Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

“I never won anything by myself. I was always strong because of help that gave me extra strength to win.”—Dan Gable

Yesterday, I commented on the roles of technique (knowledge), conditioning (practice), and heart (desire) in success—in wrestling, football, …, and life.  These have one necessity in common—TEAM.  We don’t make it in sports or life alone.  Dan Gable is one of the most successful (if not the most successful) names in wrestling.  With all his successes, has the humility to know that he never won anything by himself.  In our pursuit of success, we need help.  We need the help of family, teammates, coaches, teachers, coworkers, etc. to give us that extra _____ that we need to succeed.

This is most evident in team sports.  In football, for example, 10 guys can execute perfectly, but that one guy who flubs his responsibility can cost the play.  Wrestling is an “individual” sport, however, no one makes it to the top of the podium without support.

I have friends who are going through struggles.  We are all that “friend” at some time or another.  They can’t go through it alone.  We can’t go through it alone.

When people reach out, we tend to be one of three people: 1) the fixer, 2) the naysayer, or 3) the champion.  We only need one—the champion.  We need to be the supporter—the encourager.  We need to be the teammate.

We may have expertise in the area and, thus, try to jump in an offer help (fix).  (I can be guilty of this.)  This is fine when done through the role of champion.  It is not fine from the position of the stands.  There is always some spectator who knows more than the coaches or the players.  No one needs these people!!

The naysayers are equally destructive.  These are the people who are either failures themselves or “successful” people who fear the challenge of competition.  Lend no ear to the naysayers.  (Perhaps this is why so many of the great wrestlers have developed cauliflower ear—from pushing out the sound of negativity and the voices of those who might deny them success?)

Be a champion for others.  Support them in their endeavors.

Great coaches don’t fix or negate the efforts of their athletes.  The great coaches teach, push, and encourage their athletes.

Great teammates don’t fix or negate the efforts of their teammates.  Great teammates help correct technique, give 100%, and cheer for their teammates.  Great teammates know that they only get better when everyone gets better.

I think of the veteran players in football (or any sport).  These athletes are competitive.  They are where they are because they are among the best of the best.  Every season, there are rookies nipping at their heels.  Eventually, they will yield their position as a starter to another and/or retire.  No great athlete wants to be #2.  The veterans push to keep their position, but they also push their backup.  Why?  Because it is a team effort.  Should the veteran get injured, the backup better be prepared to step up.  The veteran knows this.  The rookie (if he is going to be successful) knows this.  One-hundred percent 100% of the time is what makes everyone better.  (The Steelers’ James Harrison comes to mind when I consider this.)

We need people in our lives to coach and support us.  Sometimes these are hard to find.  We need to keep looking—from both sides.  He need to ask for help and support.  We also need to offer to champion others in their pursuits.  I recently shared these words from the legendary coach, Vince Lombardi: “Individual commitment to a group effort–that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”  How true this is!

Be your best today; be better tomorrow—and help others to do the same!

Carpe momento!

Image source: https://i1.wp.com/www.feelingsuccess.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/dan-gable-quotes.jpg?fit=513%2C376&ssl=1

“The 1st period is won by the best technician. The 2nd period is won by the kid in the best shape. The 3rd period is won by the kid with the biggest heart.”—Dan Gable

Brace yourself.  I am going on a Dan Gable kick.  If you don’t know who Dan Gable is (are you kidding me??!!) he is the standard to which all wrestlers aspire.  He epitomizes hard work and determination.  He is also a model for coaches.  I met Dan Gable once at a golf outing to raise money for the wrestling program at Eastern Michigan University.  Coach Gable was the keynote speaker.  He made rounds to every foursome on the course and introduced himself personally.  Now, I am not one to be impressed by celebrities, but meeting Dan Gable was special.  Why? Because he is Dan Gable!  Moreover, it was his presence.  He actually asked me who I was—not just my name, but what I did, etc.  He made conversation.  He didn’t just do the obligatory smile and handshake.  Dan Gable was/is the real deal.  It is no surprise that he has had the success he has had on and off the mat and continues to inspire legions of wrestlers and others.  It is also no surprise that his words often come to mind when I am looking to be inspired or inspire others.

The other day at youth football practice was no different.  The boys had a lackluster practice, and the coaches were delivering their post-practice inspirational speeches.  (I love my son’s coaches—across the sports—for their abilities to inspire my son toward success in life, as well as in sports.)  This particular practice, I could hear echoes of the above Dan Gable quote (one of my favorites) in their words—and no surprise since all of the coaches have a wrestling background.

In life, as in wrestling, there are three major contributors to success: 1) knowledge, 2) practice, and 3) desire.   We have to have all three to succeed.

The wrestling match is three periods.  Three exhausting periods.  What Gable is saying here has implication for all efforts in life, because all of life requires the same three periods (stages).

The first period is getting started.  No one can be successful without the basic knowledge of what to do.  In life, this is education.  In sport, even the most athletic will need to learn the rules, the plays, the skill, etc. of the sport.  A fast kid with great hands will be a lousy wide receiver, if he doesn’t know the pass routes.

My son has a close friend on the team for whom this is his first year playing football.  He is coming into seventh grade football with very little knowledge of the physical aspects of the game.  He asks questions, though.  He pays attention.  He is learning.  He taking care of the first period.

The second period is where fatigue starts to set in.  When I wrestled, I was not the greatest technician, and, as I have mentioned before, I was “a wrestler trapped in a basketball player’s body”; but, boy, was I well-conditioned.  Coach Kling saw to that.  I knew that the longer I survived (i.e., didn’t get pinned) the greater my chances were of winning.  I could outlast most endurance-wise.

In life, sometimes the more hardship we experience, the better conditioned we are to face adversity and challenges as they come.  In life and sport, the more we give 100% effort, the more prepared we are for what is to come.  “Be your best today; be better tomorrow” is the second period.

The third period is heart.  Heart is a certain intangible quality that one either has or one has not.  I can’t say from where heart comes, but I know it when I see it.  Some seem to come by it naturally (but, I suspect, they probably learned it somewhere along the way).  Others, the least successful among us (and I don’t equate success here with money, stature, position, or celebrity), lack heart.  These don’t have the willingness to push though even the slightest pain, adversity, and/or trial (“P.A.T.”, my son’s coach told the boys, “is your friend”).  Heart always wins.  Heart wins because the one with heart strives to learn more than the next, to condition more than the next, and, when the chips are down, will push harder than the next.

How bad do you want the desires of your heart?  Until, you are willing to go the distance and pursue harder than the competition, greater success will always go to the one who wants it more.

Carpe momento!

“There’s nothing like success.”—Dan Gable

Mateus: Hey man, I just want to say sorry about what I said at practice.

Rudy: Don’t be sorry.

Mateus: Do you understand that if you don’t cool it out there you’re going to get yourself killed?

Rudy: If I cool it out there, then I won’t be helping you guys win next week’s game. Got it?

This is one of my favorite exchanges from the movie Rudy.  In the previous scene, Mateus took it easy on Rudy after he thought he might hurt him.  Rudy responded: “What are you doing?  I’m playing defense for Purdue!”  I thought of this during my son’s football practice when the coaches were encouraging the boys to go 100% for all of practice.  The boys were reminded how they are cheating their teammates when they don’t.  I want my son (and his teammates) to learn this.  It is one of the most important lessons our children can take home from sports.  It is an example that I want to practice daily in my own life.

I wholeheartedly believe in the motto: Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  Anything less is cheating at life.

I challenge each of us to pick just one thing to do better today than we did yesterday.  If we are honest with ourselves, I am certain we could come up with an expansive list, but baby steps.  If we just pick one thing at a time and start to consistently do this one thing better, we will very quickly begin to better ourselves and those around us.

We must push ourselves and not be afraid to push those around us.  I hope this for my son in football (as well as wrestling and lacrosse), but also in school and in everything he does.  If we have the attitude of always doing our best, we will continue to improve and improve those around us.  We will undoubtedly fall short quite often, but it is the attitude of self-improvement that is most important.  Some might say “fake it ‘til you make it”.  Believe you can and you will.  If you are not the best (and most of us will never be “the best”), we, nonetheless, owe our best to others.

Carpe momento!

“Individual commitment to a group effort–that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”—Vince Lombardi

Image source: Rudy

“Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.  Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.”—Proverbs 26:4-5, NIV

I often turn to the Proverbs for wisdom.  Their utility is not to be underestimated even in these modern times.

Proverbs 26:4-5 comes to mind often—too often, in fact.  While the verses seem contradictory, they are actually quite on point.  If I hadn’t learned it earlier in life, social media has certainly made these verses clear.  There are a lot of fools out there.  (Neither I nor my Facebook friends are included, of course!  *humor*)  These Proverbs tell us there are two types of fools.  There are those who need to be called out, and there are those who need to be ignored.  Wisdom and experience tells us which are which.  Personally, I wish I was more discerning.

I have been compelled lately to write about the disunity and dysfunction that is escalating in our communities.  Some of which calls for a bit of Proverbs 26:4 and some of which calls for a bit of Proverbs 26:5.

I am coming to learn that author of Proverbs led with “do not answer a fool” for good reason.  I find that, in most cases, when I answer a “fool” on social media, I get sucked into to a vortex of fools from which escape is futile.  These are the fools who are so grounded in their irrationality that there is no wisdom that can change them.

There are times, however, when each of us acts the fool (call it “ignorance”).  In such times, it is helpful for us to be answered accordingly.  We can call these “teachable moments”.  And, please, when you catch me in such moments of unawareness, call me on it.

We are seeing the most opinionated and least rational of voices being the most outspoken in our communities.  It is tempting to want to put a sock in it (or perhaps a fist), but these are the Proverb 26:4 fools.  As tempting as violence is, violence only begets more violence.  The best way to deal with these (oh, so many words that I might want to insert here) is to isolate them and ignore them.  They are fewer than we think.  And, if a tree falls in the forest ant there is no one there to listen, does it make a sound??

The rifts in our society are not going to come together by amplifying the babble of fools.  Unity will start from the rational in the middle who seek reasonable solutions.  (Notice, I do not say “compromise”.  While there may be times for compromise, compromise rarely results in growth.)  “Reasonable solutions” require someone to change—to grow.  This is what we mean by the “advancement” of society.  When we recognize our folly, and respond reasonably and with the best interests of all in mind, society changes for the better.

I would argue that the solutions to our world problems are Spiritual.  “Spiritual” in the truest sense.  Spiritual, remember, greater than religious.  While faith can have—and should have—a powerful voice in solving our societal problems, we must be open to the fact that our theology is often limited to smaller worldview.  “Open-minded” should not be threatening.  Open-minded simply means that we are willing to let our worldview be challenged and expanded—where necessary.

The walls that we create, need not be permanent.  As Abraham Lincoln, so aptly stated, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

Carpe momento!

A friend posted the questions: “What is your dream vacation?  Have you been yet?”  The question gave me pause.  I suppose a dream vacation might be to visit Scotland—what I consider to be the land of my ancestry.  As I considered the question, it immediately occurred to me that I don’t like vacations—or at least planning vacations (I leave this to my wife).  Now, I like to travel.  That is, I like purposeful travel—e.g., visiting family, conferences, etc.  I struggle with wanting to take a break from doing.

As I pondered my reluctance to vacation, I considered why this is.  I don’t always enjoy where I am working.  So, it is not that I don’t want to break from my work.  I don’t always like where I am living.  So, it isn’t that I don’t want to go somewhere else.  I think, in part, I just like doing.

To me, ‘vacation’ is a distraction from the here and now.  Thus, I struggle to plan vacations, because they remind me that I want to be somewhere other than where I am.  On some level, it is that struggle between “I have to” and “I get to”.

There are positives to both sides of my relationship with vacation.  (No need to dwell on negatives.)  On one hand, I love doing what I am doing and want to be productive—and, hopefully, I am.  One should enjoy what they do.  I have the same struggle with considering retirement.  After all, why would I want to stop doing the things that I am doing, if they are doing good and I enjoy them?  On the other hand, not focusing ahead to a distant vacation keeps me centered on the here-and-now.  Carpe momento, right?

I prefer spontaneity.  Let’s hop in the car and drive.  (I once planned a trip from Long Island to Maryland to visit my oldest sister.  This was before most anyone had cell phones, and I had neither firmed up my plans nor received directions to my sister’s.  So, I made a decision that, if I couldn’t contact my sister by the Pennsylvania Turnpike, I would head west and to West Virginia to surprise my middle sister.  Thus, I made a surprise 13-hour drive to Hurricane, WV.  I don’t think my sister has ever recovered from the shock.)  This is the way I like to roll.  I also like to just go to the movie theater and see a movie—I don’t need to see what is playing or what the show times are.

Our significant others should complement us.  Mine certainly does.  My wife, Pam, is the planner.  I would probably go nowhere different were it not for her.  I tease here about her spreadsheets.  Going to the movies?  Me: What time?  Her: “Such and such gets four stars.  This other movie gets four and a half.  This movie is 98 minutes….” (Get the gist?)  We recently went on a 15-day vacation to the east coast—seven states (we drove through NJ) and the District of Columbia.  Thank God, my wife is a planner.  (True, we had conflict here and there, but….)  It was a great time.  I might also add that I did no work for the 15 days!  I even scheduled my blogs 18 days in advance—because I couldn’t leave that undone, could I?

So, what am I saying here?  (Besides I might need therapy?)  I think there is a few thoughts:

1. Work when you work and play when you play.
2. Don’t stress over the future and don’t stress over the present.
3. Stretch yourself. If you are not a planner, plan something.  If you are not spontaneous, do something spontaneous.
4. Love what you do for a living, but don’t live what you do for a living.
5. Have gratitude for those who complement you (and take time to compliment them).

Carpe momento, but don’t miss the bigger picture.

Image: Gilnockie Tower, an Clan Armstrong castle

Two words have been in the news almost constantly lately: “protest” and “counter-protest”.  Now, I am not against people having a voice—it is called “dialog”.  I am opposed to people yelling over each other.

I am not even concerned about the subject of the protests and counter-protests.  (Let me rephrase that– The issues at the heart of the protests concern me—in some cases, more or less—but the particulars of the protest/counter-protests are not of the matter for discussion in this post.)  What concerns me is that we are not talking about issues.  We are not having intelligent discourse.  We are witnessing incoherent emotional rants and destructive rather than constructive behavior.  Nothing productive is coming from all of this noise.

I just read an article in the NY Times, titled: “Why I Refuse to Avoid White People” by Chloé Valdary (August 22, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/22/opinion/avoiding-white-people-charlottesville-racism.html).  Now, the subject was racism, but it could have been any of the divisive topics de jour.  Ms. Valdary makes a beautiful statement:

“I was taught that if someone white makes assumptions about me or my people, the proper response is not to go around making assumptions about them. That creates a downward spiral into hatred fueled by ignorance. The proper response to prejudice is not to treat our close-minded neighbors as though they weren’t human; that is how they have treated us. It is precisely because I love myself that I refuse to hate another.”

Now this could be applied to any argument where “assumptions”, “ignorance”, “close-minded”, and “hate” preside.  At the center of the statement (almost literally) is the key: “That creates a downward spiral into hatred fueled by ignorance.”  We are in that downward spiral, folks.  It needs to stop!  The only way to stop it is to ignore the voices of the irrational extremes. (This is the United States of America where the freedom of speech is supported, after all.  So, they have the right to speak, but we, likewise, have the freedom to not listen.)  Ignore the ranting, but welcome our neighbors to the table.  Seek unity, not discord.

I trust that, when the voices of reason are heard, we can come to the solutions to the challenges we are facing—solutions, not merely compromises.  This is America, after all.  The melting pot.  The nation that is (should be) the leader in the progress of freedom and liberty.  Please, let’s keep the “united” in the United States of America.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

Image source: LA Times

“The battles that count aren’t the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself – the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us – that’s where it’s at.”—Jesse Owens

I saw the above meme on Facebook.  I get the point that life can be an ongoing struggle, and, just when we think we have seen the peak, we see that the climb continues.  My friend, Andy Lausier (head wrestling coach at Davidson Davidson College), would view this as “have to” v. “get to” (for inspiration check out https://www.facebook.com/fromhavetoget/).

This is, indeed, life.  However, we choose whether to see it as an ongoing struggle or as an opportunity.  Life, no matter how we look at it, is a stimulus for progressive growth.

That “peak” in the meme?  When we reach it, we have a choice: we can respond with “Oh, crap!”, like in the meme, or we can breathe a sigh of relief, welcome the momentary break, and continue.

There will be times when what appeared to be a peak (or at least a brief leveling off) turns out to be an illusion.  These are the times when we have to push forward.  Take a break, if we must, to rest and to contemplate how far we have come, but never quit.  Trust in your path.  Moreover, trust in your ability to keep going and to complete your journey.

Welcome the moments of relief.  Take time to look back at how far you have come.  Don’t worry how far you have to go.  Just breathe and take the next step in the climb.

Carpe momento!

Image source: https://www.facebook.com/FreebieAl

We often say “well, I don’t see color” when we discuss race, ethnicity, gender, etc.  I know the intent is the desire to show that we consider all people equal, and I understand that.  In a recent conversation with my wife, however, it occurred to me that I would prefer to say that “I do see color.”  Now, before you start thinking I am an evil person, please, hear me out.

First, let me be clear that I don’t do this (or anything) perfectly.  I struggle with prejudices just like everyone.  (Yes.  Everyone.  If you believe you have no prejudices, denial ain’t a river in Egypt.)  We all struggle to understand the unfamiliar.  That is okay.  That is a challenge of being human.

So, what do I mean when I say, “I see color”?  I mean just that.  I see you for who you are.  I don’t like the labels of color—black, brown, yellow, red, white, etc.  For one thing, not one of us are any of these colors.  The colors of the human race run a broad spectrum of pigmentation.  So, to label someone black or white or… is erroneous.  So, true, I don’t see color as a label.  (I honestly, have a difficult time describing someone on the basis of one’s skin color.)  But color—more, specifically, race/ethinicity is a part of who we are.  Why should it not be celebrated?

When I say “I see color”, I mean that I see the person as an individual and welcome the unique experiences and understanding that they bring to the table.  In saying this, my intent is to express the value I find in others being different than me.  Vive la difference.

We should embrace our differences.  What child only wants one Crayon? 

When we see our neighbor, we should feel uninhibited by his or her color, race, ethnicity, gender, body type, education, socioeconomic status,….  To deny them this is to disrespect them as an individual.

When we “see color”, however, it is necessary that we don’t see a label.  It is crucial that we don’t make assumptions.  We must see our neighbor as equal but different.  (Please, do not read this as “separate but equal”.  I find this phrase repulsive!)  Humankind is not painted with broad strokes.  We are much more like the impressionist painting of Monet and others—with each stroke making its own unique contribution to the whole.

I have a lot to learn from people who experience the world from a different perspective than me.  I am also of the belief that just because someone looks a particular way that he or she does not share the same experience and worldview of someone/everyone who looks similar to them.  So, yes, I see color, race, ethnicity, gender, etc. as something special—something to share.

Carpe momento!

Image: Blue Man Group                                                                   (http://ghk.h-cdn.co/assets/15/46/1600×800/landscape-1447174925-blue-man-group-2-1.jpg)

“Society is unity in diversity.”—George H. Meade

I have a problem with “diversity”—well, not diversity in itself, but diversity as a means of labeling.  I work in a university setting, so I am well aware of the seemingly endless committee work to define “diversity”.  (Now, lest anyone judge me as some evil person, let me be clear.  I welcome diversity.)

When we attempt to define diversity in committee, we immediately begin to deny diversity as a construct.  Such an approach divides rather than unifies.  It categorizes and labels.  The more we attempt to define people as members of groups, the more divided we become.  Granted, such labeling may be “necessary” for quantification of society—i.e., demographics.  But other than for statistical analyses, what good does it serve?

Franklin Delano Roosevelt made a statement nearly three-quarters of a century ago that remains relevant to our nation today.  He said: “The point in history at which we stand is full of promise and danger. The world will either move forward toward unity and widely shared prosperity – or it will move apart.”

We are as much each alike as we are different, and we are as much each different as we are alike.  This is true diversity.  It will be when we recognize this as a nation that we will at last stand united.

When you or I label someone according to one’s skin color, religion, ethnicity, gender, political views, etc., we rob one of his or her uniqueness and individual contribution.  We stifle creativity and… well, diversity.

It may be a harsh comparison (but I will make it here), but when I consider the efforts to label diversity, I think of Jim Crow laws–i.e., the notion of “separate but equal”.  It was wrong to segregate then, and it is just as wrong today.  This, however, is just what is happening today—only it is not a legislative mandate.

We allow ourselves to be categorized and, thereby, relinquish our voice.  We allow labels to define us rather than express our unique and (extra)ordinary self.  Those who claim to speak for the marginalized (even though their intentions might be good), consequently, further limit the opportunities for those they purport to help.  They do so by constructing walls that don’t exist.  Likewise, those who prefer to keep others sidelined also construct barriers that don’t exist.

Our best hope is when we realize that everyone has a unique and necessary Purpose and contribution to make—and provide the means and opportunity to realize their Purpose.  We will be our best as a society (and nation) when we see diversity as a good and vital thing—when we unite in diversity.

Carpe momento!

“Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.”—Mattie Stephanek

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”—Viktor Frankl

I admit it.  I struggle with space—that space between the stimulus and the response.  Stephen Covey wrote about it.  Viktor Frankl presents it most eloquently.  There is always space.  Our challenge is to expand it.  Our challenge is to use it wisely.  Our challenge is to use our power to change the world.

Can the world be changed in a mere fraction of a second?  Carpe momento!  Of course, it can.  It is a matter of a split second—a decision.  It is a matter of choice.  The choice to be positive and creative.  The choice to be negative and destructive.  How we choose will have a lasting impact on the Universe.

Choose well!