Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“The best way to detoxify is to stop putting toxic things into the body and depend upon its own mechanisms.”–Andrew Weil

I see all sorts of articles telling me to detoxify my body.  Drink this.  Eat that.  With regards to these, I believe Dr. Weil is correct.  More so, however, I am concerned with emotional toxicity. 

Just as detoxifying our body begins with not putting in toxic things, we must avoid toxic people and toxic environments! 

A recent article in Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-flux/201608/8-common-traits-the-toxic-people-in-your-life) identified eight characteristics of toxic people:

1. Toxic people are manipulative.
2. They are judgmental.
3. They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
4. They don’t apologize. 
5. They are inconsistent.
6. They make you prove yourself to them.
7. They make you defend yourself.
8. They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you.

You don’t need people like this in your life.  Get rid of them.  If you can’t get rid of them (e.g., you can’t just change your job), detoxify.  Purge their effects.

Your growth habits become your emotional liver.  These filter the damaging effects of the toxic people and maintain your emotional health.

If you can avoid toxic people, by all means do so.  This is certainly not possible one 100% of the time.  So, you need to filter them.  Often one toxic person is easy enough to contend with.  Multiple toxic people are like a cancer and far more devastating.  The first step is to assess your current situation.  Toxic people/environments will generally not change.  So, the question is: Do you change or do you change environments? Chances are you can’t change environments (at least immediately).  So, changing yourself is, perhaps, the best option.  Now, I know, the question in your head is: “Wait a minute.  They are the toxic ones.  Why do I have to change?”  Why?  Because they won’t, and you are not changing to suit them.  You must change your approach for you.  In other words, this is an “opportunity” to grow.  The following are some random thoughts on what you can do (some I do regularly and others I know I perhaps should—and, for full disclosure, I am learning how to deal with toxic situations):

1. Find the group or persons in the environment and meet regularly to focus on uplifting and encouraging one another.
2. Up your journaling skills—start your day with positive, energizing thoughts.
3. Encourage others.
4. Find your Mastermind group and/or mentors.
5. Consider the “opportunities” that are presented in your situation, rather than dwelling on these as burdens or challenges.
6. Clear the clutter in your work space and home environments—don’t add to the turmoil in the environment.
7. Allow time in the day to escape and take a “productive pause”.
8. Surround yourself with cheer—let light invade the darkness.
9. Schedule time for exercise.
10. Schedule a daily “15-minute Check-In” with your spouse, partner, or another close relationship to share and debrief—don’t carry the frustrations alone.

So, before you consider a physical cleanse and drink some bizarre concoction, cleanse yourself emotionally.  It will do much more for your health.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

“The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.”—Tony Robbins

The Emotional dimension is the cornerstone of well-centered fitness.  It is built upon a foundation of Spiritual and Physical wellness and supports the Intellectual and Social dimensions.  The Emotional dimension, thus, is influenced by and affects the other dimensions.  It is also perhaps the most fragile of the dimensions.

Consider the effort that we put into our morning routine.  We may spend an hour or more every morning journaling, reading, exercising, etc. only to have our positive attitude washed away by a careless driver who cuts us off.  Therefore, maintaining our Emotional well-centeredness is a constant challenge.

Amidst the chaos of the day we must be vigilant to guard our emotional state.  We must begin with a positive attitude and regularly hit the “refresh” button.  Unguarded, we are sure to be affected by the toxicity and negativity that surrounds us.

As the dimensions of our well-centered fitness are interconnected, we must consider each of these in our efforts to be positive and encouraged.  Exercise, meditation, prayer, reflection, reading, and the other morning activities of a “well-centered” individual set the course.  Nonetheless, we must take steps to remain positive throughout the day.

Our “environment of excellence” (Jim Harshaw) is critical to maintaining our emotional status.  The physical environment of excellence will include a clutter-free home, car, and work space.  We must surround ourselves with people who uplift and encourage.  Negative people are toxic and suck the life out of anyone.  Music, pictures, and cheerful colors brighten our space.  We must make every effort to remove negativity from our environment.

Remember, our attitude shapes our attitude.  Likewise, our environment is what we choose it to be.  Our emotional state is also a choice.  That’s right.  We cannot blame anyone or anything for our lousy attitude.  If you get knocked from a positive trajectory, right the course.  Do something to get back on track.

Driving is my emotional nemesis.  Two hours of intentional effort in the morning can be destroyed before I even get on the on ramp to the highway.  I am embarrassed to admit it, but I am known to lose my cool—my well-centeredness—when driving (admittedly, it is more the norm than the exception).  The choice is mine, however, whether I allow myself to continue a negative course or get myself quickly back on course.  Key is to not get deflected in the first place.

How can we protect our emotional state?

–Productive pause—Take time throughout the day to relax, meditate, collect your thoughts, etc.

–Music—Listen to upbeat, positive music throughout the day.

–Mastermind/mentors—Surround yourself with positive people.

–Humor—Laugh it off.  Don’t let people or situations get to you.

–Exercise—Sweat out your frustrations.

–Read—Read motivating books.

–Socialize—Seek out friends who are supportive and encouraging.

–Journal—Start the day with positive thoughts and goals.

—Carpe momento—Take care to enjoy the moment and consider your circumstances to be “opportunities” rather than burdens or challenges.

–Scroll—Don’t linger on negative social media.  Focus on the positive.

Emotional well-centeredness is the keystone.  The keystone supports the surrounding structure.  Additionally, it gains its stability from the surrounding stones—i.e., the other dimensions (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, and Social).  Together they form a solid structure.

“It’s so important to realize that every time you get upset, it drains your emotional energy. Losing your cool makes you tired. Getting angry a lot messes with your health.”—Joyce Meyer

“Those who have accomplished great things in the world have been, as a rule, bold, aggressive, and self-confident. They dared to step out from the crowd and act in an original way. They were not afraid to be generals.”—Orison Swett Marden

This past weekend my son wrestled in a state middle school dual team qualifier tournament.  He chose to wrestle out of his own ambition and confidence.  I expected that it would be the stiffest competition he has faced, and it was.  He went two-and-out (i.e., lost his first two matches—was pinned—and was eliminated).  I had, optimistically, hoped for more, but the reality is that he is only a 6^th grader going up against more experienced and more mature 7^th and 8^th graders.  It took guts to step out onto the mat.  He did so without hesitation.  I admired his heart.  We can all stand to be so bold as to dare the unlikely.

As we face the future, we should not ask for a comfortable path.  Rather, we should want to be challenged.  There is no reward to be had in taking the steps that are easy.

When we have success, do we choose to ride its momentum, or do we steer toward a new challenge (i.e., opportunity)?  Great things come from being great.  There is little that can be accomplished from within the comfort zone.  We must reach.  We must stretch ourselves.  We may not win, but we will not lose.  As in wrestling, so it is in life: “There are no losers….  There are only winners and learners.”

We have a choice when faced with obstacles and/or uncertainty in life.  We can: 1) run, 2) avoid, or 3) confront.  Among these, confrontation provides the only possibility of success.  True, there is the prospect of “failure”, but there is no other path to growth.  Choose confrontation.

Be grateful for the opportunity to “compete”.  Be bold and unafraid.

Life is not without uncertainty.  This should not alarm us.  This should not impede us.  The path prepared for us is what it is.  Do not hesitate to take the step that is revealed to you.  Take it.  Don’t worry about the step that will follow.  Just step—one step at a time.  One bold step at a time.

Carpe momento!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

“You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.”—E. O. Wilson

Recently, my family was presented with the possibility for some dramatic changes in our lives.  Change can be unsettling.  Change is also an opportunity.

I should have seen this coming, as my thoughts have been on the very subject of path and where I am supposed to be at this point in my life.  There is where we are, where we want to be, where we need to be, and where we are supposed to be.  Ideally, these are in alignment.

It is my experience that it is the “want to be” that tends to be out of alignment with the others.  It is our nature to think that things should be better—that the “grass is greener” somewhere else.  I believe it is true that the grass can always be greener.  The question for us is “which grass?”  I would suggest that we make the grass greener where we are.

The notion that the grass be greener where we are is not to suggest we are to remain where we are.  Rather, I suggest that we trust where we are and to where we are being led, i.e., carpe momento!  With whatever our next step might be, we make this grass greener.

I could not have expected that my recent thoughts were preparing me for potential change.  Nonetheless, here I am, stepping toward the unknown—the uncertain.  In the past, I might have been overwhelmed with anxious thoughts.  Instead, I was surprised by my increased sense of calm.

Who can know the degree to which change might come—today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year,…–or if change will come at all?  There is nothing one can do to change tomorrow.  It will be what it is to be.  What we can do is be prepared for whatever might come.

There will always be an uncertainty about tomorrow.  If one is certain about tomorrow, one is most likely to be disappointed.  There is no certainty that tomorrow will even come for us, so live in the present.  Certainly, prepare for tomorrow, but trust today.  Live today the best you can.  “Leave everything in this room.”  Be better tomorrow.

Trust in your path.  Step where life is leading you with confidence.  See beyond what you can see—not to try to predict the future, but to understand the present.  Understand that what you choose in the moment affects others far beyond yourself and events far into the future.  You cannot control the future, but the moment is yours to affect.  Trust where it is leading you.

I am uncertain about tomorrow.  I may have to accelerate my growth plan—or perhaps it is better said that life is accelerating my growth.  Either way, I have confidence in my path.  I am grateful for the opportunities that are before me.  Whether there is a fork in the path or some obstacles, I trust it is leading me to where I need, am supposed, and want to be.

Carpe momento!

“Over every mountain there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley.”—Theodore Roethke

Life doesn’t always go the way we planned.  Sometimes we get what we want.  Sometimes we don’t.  We always, however, get what we need.  It sounds a bit cliché, but I am confident that this is true.

When we find ourselves in those circumstances that are not quite what we planned or hoped for, we must pause and evaluate the situation.  Consider from where we have come, but focus on were we are in the moment.  Don’t worry about tomorrow.  Think about what you are doing now.

As part of your growth plan, you should have considered our values and drafted a mission statement.  (If you haven’t, take time to do so.)  Ask yourself: “Is the path I am on consistent with my values and mission?”  Consider your goals.  Is your path leading you in the direction of these?  If not, what needs to change?  (As well, ask: “Are these the right goals?”)

When our circumstances are abruptly changed, as they often are, we need to ask: “Why?”  More specifically, “What is the opportunity here?”  Yes.  It might seem like a crappy situation in which you have found yourself, but it is an opportunity.  It is an opportunity to grow.  It is also an opportunity to learn what you are capable of doing.  It is an opportunity to try something new—and perhaps greater than what you were previously doing.  It might even be an opportunity to do something you were afraid to do.  Moreover, it is an opportunity to be grateful.

Everyone’s circumstances are different.  There is really no bullet list I can provide here.  Suffice it to say you need to own your circumstances.  Consider them from the perspective of the dimensions of well-centered fitness—Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social.  Your circumstance may affect only one or a couple of these, but there will be some affect.  It may not even have the greatest affect on you personally.  Indeed, it is most likely that your situation may have a compounding affect on others.  Consider how and what this means for you and the others involved.

Hind-sight is, indeed, 20/20.  Looking back, there are surely countless times to which one can reflect and see that circumstances didn’t work out the way we planned, but they certainly worked for the good in ways we could never have anticipated.  You are, perhaps, on the cusp of such a time.  Such is a time for patience, optimism, and trust.

A friend commented this morning that he got married when he was “18 and stupid”.  Fifty-two years later, he is still happily married.  I called to question his “stupidity”.  The child they had a year later and the subsequent grandchildren are a tribute to my friends’ “stupidity”.  Clearly, they would never go back to correct their stupidity.  To do so would erase 52 blessed years.

I really do not like the question: “If you could go back in time and change one thing…?”  No matter what you have done or experienced in your life, it has brought you to where you are right now.  Where you are today may not be such a great place as a result.  That doesn’t matter.  What matters is what your do next.  You have a choice.  You have an opportunity to make tomorrow better.  Carpe momento!

Your “stupidity” might have brought you to where you are, but it is where your need to be this moment for tomorrow to be better. Be optimistic!  Be adventurous!  Embrace the opportunity!

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”—Henry Ford

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.”—Zig Ziglar

Are you as tired of social media—and the media, in general—as I am? It is certainly becoming easier to avoid spending too much time on social media because there is just so much negativity. This has to stop! There is too much to enjoy in life to spend our time complaining.

I have been enjoying Andy Lausier’s Facebook page, “From Have to Get” (https://www.facebook.com/fromhavetoget/?pnref=story). In addition, I have found quite a few of my friends to be extremely positive and uplifting. I gravitate to these because I need their messages. After all, we “are the average of the five people (we) spend the most time with” (Jim Rohn), so, if social media counts, what is the content of the friends with whom we interact most? What is the mood of the content we post, personally? Are we finding ourselves embroiled in never-ending, no-win, political debates?? If we find ourselves constantly complaining rather than encouraging, we are part of the problem. Nevertheless, we can part of the solution.

Begin small. Begin by being intentional with just one motivational post per day. In general, the days that I am posting the most encouraging material are the days that I need the most encouragement. I challenge you to post what you most need. I promise, your will receive in return.

Baby steps. Avoid commenting on the most controversial of issues. Eventually, you can work to avoid getting sucked into futile debates all together.

Temper your offensiveness. I am not a believer that we need to walk on egg shells. People seriously need to lighten up and not be so easily offended. We can, however, avoid poking the hornet’s nest. (We know we all do it.) We can just practice being a bit gentler in presenting our opinions.

Express gratitude more often. Gratitude shapes our attitude. The more we express it the more positive we are going to be.

Let people know you are thinking about and/or praying for them. Just knowing that someone cares can do much to uplift the spirits of someone who is down. Let people know that you are aware.

If you must comment on global circumstances, propose solutions. Make discussions productive. Stop arguing, please!

We can do better with our social media. We can also do better in our face-to-face conversations. Respect one another. Every interaction is an opportunity.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

I continue to struggle with the question of whether or not I am where I am supposed to be.  I think this is something most all of us go through from time to time.  If I take the time to look beyond my current frustrations, however, I can see the opportunities that are before me and the relationships and experiences that I would not have had were I to be anywhere else.

It may be that I am convincing myself falsely, but there is no clear indication that I am to go elsewhere or be on a different path. Carpe momento.  “Do not worry about tomorrow…. Let today’s own troubles be sufficient.”  I know this to be true, but I persist in trying to change tomorrow.

Why worry about tomorrow.  We can neither predict or dictate what will happen.  Our best option is to just accept our circumstances where we are.  I find it a good exercise to look at where we are in the moment—the people around us, the impact we are having, and the opportunities that are presenting themselves.

When presented with the question: what will tomorrow bring?  A common answer is: “God knows(?)”  It is funny how attitude can shape how that answer is punctuated.  Notice, with a slight change in the inflection of our voice, the answer can be the uncertain “God knows?” or the trusting, confident “God knows.”  We need to respond to the question of tomorrow with the certainty of the later.  There is a path before us.  We may not know to where it is taking us, but we can trust we are on the right path for us at this present time.  Who is to know when the next fork in the road may come?  We don’t even know if there is a fork ahead.  Why expend the energy on what we don’t know?  Carpe momento.

To “look beyond what we see” does not mean to keep looking head to what is yet to be.  Rather it means to look outside of our limited experience.  Remember, we are Spiritual.  There is more going on in the Universe than what we can see.  What we are doing and what is happening to us has impact that reaches far beyond our self.  Consider this.

We may not know now why circumstances are what they are, but we can trust that they are what they are for purposes beyond what we can see.  It may be for us.  It may be for someone else.  It might serve us in the moment.  It might serve us down the road.  Whatever the reason, we need to be where we are.  Consider the opportunity that is being presented.

A good practice is to list the opportunities that are before you at the start of the day.  This permits us to view our circumstances not as burdens or challenges but as occasions for gratitude.  We flip our mindset for “have to” to “get to”.  This seemingly minor exercise can dramatically affect one’s attitude and emotional approach to the day.  Remember: your attitude shapes your attitude.  The simple practice of viewing our circumstances as involving other besides our self allows us to “see beyond what we see”.  It is a matter of choice.

Carpe momento!

“Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.”—John C. Mitchell

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”—Dale Carnegie

We gain confidence in doing.  If we seek to do our best today, and we push our limits, we will be better tomorrow.  Improvement is inevitable.  The hardest part of doing is getting started.

My son is in the throws of middle school wrestling.  We missed out on many of the league tournaments because of weather, and, frankly, I suspected he was anxious about competing.  He seemed a bit nervous about the competition.  Thankfully, something clicked in his first middle school meet.  It included takedown only matches, and he went 3-0.  After the meet, he was talking about what tournaments were left.  The following week, the swept his three middle school matches—two pins and a technical fall!  The confidence continues to build.  All it took was going out and getting busy.

We can do the same.  Small successes build into greater successes.  We just have to “go out and get busy”.

What is it you want to do?  What is holding you back?

Take action.  Trust in yourself.  Trust in the process.

Dream big but act on your dreams.

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”—Norman Vincent Peale

“My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation.”—Arthur Conan Doyle

“Be your best today; be better tomorrow” is a thread running through these posts.  It is a concept central to growth—and to one’s growth routine.  If you are not growing—if you are not challenging yourself daily—you are likely stagnating.  Having a “growth routine”, however, does not ensure that one is growing.  It is truly a growth routine only if it is stretching your comfort zone.  A proper growth routine should be challenging and should be progressive.  Anything else is, well, just routine.

Consider your morning routine.  Has it progressed over time, or are you simply repeating the same efforts again and again?  If you write daily goals (as you should) are they repeated day after day or are you committing to the principle of “overload”?  If you look back over your journal, does it read like you are Bill Murray in Groundhog Day?  Or can you see a progression that is showing overall growth?

It is very easy to allow one’s growth routine to become routine.  Trust me.  I have been caught in the snare of redundancy, myself.  It will undoubtedly happen now and then.  The key is to recognize it before you get too deep in the quicksand.

Build into your growth routine a long-term progression.  My friend, Coyte Cooper (Make Your Mark, “Earn the Right to Live Your Dreams”), might call this “layering”.  Put a timeline to your goals and add to these over time.

I have written about how I am no fan of new year resolutions.  These might work for some, but I see this one-time-a-year approach to be limited.  First, one tends to wait until the start of a year to begin anew.  Second, one writes a list of resolutions that are either quickly forgotten or quickly fulfilled.  Once accomplished, one is left waiting for the ball to drop again.

In a proper growth plan, goals are stacked and intensified, as they are accomplished.  This is at the heart of the “well-centered fitness” concepts.  One must consider growth to be moving ever closer to the asymptotes of Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social well-being.  Goals are never really accomplished.  They are continually refined.  As the great coach, Vince Lombardi, once said: “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”  Unfortunately, we too often settle for the hamster wheel that is “the successful side of mediocre”.

We have a choice today.  We can choose to do what we did yesterday with contentment and complacency, or we can choose to approach today with zeal and grateful ambition.

A number of years ago I went on a commercially run trail ride in Kentucky.  The horses followed the same path day after day.  One need not hold the horse’s reigns, as the horse new to stay to the path.  Being a bit rebellious and feeling sorry for the horse, I tried to steer him out of the rut.  At first he resisted.  Then, he accepted my command and stepped out of the rut to walk in the grass.  (The trail guide didn’t like it, and I was scolded back into line.)  For that brief time, I could sense a change in the horse.  He seemed happy.  He seemed free.  Horses and people are not meant to walk the same path over and over.  We are meant to cut new trails and to grow.  There is nothing sadder than a life that is wasted in stagnation.  Be free from the routine and pursue the (extra)ordinary.  Carpe momento!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

“Creativity is piercing the mundane to find the marvelous.”—Bill Moyers

It is winter.  Maybe you have been stuck in the snow a time or two?  Or maybe you have found your tires spinning on the ice?  How about your growth plan and life, in general?  Do you feel like you are spinning your wheels—trying to accelerate, but getting nowhere?  Be assured, we all feel like this at times.

So, what do we do when our tires are spinning?  We can hit the gas pedal and try accelerating, but we just find our tires spinning faster, and we end up getting stuck.  No, when we find our wheels spinning, we a have a couple of techniques to utilize to get ourselves unstuck.

First thing we must do is slow down.  It is time to pause—to relax and assess our situation.  In our growth plan, this is served by our morning routine and journal time.  Some might consider meditation.  Others might also consider their exercise time as an opportunity to relax and regain traction.

Secondly, when our tires are spinning, we need to regain traction.  Sand and Kitty Litter help in the snow and ice.  In life, we consider the things that help us “get a grip”.  Generally, when we have lost traction in life and feel as though our “wheels” are spinning, we have lost focus in one or more area of “well-centered fitness”—in the Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and/or Social dimensions.  Assessing our situation will help determine a course of action.  I find there are numerous traction items in my emergency kit that I can use when I feel stuck.  For me, this includes:

–my “15-minute check-in” with my wife,

–my Mastermind group,

–my exercise routine,

–my reading (I try to select books that will contribute to my growth and help apply traction in my life),

–my bible study,

–prayer and meditation, and, honestly,

–writing this blog.

Another approach to getting unstuck is to get a push.  In life, this is calling upon our friends, family, and others to give us needed encouragement and guidance.  We all need a push now and then.  There is no shame in asking.

If you find your wheels spinning, you have a choice (we always have a choice).  You can keep spinning, or you can make the conscious effort to regain your traction and go forward.  Ultimately, the choice is yours.

“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”—Steven Wright