Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”—Woodrow Wilson

I have long been drawn by Proverbs 29:18 (“Where this is no vision, the people perish”, KJV).  Now, theologically, this is often misapplied, but, personally, I find the Proverbs often have a different meaning as my needs require.  So, let’s just let it mean personal vision for today.

Without a personal vision, it is easy to wander through through life aimlessly.  It is like setting off on a journey with no map or compass (or GPS, in the new millennium).  Moreover, it is like not even having a planned destination.  In such circumstances, one is not likely to get anywhere—or at least have no sense that they have arrived where they are going.

In life, we need a sense of Purpose.  (I use a capitalized “Purpose” to differentiate from the lesser “purposes” that are not necessarily our Spiritual place in the Universe.)  Purpose gives us the deeper meaning to our lives and the greater sense of fulfillment.  Unfortunately, it may take a lifetime to actually find our “Purpose”.

Vision is our GPS.  It is our sense of compelling direction that can be perceived only by taking pause on a regular basis and considering our path.

Vision requires a level of Spiritual “well-centeredness”—or at least the pursuit thereof.  It requires, first, that we recognize that the Universe is bigger than self.  It requires that we see that we are connected at some level beyond time and chance.  It requires that we are astutely aware that we impact others and are, in turn, impacted by others.

Vision requires a desire to have an impact on others—to make an impression on the world.  It requires a desire to have some sort of “legacy.”

Where there is no vision, one perishes into insignificance.  No one is meant to be insignificant.  We are meant to have an (extra)ordinary affect of the lives we touch.

It is true that most of us will never be world renowned.  Nevertheless, we touch lives.  Probably much more than we will ever know.

So, what is our vision of our Purpose.  Do we see the path of influence we have left in our wake?  More importantly, do we see the influence we can have going into the future? 

Seize the opportunity to make a difference.  Carpe momento!

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”—Carl Jung

 

“It has been my observation that the happiest of people, the vibrant doers of the world, are almost always those who are using—who are putting into play, calling upon, depending upon—the greatest number of their God-given talents and capabilities.”—John Glenn

With the recent passing of astronaut, John Glenn, it seemed appropriate to look to him for some inspiration to direct today’s post.  This one struck a chord.  After all, we are happiest when we are doing what we love and love what we are doing.

It is unfortunate when one finds him/herself struggling to get through the workday.  It is disheartening to see people’s gifts go wasted because they are trapped in a mundane job they despise.  Everyone has gifts.  Everyone is uniquely talented.  Sadly, few realize this.  Most think that they are rather ordinary.  And, of course, when we believe ourselves to be ordinary, we don’t dare do anything but the ordinary.

John Glenn’s life is a one-of-a-kind, but so is your life and mine.  The “first to orbit the earth” already belong’s to Glenn, and, of course, most of us won’t be a part of the space program, but there are countless “firsts” yet to be.  Dare to dream.

You have talents and capabilities.  To what extent are you using them?  If you are not, what is holding you back?

Your life might be ordinary by comparison to the likes of John Glenn, but you aren’t John Glenn—nor should you want to be.  Still, you can be (extra)ordinary.  Discover your unique gifts and use them.

If we don’t use our God-given talents and capabilities, we are cheating ourselves and others.  Everyone is gifted for his/her specific purpose in the world.  Maybe you can’t just quit your job and pursue your passions (at least immediately), but you can use your talents.  Why not use your gifts?  Maybe your job doesn’t require all you gifts, but use them where you can.  You must.  Be the full expression of yourself.  The world deserves it.

Carpe momento!

“A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals.”—Larry Bird

“There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge.”—Napoleon Hill

I was inspired by the story of Collette Divitto, a 26-year-old Boston woman with Down’s Syndrome (http://boston.cbslocal.com/2016/11/25/boston-woman-down-syndrome-cookie-business-dreams-big/).  Ms. Divitto was repeatedly rejected by potential employers because “she wasn’t the right fit”.  Determined, she has taken her fate in her own hands and is starting her own cookie business.  I love it!

To often, we let others’ perceptions of our limitations get in the way of our own success.  Stop!  If this is you, ignore what others have to say and go with what you know you are capable of doing.  Better yet, extend yourself beyond what even you believe you are capable of.  You will like surprise everyone—including yourself.

Too often, we settle for less than we can dream because others want to hold us back.  Nonsense! Dream big!  “Can’t” is a weak word.  “Can’t” will hold you back if you let it.  Believe that you are capable.

I don’t know Collette, but I have known people like her.  Sometimes we have to have someone with “limitations” show us the extent we are putting limitations on ourselves.

Don’t limit yourself.  Let nothing impede your success.  Others can tell you, “You can’t.”  Don’t listen.  Prove ‘em wrong.  If you are saying to yourself, “I can’t”, well, there is no force of nature that will lead you to success.  You’ve quit before you started.

Success can only come if you believe it.  So, believe it!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  Carpe momento!

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.”—Denis Waitley

“It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.”—Laura Ingalls Wilder

There are some really simple things I enjoy on an almost daily basis. They involve very little effort, but it struck me how much I look forward to these seemingly minor events in my life.

In the hustle and bustle of life, time alone with my wife is premium.  With our busy work schedules, shuffling the children around to practices and other events, and all the other things that need to be done just to keep the household functioning, we don’t often get the chance to just stop to spend time alone together.  Date nights take a fair amount of effort and can sometimes lose their charm—or simply feel like an escape.  Not long ago, we started setting aside a “15-minute check-in” most evenings.  The kids will say it always goes over 15-minutes, but, oh well.  Honestly, now, if for some reason, we can’t make it work, it feels like there is a huge void in the day.  It is time simply spent.  We sit, have a glass of wine (or, in my case, a beer), and talk about our day.  I look so forward to this time.  I am not even sure my wife realizes how much I look forward to this time.

Then there are the little opportunities to spend time with my son and daughter.  I look forward to walking my little girl to the bus stop in the morning.  It is only a block away, and anymore she doesn’t let me hold her hand—but, sometimes she does.  The time is short, and often we are hustling out the door to catch the bus, but it is special time.  It is our time.  To wave goodbye as the bus leaves gives me a warm start to the day.  Then, of course, there are the times when she just wants to cuddle on the couch.  These times are fleeting, as children grow.  Hopefully, though, they morph into special times that are different, but equally important.

My son is growing up fast.  Presently, he is in the awkwardly sweet time between boyhood and manhood.  Any time I can just chat with him about life is precious.  He is in sports—football, wrestling, and lacrosse.  So, I have a lot of time with him shuttling to and from practices.  We have a lot of father-son talks during these times.  They are special encounters.  Moments that shape both of us.

Embrace the moments.  Carpe momento!  Receive every occasion with thanksgiving. 

Don’t waste your seconds.  Let every experience be purposeful.

Focus on the opportunities to have an impact.  It is cliché, but life is short.  Choose what is most significant.  Consider significance over importance and urgency.  Make your time matter more than productivity.  After all, it is the simple things in life that mean the most.

“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.”—Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

“Be decisive. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision!”—Unknown

According to Brian Tracy, “Decisiveness is a characteristic of high-performing men and women. Almost any decision is better than no decision at all.”  Decisiveness is a leadership trait.  It is crucial in sport, in business, and in pretty much anything else.  (I’d love to see more decisive drivers on the road, myself.)  So, why do we tend to be so indecisive?

I think it goes back to four destructive enemies of faith –fear, doubt, anxious care, and human reasoning—about which I recently wrote.  We let these take the wheel, and we avoid committing to a decision.  But where does indecisiveness ever get us? Nowhere, of course.

It is time to take charge and turn fear, doubt, anxious care, and human reasoning into positive energies.  It is time to make these self-assurance, certainty, peace of mind, and trust.

If we face a challenging circumstance, we can’t hem and haw and put off making a decision.  Remember: “No stalling”!  Take your shot.  If you miss, recover and shoot again.  Keep shooting until you score.

Being decisive does not mean one decides without getting all the facts.  Quite the contrary.  One needs to quickly size up the situation and make a decision.  Decisive action breeds confidence and averts reflexive action.

The other night, I observed my son in wrestling practice.  He had no offense and was weak on defense.  As a result, he had to expend tremendous amount of energy fighting in the bottom position to avoid getting pinned.  He would have exerted far less energy, if he had to confidence to shoot—had he been decisive and assertive.

Life is like this.  We lack the will and the confidence to attack life.  As a result, we let life kick us around.  No more!  Time to take command and be on the offensive.  It is time to determine what we want and go for it.

Make decisiveness a part of your morning routine.  Awaken to the day with a sense for what you want to accomplish and take the bull by the horns.  This is your life.  Don’t let another tell you how to live it.  Know your Purpose and live it!  Be (extra)ordinary!  Carpe momento!

“The way to develop decisiveness is to start right where you are, with the very next question you face.”—Napoleon Hill

 

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place… and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain’t about how hard you hit… It’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward… how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that.”–Rocky Balboa

O.K., Rocky Balboa is a little pessimistic, but he makes a good argument.  In a society trending towards “safe spaces” and participation trophies, we need a bit more Rocky.  We need more attitude of “bring it on!”  Reality is: the world can be a “very mean and nasty place.”  Truth be told, however, high performing people welcome the challenge.

Woody Hayes said that “Nothing that comes easy is worth a dime.”  How true this is.  We value that which we have labored hard to earn.  The harder the work—the greater the sweat and blood we expend—the more we appreciate the accomplishment.

Do you have goals?  Are they easily within your reach or are they “unreasonable by normal expectations”, as my friend, Dr. Coyte Cooper, suggests?

How do people react when you share your goals?  If they respond: “Are you…crazy?!”, then you are on track.

The new year is just around the corner.  Are you a person who makes New Year Resolutions?  More importantly, are you a person who keeps New Year Resolutions?  Are your Resolutions sufficiently “unreasonable”?  I suggest, if you are one who makes, but does not keep, Resolutions, don’t bother.  Better strategy, however, is to take the process seriously and set firm—and unreasonable by normal expectations—goals this season.  Have a plan to attack your goals and succeed.  Don’t give up easily.

Personally, I am not a fan or New Year Resolutions.  I prefer a serious process of goal setting that may or may not be tied with the changing of the calendar.  Whenever you determine to set goals, however, challenge yourself.  Set the bar high and go for it.  Have a plan to get you there and expect obstacles (if you can’t anticipate obstacles, it ain’t much of a goal, is it?).  From here take baby steps toward success—in other words, focus on the day-to-day actions that will progress you toward the finish.

Back to Rocky, expect that the world won’t care the least about your goals.  In fact, expect that most will be jealous of your success.  Such people are detractors.  Ignore them.  Welcome those who support you, but distance yourself from those who wish to see you fail.

Know what you are worth and get what you are worth.  There is no one who is without significant Purpose.  Believe no one who would tell you otherwise.  Anyone who would devalue another only wants to keep others down because he or she lacks the will and fortitude to succeed.  You don’t need such people.  Gravitate to the people who know your value.  Work.  Pursue your Purpose with a vengeance.  Take the hits, if you must, but keep moving forward.

Carpe momento!

“Never die easy. Why run out of bounds and die easy? Make that linebacker pay. It carries into all facets of your life. It’s okay to lose, to die, but don’t die without trying, without giving it your best.”—Walter Payton

I know wrestling is dominating my posts lately.  But, after all, it is wrestling season (and Coach Andy Lausier has challenged me to write a post a day for the season).  So, today’s post continues the trend.

I observed something in my son’s practice on Saturday.  It was a 3-hour practice, and I had told him that it would be an hour and a half.  He wasn’t feeling all that well going into it, so he started to fall into a less than 100% effort after 2 hours (maybe sooner—I wasn’t watching all of the practice).  I noticed that in the drills, he was putting little effort into his offense, but was fighting like heck to keep from getting pinned.  I pointed this out to him and told him that it takes far less energy to go on the offensive than it does to fight getting pinned.  It struck me that this is yet another life lesson brought to us from the sport of wrestling.

Too often we fear failure and, therefore, avoid trying all together.  We settle for mediocre (or just the successful side of mediocre).  Then, when life deals a setback, we fight like hell.  In the end, we are drained from the fight.

Success warrants offensive action.  It warrants taking charge and using our Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social energies wisely.

How do you start your day?  Do you begin with a plan?  Do you begin with purposeful efforts to set your frame of mind right and to move forward with positive energy?  Remember: attitude shapes one’s attitude.

Don’t start your day unprepared.  Time spent setting goals, considering the opportunities that lie ahead, expressing gratitude, etc. is all time well spent.  It is energy that is expended with a positive purpose.  A small effort on the front end of the day will prevent one from having to exhaust one’s self in response to whatever troubles the day might bring.

Carpe momento!

“Anyone can wrestle until they’re tired”—Cael Sanderson

 

“It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.”—Robert H. Schuller

I recently saw the cover of The Power of Negative Thinking: An Unconventional Approach to Achieving Positive Results by Bobby Knight.  I admit, I have not read the book—nor do I expect I will.  It might be a good book.  Bobby Knight, for all his faults, was, after all, a successful basketball coach.

The title intrigued me.  So, of course, I Googled it.  To my surprise, a number of books with similar titles popped up (e.g., The Power of Negative Thinking: Coming to Terms with Our Forbidden Emotions by Gerald Amada and The Positive Power of Negative Thinking by Julie K. Norem).  The titles are a bit misleading, and with a bit more research I learned that the strategy has some merit.  “Negative thinking” actually refers to what might be better labeled as “mental contrasting”, a term coined by psychologist Gabrielle Oettingen and her colleagues.

Oettinggen and colleagues (2012) concluded that “Mental contrasting participants who received positive feedback performed better than those who received moderate feedback.”  The idea here is that, while we visualize success, we are careful to give attention to where we are presently in our growth plan and all the challenges that confront us.  This makes perfect sense to me.  While I like Napoleon Hill’s Power of Positive Thinking, I am also a fan of Robert H. Schuller’s Power of Possibility Thinking.  Moreover, I am a realist—I am neither a glass half-full or half-empty person.  Rather, I look at the glass and say: “I want it full.  How do I fill it?”  This is mental contrasting.

I don’t like the label of “negative thinking”.  I prefer to think positive with a realistic approach to success.  This is what having a growth plan is all about.  One must set goals, expect a positive outcome, consider the potential obstacles, and work one’s tail off to accomplish the goals.  I prefer the power of possibility thinking coupled with an action plan.

Avoid the expectation that your goals will come to fruition simply because you believe they will.  Personally, I think this is a nonsense approach.  Rather shoot for goals that are “not realistic by normal expectations” (Coyte Cooper).  Consider the challenges that will invariable come.

The Pollyannaic Principle suggests that subconsciously we are optimistically, but consciously we tend to focus more on the negative.  It is good to be more internally optimistic.  Outwardly, we have to be in control.  We have a choice in how we approach the task at hand.  Negativity is a choice we make.  Therefore, we also have the option of being positive.

Realistically, we are certain to be met with challenges to our success.  Expect that the forces will oppose you and attack your goal with vehemence.  Carpe momento the heck out of your goals.  See challenges as opportunities to grow.  Accept the challenge and act.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

“No one is mocked with the yearning for that which he has no ability to attain. If he holds the right mental attitude and struggles earnestly, honestly toward his goal, he will reach it, or at least approximate to it.”—Orison Swett Marden

Oettingen, G., M.K. Marquart, & P.M. Gollwitzer. (2012). Mental contrasting turns positive feedback on creative potential into successful performance. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 48(5): 990-996.

 

“There was no greater sin for a Gable wrestler than to be caught stalling — backing up, eating clock, not attacking and destroying — and once Gable even screamed at a ref to call it on his own guy.”—Wright Thompson*

Everyone who ever wrestled knows Dan Gable.  Dan Gable is larger than life and undeniably the epitome of a wrestler and coach.  One of Gable’s core principles was “no stalling”.  He lives this on and off the mat.

Many of us are stalling in life.  We have the desire, perhaps, but we are avoiding executing or simply holding on to avoid doing anything that might cause us to lose out on “success”.  Stalling, however, is not a winning strategy.  Stalling is a strategy that protects us, but limits us to the “successful side of mediocre”.  High performers in life (and wrestling) do not stall.

One of my most memorable matches in my rather undistinguished wrestling career occurred my sophomore year of high school.  A senior and I were similar in weight, and we would sometimes weigh in at both 185 and Unlimited.  (In those days, the upper weight classes were limited to these.  I spent three years of varsity losing up to 30 lb after football to make weight at 185.  To wrestle Unlimited, you had to weigh over 180 lb, I believe, but your opponent could weigh anything over this.  Today, the upper limit is 285 lb and there are more options in the upper classes.)   One particular dual match, Bob was to wrestle the 185-pounder, and we would forfeit at Unlimited (the opponent out weighed us by more than 80 lb).  Bob won, but not by the spread necessary for our team to win the dual with a forfeit at Unlimited.  So, I had to face this really big guy and just not get pinned.  It should not have been a hard task, but I kept getting cautioned for stalling.  I got nervous and shot.  My opponent sprawled and got on top of me with all that weight.  It was not long before he pinned me.  It is a disappointment that I still carry.

In this match, one could argue that stalling was a wise strategy.  Perhaps.  (Dan Gable would not think so.)  Stalling was not comfortable, though.  I suggest that stalling should never be a comfortable option.

We are wired for self-preservation.  So, sometimes, stalling might seem reasonable.  But, if one wants to be a high-achiever—a high-performer—one has to always be driving forward.  To be (extra)ordinary, one must be pushing forward.  One must always have the will to be on the attack.

If we feel like our life is in a holding pattern—i.e., we are stalling—we need to take the shot.  My mistake in wrestling was not in taking the shot.  My mistake was in taking the shot I took.  I didn’t wrestle smart, but the experience has not caused me to fear taking chances.  The lesson in this match (remember, in wrestling, as in life, there are only winners and learners) was not that I should stall when faced with challenges. The lesson was that I need to attack with a smart strategy.

Having a growth plan is a smart attack strategy.  Approaching each day with a specific offensive strategy is the only option, if winning is to be a possibility.  Stalling is running away.  It is a position of weakness.

One may be heavily outweighed by one’s opponent, and defeat (i.e., to not win) may be inevitable, but victory is only possible when one is on the offensive.  After all, there are no defensive points in wrestling.  Stalling leads nowhere.

Carpe momento!

“In every battle there comes a time when both sides consider themselves beaten, then he who continues the attack wins.”—Ulysses S. Grant 

*Wright Thompson. The Losses of Dan Gable. ESPN The Magazine. Retrieved 12-3-2016 at *Wright Thompson. The Losses of Dan Gable. ESPN The Magazine. Retrieved 12-3-2016 at http://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/page/Dan-Gable/the-losses-dan-gable

“Whatever you do, do well. For when you go to the grave, there will be no work or planning or knowledge or wisdom.”—Ecclesiastes 9:10 (NLT)

I try to remind myself of this verse everyday.  Life is short, so do what you must do now and do it well.

This is not an uncommon theme on this blog.  I recently shared “Leave everything you have in this room” (November 15, 2016), and several other recent posts have been along this vein.  I guess I need to keep reminding myself!

I have been trying to impart this wisdom upon my son (both children, actually).  I hope I demonstrate it to my students.  Certainly, I struggle each day myself to “bring it”.  The intent is there.  Whether the outcome is always my best is a matter for debate.  I hope it is.  I hope I “leave everything you have in this room”.

This verse in Ecclesiastes is the ultimate expression of carpe momento.  It is a stark reality that we are all headed to the grave, and we don’t know when.  There is no time to waste on mediocrity.  There are no half-assed efforts.  We must put in the effort today like there is no tomorrow.

Set goals.  Have a growth plan.  Execute. 

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

At the end of the day there should be a “pleasant sense of fatigue”—a feeling that you gave the day your all.  You should rest your eyes knowing that you gave you all—that you gave 100% and “left it all in this room”.  To do anything less is to have wasted your talents. 

Desire.  Put your heart and soul into what you do.  Be enthusiastic even when your enthusiasm wanes.  Be passionate.

The New International Version translates Ecclesiastes 9:10 as “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might….”  This leave no room for holding back.  One-hundred percent effort.  “Whatever your hand finds to do.”  This means ALL aspects of your life—not just sports or work.  This means Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Socially.  ALL the time.  Not SOME of the time.

Be your best today….

Carpe momento!!

“It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things.”—Theodore Roosevelt