not play a role in his decision of whether he wrestles in college (he has the opportunity and will likely see much failure before he succeeds).

If we have a passion for anything (and we must if we are going to truly carpe momento) we must be willing to fail. Failure is inevitable when we are pursuing our dreams. If not, what is the real value of that for which we are passionate. Be passionate and don’t let anyone limit your dreams.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!