Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”—Dr. Suess

I saw the above quote this morning, coincidentally, as “memory” on a friend’s Facebook page.  It fits quite well with the thought with which I started the morning.

I had the opportunity, yesterday, to spend some extra time with my kids.  It started with picking my daughter up at the bus and taking her along to pick up a freshly strung goalie head for her brother at Bigfoot Lacrosse (an uncompensated plug for a great local business).  On the way home, we grabbed a couple pops (or “sodas”, if one prefers).  It was nothing out of the ordinary, just (extra)ordinary time spent with my sweet little girl.  Later, after my son got home from middle school and I had squeezed in some exercise, we went for pizza—something we usually only do when my wife is travelling, as she currently is.  The kids got along unusually well, as brothers and sisters sometimes do.  We chatted and just enjoyed time together.  When we got home, my son and I spent time in the cul-de-sac breaking in his goalie heads (one brand new and one newly restrung).  We talked and passed the lacrosse ball.  I noted to myself how much he has grown and matured.  He is also growing in his passion for sport and developing a work ethic.  It reassured me that he is on a path to success.  It also gave me the simple pleasure of spending a few quality moments making memories with my growing son.  After catch, I spent the rest of the evening with my little girl cuddling next to me on the sofa watching A Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix.  I could not have asked for a better Friday night (other than to have my wife home with us).  It was as if time had slowed to allow us this quality time together.  Ordinarily, it seems we are always rushing to and fro with very little time.  Friday night was special.  It was a carpe momento kind of night.

There is so much truth the Dr. Suess’ statement that “sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”  Life is this way.  We never quite know for sure that there will ever be another moment like this one.  Therefore, we must indeed seize the moment.  Time passes quickly.  Children grow and move on.  People pass through our lives ever so quickly.  There is no time to wait to make memories.  As my friend shared in the “memory” from three years ago (see how time passes so quickly?), “We are making memories!”  We are indeed.  So, let us seize the opportunity and make some great ones!

Carpe momento!

“Loving your neighbor means many things.  It means doing them no harm.  It means offering your assistance when you are able.  It means giving the gift of your time and resources.  It means listening when you want to talk; giving when you want to take.  It means yielding to the will of others.  It means not judging.  It means tolerance.  It means patience.  It means being kind when you don’t want to be.  It means sacrifice.  It means forgiveness.  Loving your neighbor means acting is such a way as to mutually benefit all people.

Your neighbor is not just the person next door.  It is the person across town.  It is the person on the other side of the country—on the other side of the world.  Your neighbor is male and female.  Your neighbor is of all faiths.  Your neighbor is of all colors, cultures, and lifestyles.  Your neighbor is your friend.  Your neighbor is your enemy.  Love your neighbor!”—Lessons for Liam

We are living in an age that is becoming increasingly divisive.  Politically and socially, we are divided.  Unfortunately, our divisions are also increasingly violent.  We want to answer violence with violence.  Of course, redemptive violence is not the way. It is never the way, though it often appears to be the only way.  Nevertheless, we need to find our way passed the hostility and division and find the way to peace.  This is the greatest challenge facing mankind.

Carpe momento!

“Do you ever feel like nothing will ever be the same again.  You just have that empty feeling in your heart.”—Unknown

My sister shared the above meme recently on social media.  She was “feeling blue and missing a friend.”  I whole-heartedly understand the emotions she is feeling.  We all feel like this from time to time.  Loss and emptiness is a common human emotion.  Personally, though, I don’t think it needs to be.

My response to my sister’s post was: “But it never will.  That is life.  It should not leave an emptiness but rather a fullness in our heart.”  My point is that nothing will ever be the same.  Things happen.  People happen.  Life is painful at times.  Yes, we feel empty from time to time.

It is a fact of life that change and heartache will come.  It is easy to think that the emptiness is real—that we have lost something.  Instead, we should consider not that which we have lost, but rather what we have gained—that is, how we have been blessed.

I wrote recently of “Loss” (see June 5, 2017).  I am still, from time to time, having thoughts of my dog, Pete, my friend, Travis, my cousin, Larry, and so many other people (and animals) that have affected by life.  When I do, it is with joy.  It is with gratitude that I consider the lives I have shared.  There is no emptiness, only fullness of heart.  If you are feeling emptiness or loss, stop.  Consider all that has been added to your life.  Let the memories fill that “void”.

Carpe momento!

I wrote the following for Liam in December of 2008.  It stands as true today.

“Never fail to stand up for your neighbor.  Never see yourself as better than another for when you do a part of you dies.  Stand for the oppressed—without violence, if you can.  Christ, after all, stood up to an entire system by allowing himself to be brutally murdered on a cross.  This is to truly love your neighbor!

I wish I could say that I have done this in my life.  But I am a coward.  Rather than stand up for others in their oppression, I have gone along with the crowd—often leading the crowd.  I am ashamed.

We all want to be popular and accepted.  There will be times in your life that you will find yourself pulled away from certain friends and classmates who no longer fit the “norm.”  Please, resist this temptation.  Rather embrace those who are different.  It won’t be easy, I know, but the reward will be overwhelming—although you most certainly won’t recognize it for years to come.

You can’t heal all the world’s suffering.  This is why we long for Christ’s return.  But, what if we who profess to follow Jesus took his message to heart and broke away from the pull of the Pharisees and offered comfort to the hurting?  What if…?”—Lessons for Liam

Image: Walking Tall (1973)

“The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12:25).

In Selling Water by the River, Shane Hipps presents an interesting discussion of the apparent paradox in John 12:25.  Christian or otherwise, this is a lesson in “well-centered” living for anyone.  It gets to the heart of the Spiritual dimension of wellness.  This is the notion that what you put first in life will have a dramatic effect on the fullness of life that you receive.

Hipps uses an analogy of binary code—I.e., 1 and 0.  The value of numbers 1 and 0 depend on their sequence.  Put a 0 in front of a 1, the value of 1 does not change—it is still 1, e.g., 01 is 1.  However, if you put the 0 after the 1, it magnifies the 1—e.g., 10, 100,…100000000, etc.  This is the power and significance of Spiritual well-centeredness.  Realizing that we are not the one is the foundation to adding fullness to life.

What, then, is the 1?  To the Christian it is the “Kingdom of God”—as in “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33, NIV).  Note: I do not subscribe to a “prosperity gospel”.  I don’t believe that this scripture tells us that we will prosper as a return on our faith.  Instead, I believe that it speaks to the fullness of life that comes in making the Kingdom the 1.  I believe this is the heart of “I am third” (My God is first, my family and friends are second, and I am third—Gale Sayers, I am Third).  I believe this is at the heart of being Spiritually “well-centered”.  The 1 is, above all the recognition that I am not number one.  Begin with this and all other blessings in life can be added.

If we put ourselves first—choose to put work, pleasure, wealth, celebrity, etc. before others—life is shallow and unfulfilling.  Thus, is the paradox of life.  Thus, is why so many who seemingly “have it all” are miserable, yet so many who seemingly “have nothing” are so happy.

Carpe momento!

Saturday was a day for me to examine loss.  I spent much of the morning with a couple of students from the lab of Dr. Travis Beck, I learned of the passing of my dad’s cousin, Larry, and my dog passes a short time before I arrived home from my travels.  It was a day of grief, but it also presented the opportunity for celebration.

We tend to look at death as leaving a void in our heart.  We feel emptiness and loss.  We focus on the passing rather than all that we have received.  We tell others “I am sorry for your loss”, when we really should be encouraging them to “celebrate what you have received”.

I wrote a while back (see “Mentors”, April 6, 2017) about my relationship with Dr. Beck.  I could not be where I am today in my research without his help and friendship.  He had an incredible impact upon his students.  There was not one that I talked to at the conference who was not visibly emotional in talking about him.  His life, as all the lives that touch us, was impacting.  He left a visible impression upon his students.  One student commented that he has left behind so much data from his work that his students intend to keep his name out there (in publications) “for the next ten years”.  The intend to turn the loss into gain.  As I talked to these students, it was apparent to me that there is no void resulting from Travis’ passing.  Rather there is a spark of energy—a fire—than will be passed on.

The passing of my cousin is hard on my dad.  They are close in age and grew up together.  They had a rocky childhood, but become close in their adult years.  My dad commented that he keeps thinking about “what could have been”.  I hope that I can steer him toward “what was”.  After all, they did have many good years of friendship and had a significant impact on one another.  In the end, we have to celebrate what we had and not focus on what we did not or would not have.

I cannot be sad over the passing of my dog.  Pete was with me for 16 years.  That is a very long life for a Labrador retriever.  He was a happy dog.  He did not suffer in the end (at least not that was in anyway visible).  He was a great dog.  He gave us 16 years of unconditional love.  For what more can I ask?  It is hard for my children, particularly my 9-year-old daughter, but I am encouraging them to celebrate Pete’s life.  They have never been without him in their lives.  They have known no time without Pete.  He has given them so much love, and, of course, there is a feeling of loss.  Greater though is the gain.

In death, we feel loss because someone has been taken away from us.  In our minds, they have been taken too early.  This thinking is selfish on our part.  We want to hold onto them for eternity—and we can.  We can hold on to the memories.  We can allow them to live through us.  We can carry on the mentorship, the friendship, the unconditional love.  Thus, our loss is indeed gain.

I am who I am because of the lives that have touched me—human or otherwise.  I lose nothing in their passing for what has not happened is not lost.  I have, however, gained more than I might ever comprehend.  I am blessed and have been blessed.  If only there were a better way to express this than “I am sorry for your loss”.

I am a big fan of Monty Python.  My younger sister will claim I was obnoxiously obsessed as a teenager.  (I really wasn’t that bad.)  Every so often an old sketch will come to mind.  The other day, a friend posted about a new Gerber knife on Facebook, and it prompted a memory of a favorite sketch: “Self-Defense Against Fresh Fruit”.

Surely, anyone who is culturally informed knows this sketch.  This is the one where the men are learning to defend themselves against all manner of fresh fruit, and one guy keeps asking “What about pointed sticks?”  Funny stuff.

How much time to we spend learning to defend ourselves against “fresh fruit”—that is, dwelling on the things that matter least?  Certainly, we cannot be harmed by “fresh fruit”—except maybe bananas.  Nonetheless, we worry.  We often worry incessantly about things that are least important in the great scheme of life.  “That which does not kill us (e.g. mangos in syrup) makes us stronger” (Friedrich Nietzsche—I added the mangos).  The “fresh fruit” with which we are attacked often presents an opportunity for growth.  It should be welcomed.

Worry costs us.  It is one of the four enemies of faith we learn from Jesus [fear (Matthew 8:26), doubt (Matthew 14:31), anxious care (Matthew 6:30), and human reasoning (Matthew 16:8)].  Worry prevents us from moving.  It prevents us from success.  It stymies us.  Yet, the things about which we worry are often just “fresh fruit” rather than pointed sticks.

We must focus on the things that matter.  We must focus our training—our growth plan—on “pointed sticks”.

Carpe momento!

“If You Ever Want to Retire, Start Doing These 9 Things Right Now”. That was the heading. The article to which it was linked gave some very basic financial advice—nothing that would guarantee retirement. So here is my list:

1. Focus on your education. (Don’t go to college just because someone tells you that is what you are supposed to do.)
2. Have a plan.
3. Get a job. Work. (Duh!)
4. Save.
5. Avoid unnecessary financial debt.
6. Live below your means.
7. Eat a healthy diet.
8. Exercise.
9. Don’t smoke!

Focus on your education.  I am a huge proponent of education.  I am a college professor, after all.  Despite depending on university students for my livelihood, I don’t believe everyone needs to go to college.  Personally, I think there are far too many young people going into deep debt because someone told them that they need to go to college.  Focus (as a nation) needs to be first on K-12 education—giving everyone who is capable the skills to function well in society.  Beyond high school, we need more people to join the trades and use their gifts to build and create.  University, then, should train young people to be innovators and creators.  College should not be to prepare one to get a job.  Better served is the college student who is prepared to make jobs.  University should produce thinkers.  It should be interdisciplinary and not structured to a single discipline that fails to develop the whole person and aid in creating the connections in our ever-progressing world.

Have a plan.  Too many students come to me their Junior and Senior years with the question: “What am I going to do with my degree?”  I try to encourage them to have a plan.  Plans can, of course, change.  (I went from Mining Engineering to Geology to Exercise Physiology.)  Indeed, we should be prepared for change.  Still, we need a plan.  In particular, we need a growth plan—that best prepares us for the inevitable change that will come in life.  We also need shorter-term plan for the future.  Financially, too, we need to consider the future.

Get a job. Work.  To retire, you must have something from which to retire.  One may not land his or her dream job right out of college.  Don’t sulk!  Work!  Be productive.  Do something.  Don’t complain.  Work.  Gain experience and maturity.  Don’t be afraid to do the work that is “beneath” you.  You might actually find something you love.

Save.  Saving for tomorrow seems to be a thing of the past.  We want things now.  Young people feel that they need to buy a new car and a house immediately upon graduation.  Have parents forgotten to teach their children that they had to work for years before they bought a home?  If we want to have money to retire, we must give up something today to have for tomorrow.

Avoid unnecessary financial debt.  Credit cards are for convenience.  Car loans (assuming one can easily make the payments) might be necessary.  Home loans are almost unavoidable but should be tailored to what we can comfortably afford—not what we must stretch ourselves thin to afford.  Pay cash or pay off credit cards monthly.  This seems so simple.

Live below your means.  I am getting a bit redundant with these last three, but I had to stretch my list to 9.

Eat a healthy diet.  And don’t believe that a healthy diet will cost you a fortune.  I once lived on a weekly food budget (you can ask my roommate at the time, ‘Johnny Mac’) of about $25 a week and was quite healthy.  It was nothing fancy and lacked variety, but it was healthy.  Shop wisely and don’t waste food money on junk.

Exercise.  How much do I need to say here??

Don’t smoke.  If you honestly want to live to retirement, don’t smoke.  Quit, if you presently smoke.  Smoking is, hands down, the most destructive thing one can do to one’s physical health.  There are no benefits.  Cigarettes cost a small fortune (not to mention the expense of cleaning and destruction to property, e.g., reduced resale value of automobiles, burns and odor in carpet and furniture, etc.).  Smoking is also connected to a plethora of health conditions.  And it stinks!!

So, this is my list.  No creative financial advice.  Seek such advice, if you want a more comfortable retirement.  But, first, you have to live to retirement and you must have money with which to retire.  Simple.

Carpe momento!

Wednesday night in Denver, I went out to sample one of my favorite breweries: Great Divide. (Yes, that is a plug—unpaid.  Always great tasting beers and extremely friendly employees.)  I went by myself, which is always awkward and inwardly pitiful, but I wanted to go and, mostly, was looking for a place to watch game two of the Stanley Cup Finals (Go, Pens!).  I thought I would try a couple beers that I had not tried and look for a place to eat and watch the game.  Instead, I struck up a conversation with the guy at the bar next to me.  Well, technically, he struck up the conversation, which is the real point of this story.

I am not one to initiate conversation—unless it is necessary and/or I know the person.  This is, perhaps, one trait from which I divert from my father significantly.  He can strike up conversations with anyone and, as a result has met countless interesting and sometimes famous people.  I don’t know if my reticence is shyness or self-isolation.  Either way, it causes me to miss out on opportunities to get to know people.

Jason, I believe was his name, it turns out had spent time in Grand Rapids, Michigan—near Holland, MI, where my wife and I lived for four years—about the time I was there.  In fact, we went to the same church for some of that time.  So, the conversation quickly evolved from “Have you had Great Divide before?” to beer in western Michigan and Oregon, churches, and the famous Hope-Calvin college rivalry.

It is amazing the commonalities we will find that we have with the person next to us if we simply speak.  I admit I don’t take advantage of the opportunity.  Thankfully, some people do.

The Social dimension of “well-centered fitness” is the pinnacle dimension.  It develops and strengthens itself on the basis of the other dimensions (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, and Emotional).  In turn, it is critical to the growth of the keystone dimension, the Emotional dimension.  It is important that we make the effort to grow Socially.

I always find it sad when I see students lining the hallways of the University staring at their smartphones and missing the opportunity beside them; or the table at a restaurant with a group of people engaged with their phones and not the people around them.  While I try not to hide behind my phone, I do fail to take the next step to engage.  Somehow, I need to overcome this and seize the opportunity to talk beer, faith, and rivalries.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

Nobody likes to be delayed.  I am a person who believes ten minutes early is one time, so I really don’t like delays.  Delays are frustrating, but they are inevitable.  Sometimes they are annoying.  Sometimes they are unexplainable blessings.

I flew into Denver, Tuesday night, for a conference.  The plane was surprisingly early—25 minutes or so early.  Great, right?  Well, then, we spent 45 minutes waiting to get into our gate.  Apparently, there had been a medical emergency on the plane in front of us, and we had to wait for the emergency personnel to clear the area.  So, now we were 10 minutes or so late arriving.  Not a big deal.  Overall, the passengers seemed extremely patient.  I had nowhere pressing to be and an aisle seat in the emergency row—with no one beside me.  I was relaxed.

The excitement of being early soon passed, but it was not so bad.  And no one was seemingly late for a connection or anything.  I spoke to a student from Australia on my walk to the hotel who was delayed repeatedly on his trip—he had been up and travelling for 35 hours.  He showed no signs of complaining.

While it seemed like we were delayed, we actually arrived to the gate pretty close to on-time.  So, no reason for complaint.  Our lives were scarcely affected (though I failed to engage in conversation with the passengers around me—opportunity missed!).

There have been times that delay has been life-saving.  There are more than a few times that I can account delays for keeping me safe.  One most prominent in my head was a time when a brief delay prevented me from broadsiding a truck and likely being severely injured.  I was driving near Buffalo, NY with a friend.  The dome light was out in my little Mitsubishi Mirage, so we slowed to use the street light.  A truck passed us—legally and going the speed limit.  At the next intersection, a group of teenagers in a pickup truck ran the stop sign, and the truck in front of us hit them broadside.  The impact was great enough to send the pickup up in the air for us to see the underside as it impacted a tree.  The driver and passenger of the car in front of us were shaken and angry, but unhurt.  Had it been my Mirage, we might likely have been severely injured and, possibly, killed.  I counted myself blessed in that moment.  One of the teenagers was not so fortunate.  It remains a sad day in my heart—one that has the lingering question: “Why were the circumstances what they were?”

Perhaps the delays (and times that we are early) are opportunities in disguise.  Perhaps rather than causing us to complain, we should look for the blessing contained in the delay.  Let’s find the reason to be grateful

Much has seemed delayed in my life, and I would have it no other way.  I met my wife when I was 40.  We had my son when I was 43 and my daughter when I was 45.  If these occurred at any other time on my timeline, life would certainly be different—for them, as well as me.

I trust my timeline.  I trust the path I am on.  I just need to learn to be grateful and receive the opportunity that a delay might bring.

Carpe momento!