Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“Even though the future seems far away, it is actually beginning right now.”—Mattie Stepanek

The future.  We all want to know what the future has in store.  We wait so impatiently for the future that we miss it.  The future begins now.  Carpe momento!

We spend so much time looking far off into the future that we miss what is going on around us, right now—the very things that shape our future. The stark reality is that none of us knows how much time we have.  Plan for the future, but live for the moment.  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34, NIV).

I think there are two important things to consider about the future.

1. What we do right now dictates what happens next.
2. What we think we want may not be what we need.

Our path is before us.  We take it one step at a time.  When we act, there is a consequence—a determined outcome.  If we want a specific future (and I strongly encourage goal setting and planning), we must act toward such a future.  One cannot dream of being something that he or she does not prepare for or work to be.

I don’t know about you, but I have wanted a lot of things in my life that I thank God I never got.  I like the future I have right now much better than the future I sought 20, 30, or 40 years ago.  Then, again, had I known my now back then, maybe I wouldn’t have done some of the things that I have done—or I might have done things differently.  But, had I done things differently, I would not have had the now that I have.

Don’t wish for a different past.  First of all, you cannot change the past.  So, unless you can master time travel, your past is what it is.  Second, be grateful for your past, because it has made you who you are—and, if you don’t like who you are, it has given you the platform to become who you wish to be.

The only time that matters in now.  Be your best today, and be better tomorrow.  The future is shaped by the present.  “Even though the future seems far away, it is actually beginning right now” (Mattie Stepanek, emphasis mine).  Embrace the present.

“You get a participation trophy for stepping outside of your comfort zone, trying something new.  For taking a risk.”—Jim Harshaw

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Self-Control.

Self-control involves exercising restraint over one’s own impulses, emotions, and/or desires (Merriam-Webster).  Self-control is quite situational.  I can certainly control my appetite, drinking, and most physical wants.  Cross into the Emotional dimension of well-centeredness, though, and well….

Self-control truly require cultivation.  One is not born with self-control (just watch an infant), nor does one come upon self-control by happenchance.  Self-control requires discipline, and discipline requires practice.  One develops self-control in the greater things by exercising self-control in the lesser things.

If one lacks self-control, one must practice it.  It begins with goal setting—part of our growth plan.  Travis Bradbury offers six secrets of self-control (http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/09/17/the-six-secrets-of-self-control/#246cf7ad12aa):

#1. Meditate.

#2. Eat.  Controlling blood sugar can help avoid cravings (for food), as well as impulsiveness

#3. Exercise.  What doesn’t exercise help?  Indeed, exercise can benefit impulse control through neurotransmitter release (e.g., GABA), as well as getting the mind off of what one is having difficulty controlling.

#4. Sleep.  Like exercise and eating, sleep helps regulate our impulse control.

#5. Ride the wave.  Wait out the periods of strong desire.

#6. Forgive yourself.  Realize that you are going to have moments when you slip up.  Let it go and move on.

But what about those impulses like anger and other emotional outbursts?  These might not be as “simple” as dietary changes or other health habits.  These require efforts to control our response to stimuli.  Stephen Covey referred to this as expanding the space between the stimulus and the response.  Viktor Frankl noted that “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  Self-control is a choice.  It is a habit of choosing our response wisely.  How?  Through practice and self-forgiveness.  Here our growth habits—e.g., journaling, reading, meditation/prayer, visualization, etc.—lead the way.  Take the time to pause midday to breathe, relax, focus, and recharge.  When you are getting flustered and feeling your Emotional well-centeredness slipping, stop.  Take a productive pause, and move forward.  Don’t allow your positive energies to be halted by negative emotions.  Take control.  Choose your response.

Now, it I can just listen to my own advice….

Carpe momento.  Control the moment.

“I value self-discipline, but creating systems that make it next to impossible to misbehave is more reliable than self-control.”—Tim Ferriss

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Gentleness.

Gentleness is often considered unbecoming of a man (and, increasingly, women).  Ashamedly, gentleness is something that I am finding I need to restore in myself.  Over the years, I have let it be driven out of me.  In so many relationships of my youth, I was told that I was “too gentle”.  Instead of waiting for the woman who understood that gentleness is a characteristic of strength, I let women change me.  Mistake.

Thankfully, I finally did meet the woman who would demand I cultivate my gentleness.  Unfortunately, it is more difficult to re-cultivate what has been allowed to harden.

Gentleness is to be chivalrous, honorable, and free from harshness.  By no means does it mean soft or weak.  Gentleness is not an absence of physicality.  (Jesus, for example, was far from timid and weak when he took on the money changers in the temple.)  Gentleness is more closely tied to humility and caring.  Gentleness, from my perspective, is having the strength to crush but the will not to.

I hope to raise my son to be gentle.  He wrestles, and plays football and lacrosse.  Believe me.  I don’t want him to be soft.

I hope to raise my daughter to expect a man to be the same.  And, she should, likewise, treat others with gentleness.

As for me?  I will continue to strive to regain my gentleness.

“Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.”—St. Francis de Sales

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Faithfulness.

Faithfulness is associated with fidelity, dependability, truthfulness, commitment, devotion etc.  We cultivate faithfulness by being faithful.

Faithfulness is relational.  Thus, it is critical to Spiritual “well-centeredness”, as well as the Social dimension.  One cannot be faithful without the other “fruit”—love, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control.

Faithfulness is intentional.  Thus, one is unfaithful by choice.  One cannot commit adultery and claim they did not mean for it to happen.  We choose to be faithful—or not.

According to St. Augustine, “By faithfulness we are collected and wound up into unity within ourselves, whereas we had been scattered abroad in multiplicity.”  Faithfulness is unifying.  All relationships depend upon faithfulness.  All relationships presume trust, commitment, truthfulness, etc.  One cannot be in relationship without faithfulness.

Cultivate faithfulness in relationships—be it marriage, family, work, or community—by being faithful.  Be truthful.  Be honest.  Be dependable.  Be available—physically and emotionally.  Put others ahead of self.  Work on relationships and take nothing for granted.  Show your faithfulness by your actions.  (No one will take your word for it, otherwise.)

Carpe momento.  Choose to be faithful in all things.

 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Goodness.

The “fruit” of goodness is the demonstration of favorable character and integrity.  It includes decency, virtuousness, honesty, kindness, etc.  Being “good” requires doing “good” things.

Goodness is a fruit of action.  It is exemplified by the will and desire to always do the right thing.

According to Benjamin Franklin, “It is a grand mistake to think of being great without goodness and I pronounce it as certain that there was never a truly great man that was not at the same time truly virtuous.  I must say, I agree.  To be a truly (extra)ordinary person, one must be good.  An (extra)ordinary person is a person of real virtue.  If I be considered anything, I want to be labeled as “good”.

There are not nearly enough good people in the world.  We may be considered “good” by some, but we must always strive to be more “good”.  We must seek to be our best “good” today and be a better “good” tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Kindness.

When we begin with a platform of love, joy, peace, patience, etc. kindness comes easier.  Kindness is, nevertheless, cultivated.  It is a choice that we make from moment to moment.  With every interaction, we approach with kindness or not.  It requires a decision to act.  Carpe momento.

Random acts of kindness?  It is a nice thought, but it implies that we can pick and choose when to be nice—and to whom we are nice.

It is easy to be nice to nice people.  The challenge for me—and I presume the reader, as well—is to be kind to the people (we perceive to be) less deserving of kindness.

There is a void of kindness in our society.  We certainly expect people to be kind to us, but we believe it to be excusable when we are unkind in return.  I mentioned the notion of a “third way” in “Cultivate—Love”.  Kindness is the product of a “third way” mentality.  Consider what happens when you are kind to someone who is “undeserving of kindness”.  You seriously mess with them.  They don’t know what to do.  You want sweet revenge?  Nothing pours hot coals on their heads than being kind to them.  You completely disarm them.  You get the satisfaction of taking the high road, but, moreover, you change the dynamics of the relationship.  Sure, they might continue being a jerk.  Then, again, maybe—and the likelihood is greater—they will return kindness with kindness.  Either way, you can feel good.

Kindness has to begin with someone.  Why not me?

Carpe momento.  Be kind to others.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Patience.

Ah, patience!  You are my nemesis!

We prayerfully ask for God to give us patience, and he gives us opportunities to practice it.

Merriam-Webster defines patience as a “capacity, habit, or fact”.  Well, I certainly have the capacity.  Unfortunately, it is by no means a habit or fact in my life.  That is can be a habit, however, is hope for us all that if we practice we can become patient.  Like the other “fruit”, it must be cultivated.

Our attitude shapes our attitude, and our attitude shapes our behavior.  Patience begins with our first thoughts of the morning.  It is a decision that is made before the need arises.  It is a decision that is made again and again throughout the day—carpe momento!  Habit comes in making that decision frequently enough.

It is easier said than done.  We all want to be patient, don’t we?  I certainly don’t enjoy being impatient (and neither do the people around me enjoy my impatience).  It is just clocks….  Things to do.  People to see.  C’mon.  Hurry up.  Get out of my lane!….

Breathe.  Relax.  Take time in the day for productive pause.  Try starting out a little bit early.  And give others a break—love, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Carpe momento. Be patient.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Peace.

Peace is not the absence of turmoil.  It is not without struggle or conflict.  Peace, too, is an attitude we must cultivate on a daily—moment to moment—basis.

Among the definitions of peace provided by Merriam-Webster are: “a state of tranquility or quiet… freedom from civil disturbance… a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom… freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or… harmony in personal relations… a state or period of mutual concord between governments… a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity”.  Central to these is a sense of Spiritual well-centeredness—that there is more than self.

Stuff is going to happen in life.  It is inevitable.  People are going to do things that we don’t like.  We are going to do things that others don’t like.  We won’t agree.  Nevertheless, we make the decision to be peaceful.  We choose our attitude and response to difficulty.  We cultivate peace by our actions.

Peace is grown from love.  It also inspires, affects, and is affected by the remaining “fruit”.  The simple thought of “peace” as we enter a potentially troublesome interaction can make all the difference in the outcome.  I know this.  Do I do it?  (I am sure the reader knows the answer.)

Carpe momento.  Think peace.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

Joy.

Attitude shapes one’s attitude.  At the heart of joy is gratitude (grateful attitude).  Joy is cultivated by a grateful attitude.  It is a choice.  It begins with the first thoughts of the day.

Life can really stink.  There is a certainty that there will inevitably be times of difficulty.  It is hard to be joyful in such times.  Hard, but not impossible.

I have found my only path to joy to be through gratitude.  Every morning, I consider the “opportunities” that confront me—usually things that I might otherwise consider burdens, challenges, obstacles, annoyances, etc.  Taking such an approach puts me in a mindset of being where I am “for a time such as this”.  It sets me off on a more positive trajectory.  It makes way for joy.

Unfortunately, I often forget that I am joyful.  I need to remind myself often.

Joy comes by choice.  It comes from frequent pause for reflection.  It comes from surrounding one’s self with people and an environment that promote our joyfulness.  Joy is cultivated by persistent joyfulness.

Live. Laugh. Love.  The open the flood gates for joy.  Avoid worry and discord.  Choose to be joyful.

Carpe momento!  Be joyful!

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, ISV)

I have commented before how I find these verses to be a guide in my life.  Though often taught to be a product of God’s Holy Spirit, I see these as something we cultivate.  In other words, it takes effort on our part.

No matter what one’s faith might be, there is application for all of us.  This, in my opinion is one of the central themes of Spiritual well-centeredness.  It is, however, no easy task.  I will openly admit, that, if these were a measure of God’s Holy Spirit in me or my success as a person, I fall miserably short of the mark.  However, I truly believe that with effort and practice I can grow in these.  Over the course of the next nine days or so, I want to spend some time considering these individually—for myself, personally (maybe the reader can benefit, too).

Love.

Love is listed first.  Perhaps for good reason.  It is foundational to all the other “fruit”.  It is where we begin Spiritually.

Love is not like.  One does not have to like someone to love the person.  If this were so, my struggle would be nearly impossible.  Love is not merely sexual attraction—indeed, this is possible the lowest form of love.  Love rather is a deep, sincere benevolence toward another—or disposition to do good.  In the case of the biblical admonishment to “love your enemy”, it requires a desire to do no intentional harm.  It is an attitude—a chosen attitude—to treat other as we desire to be treated.  It is an attitude of goodwill and selflessness.

Love does not require that we allow others to walk all over us.  Quite the contrary, I see love as a “third way” in dealing with conflict.  Rather than intending to harm our opposition or submitting to abuse, the way of love (the third way) “is always asking if there is an imaginative, subversive, brilliant, creative path” (Rob Bell) to resolving conflict.  Love is seeking a win-win.

Love isn’t all “warm and fuzzy”.  The band, Nazareth, was right:

“Love hurts
Love scars
Love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
Love hurts
Ooh love hurts”

Still, love is essential to joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  It is a choice.  It is a decision to act contrary to our normal instincts.  Sadly, it is sorely lacking in our society.

Carpe momento. Love.