Author: armstrong.wou@gmail.com

Years ago, when our children we small, we attended a church in Grand Rapids, Michigan that had a rather unique twist on the traditional dedication ceremony.  We wrote the following as a covenant with our children.  I was revisiting this as stocking stuffers for my daughter and son.  I believe a covenant is not something to be taken lightly or to be a one-and-done.  Such things should be renewed regularly, in thought and commitment.  I cannot think of a better way to reaffirm the commitment my wife and I have to our children than to share it publicly and ask to be held accountable.

My Child,

There three commitments which are most important in one’s life.  These are one’s commitment to God, a man and woman’s commitment to each other in marriage, and the commitment of parents to their child.  Today, we reaffirm all of these in covenant with you.

It is our desire that you will be a man/woman of Godly character and integrity.  To this end, we covenant with you, today, to teach you about God and Christ, our Savior.  We will not be Christians in name only.  Rather, we will strive in all aspects to live as Disciples of Christ.  We will, albeit not perfectly, model Christ’s teachings in all that we do.  We will teach you to love God, to love your neighbor, and to love yourself.  We will teach you to be respectful of others and to appreciate the diversity of life.

We are committed to one another in the marriage covenant.  Love takes effort and we are committed to keeping our love alive.  In so doing, we promise to model a Christ-centered marriage to you.  Each one of us contains the whole, the infinite, and each one of us is good and beautiful in our Divine individuality. What makes us who we are, in our core, is unique. The infinity knot depicted in our wedding bands represents the individual in all his or her wholeness, with an element of complexity, welcoming the powerful thread of another, into the core. It symbolizes the integration of two while maintaining individual identity and purpose.  With your birth, you, too, became interwoven into this fabric.  As family, we are committed to one another, united in an unbreakable bond.  Family cannot function successfully without God.  God is love.  Therefore, we promise to love you unconditionally and provide you with a safe, encouraging, and empowering environment.

God has created you for his unique Purpose.  We commit to helping you find this Purpose and support you in it whatever it may be.  We will encourage you and support you with the means God provides us.  Know that you can never disappoint us as long as you live your life for others.

Parenting is an awesome responsibility.  We do not take lightly the role we are given as parents.  With God’s grace and help, we will prepare you for your Purpose.  We are subject to the will of God and know that you are on loan to us.  May you be an instrument in his marvelous work.

We love you and take great pleasure in watching you grow.  We look forward to seeing the man/woman you are to become.

As a parent, I already see the impact I am having on my children.  I am revealed in their genes, as well as in their personalities.  I already worry about the extent to which I am “messing them up”.  When faults or challenges reveal themselves, I ask myself: “Did I do that?”  I worry about doing more damage than good, but, in the end, I have to trust that I am doing the best that I can and that they are on the path to becoming who they are supposed to be.

We screw up from time to time, as parents.  Every parent has and will.  Likewise, we will somehow manage to have a positive influence from time to time.  Every well-meaning parent struggles with self-assessment and thinks he/she is failing as a parent.

We are the product of our parents, grandparents, and everyone who crosses our path.  So, if you question your path, the question can be asked: “How many generations would you have to go back to ‘fix’ yourself?”

It is a tempting proposition.  It is easy to say “If only I….”  An extension of this, then, would be to say, “If only my father/mother….” or “if only my grandparents….”  Because, certainly, if our parents or grandparents or great-grandparents were better off or made “better” decisions we would be in a better place, right?  Wishful thinking.  The reality is: we are who we are because of those who brought us into the world and all who have affected us to date.  To go back and “fix” yourself would mean you would cease to be you.

I am fascinated by the interconnectedness of all that exists.  I find the propositions of “collective consciousness” and “epigenetics” intriguing.  I believe that at the very foundation of our existence the Spiritual and the Physical are inseparable.  Thus, I believe that all of existence has brought me to where I am today.  I believe that life is not without Purpose and we are precisely where we are supposed to be on our path.  Thus, I believe that changing anything of my past and ancestral path will cause the “me” who exists today to no longer exist.

We can’t “fix” ourselves by going backward.  We can only fix ourselves (if, indeed, we need “fixing”) by going forward.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.  (Nowhere is that statement is there any suggestion that we change yesterday.)

Carpe momento!

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”—Zig Ziglar

Christmas is called a time of giving, but, if we are honest, it is more a time of wanting.  Think about it.  Have you ever asked anyone what they were giving for Christmas?  Of course, not.  We likely ask people what they want for Christmas.  This is okay, I suppose—especially if we intend to give them what they want or need.  Unfortunately, though, we tend to gravitate toward an attitude of wanting rather than of giving.  We make our lists—maybe you still write to Santa or ask him in “person”.  We think about the things we want rather than appreciating the things we have.  This often leave gratitude in the shadows.

We end November with a day of “Thanksgiving” only to turn around and make the Friday after—“Black Friday”—the biggest shopping day of the year.  We express our gratitude only to quickly turn to thoughts of wish lists and resolutions.  December becomes a stressful month of fighting crowds and spending money.  Gratitude seems to have a short shelf life.

Giving is wonderful—if it is done with gratitude instead of obligation.  There is joy in having the opportunity to give—in having the ability to give.  There is joy in having someone to whom to give.

For me, the greatest joy in giving is to be able to give the unexpected gift that is just what the person wanted but didn’t ask for.  I don’t enjoy giving someone what they asked for.  There is no thrill of surprise.

I appreciate the gifts that come from the heart.  They might not always be what I wanted, but knowing that someone put thought into trying to buy me what they thought I would like is heart-warming.  It may not have immediate meaning to me, but I know that it has some deep significance for the giver.  Even so-called “gag gifts” can have intention, if we take the time and the gratitude to consider it.

There is very little I want this season.  Nonetheless, I know that my wife and kids will surprise me with more than one unexpected gift.  I am grateful that I can give to them gifts.  I am grateful that they are with me to receive the gifts.

My wife and I have made a deal.  We aren’t to buy lavish gifts for each other.  Instead, we write a letter to the other.  These come from the heart and always mean more than anything we can buy.   We have agreed just to buy stocking stuffers.  Of course, the stockings will be overfull, as we always bend the rules a bit.  Personally, I have more fun bending the rules and trying pack her stocking with many thoughtful items.

If giving is a chore, we need to reconsider our motivations.  We must give out of gratitude, not obligation.

Most importantly this season, we must receive with gratitude.  Rather than looking for a gift receipt and rushing out to take advantage of after-Christmas sales, perhaps we can take just a moment with each gift to consider the thought that went into the giving.

We say: “it is better to give than receive.”  Perhaps.  Maybe, though, we can consider that both have equal weight when partnered with gratitude?

As we wrap our final gifts and prepare to leave them under the tree, let us take pause and consider that we are blessed to both give and receive.  Moreover, let us be more grateful for the opportunity to be present than for receiving presents.

Blessings!

Carpe momento!

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of advertisements for knee wraps.  They come in a lot of styles and colors, and they can look cool—to some—in the gym, but….  At least one brand claims that theirs “improves stability and flexibility.”  There are times to wear wraps, as I will explain, but the circumstances in which most of these ads demonstrate their use are not such a time.  First, I must say I am confused by the claim that they improve stability and flexibility, as these are contrary to one another.  Stability requires minimum movement, whereas flexibility and mobility seek to increase movement.

Knee wraps are intended to stabilize the knee—particularly medially and laterally.  These also serve to stabilize the patellar tendon/ligament.  Unless an injury (or risk of injury) demands it, knee wraps are unnecessary.  It is the role of the surrounding muscles, tendons, and ligaments to maintain mobility and stability of the knee.  Unless one has a current injury or is lifting near-maximal weights, wraps may actually limit the strengthening of the knee structures.

Most frequently, I see advertisements demonstrating knee wraps during exercises like the goblet squat.  (I have even seen them used during body weight squats, AKA “air squats”!)  If you are not familiar with goblets squats, these are squats performed holding a dumbbell at the chest.  Rarely are the dumbbells being used of significant weight—usually a 25-35 lb dumbbell.  This is a far cry from the 500+ lb back squats that can put the knees at risk.

If the knee is of concern, start by strengthening the hip.  It is the hip, after all, not the muscles acting on the knee, that protect the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL).  The ACL is most commonly injured when the knee is hyperextended and forced inward (valgum).  This can occur with contact or noncontact (e.g., when cutting or pivoting).  Otherwise, proper form and appropriate intensity (i.e., weight or resistance) assures the protection of the knee joint.

Using knee wraps for any exercise less than near maximal is therefore of little benefit.  These can slow progress as the muscle growth, as they tend to assist in extending the knee (a benefit for powerlifters and Olympic lifters; not so great for the fitness trainer).

When it comes to gear—e.g., wraps, belts, and compression clothing—leave these for the serious lifters pushing big weights.  If the knees are “weak” work the hips and train the knee hinge through a full range of motion using safe weights—and progress appropriately.

Be your best today; and be better tomorrow.
Carpe momento!

“Sometimes you need to get hit in the head to realize that you’re in a fight.”—Michael Jordan

Setting goals is about knowing what you want.  Specifically, it is about knowing what you need.  Most importantly, goal setting is about acknowledging our imperfections.

Even when we are our best, we can get better.  Moreover, we must get better.  We set goals for the purpose of advancing.

In teaching my son about setting goals, we had to acknowledge that he is going to fail—if, of course, he tries.  We talked about how this is okay.  Indeed, it is necessary.  The question I am teaching him to ask (and trying to practice myself) is: “Did I do my best?”  Hopefully, the answer is “yes”, but we know that often it will be “no”.  If “no”, then we must ask “why not?”  When the answer is “yes”, we still have to ask “what can I do to be better tomorrow?”  Even in success (or victory), we can look for ways to improve.

When we do fall short, we must not beat ourselves up.  The worst thing we can do is let failure metastasize.  Instead, we need to let failure fuel our future success.  We can use our mistakes and losses to expose our weaknesses and train these up.  Sadly. We too often focus on what we didn’t do instead of focusing on what we can do.

Today is a new day.  Whatever you are beating yourself up over from yesterday, forget about it.  Set a challenge for yourself to get better today.

Make goal setting a part of your daily growth routine.  Be specific.  Challenge yourself.  Risk failing until you get it right, then fail at something new.  Growth doesn’t come from doing what we do well.  Growth comes from struggling to do, today, what we couldn’t do yesterday, so we are better tomorrow.  One’s 100%, today, might only be 99.8% tomorrow, but that is progress.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

There is a saying in wrestling that “there are only winners and learners”.  The same, perhaps, can be said in the field of sales.  Indeed, in all areas of life, we make a decision to learn from our losses—our setbacks.  We are not always going to win.  In sales, one learns very early that the loss column fills up much faster than the win column.  This may or not be the case in sport.

Whether it is a loss or a lesson is a matter of attitude (gratitude).  When defeated, we have to explore the question of “what have I learned?”.  If we refuse to ask the question, then we have truly lost.

The first question we must always ask ourselves is: “Did I do my best?”  If we can say “yes” (and, hopefully, we can), then it is a matter of working on the things that we can do better.  If the answer is “no”, then we need a bit of an attitude adjustment on top of working on the things we need to do to get better.  Unfortunately, when we don’t give our best effort or fail to execute what we have practiced, we don’t know how to get better.  We have failed to identify the areas for improvement.

Progression or growth require that we exceed our previous efforts.  Training (for sport, sales, etc.) allows us the opportunity to make mistakes trying new things without consequence.  Success, however, requires that we take our training into competition.  The idea of “100% effort one-hundred percent of the time” applies in training/practice, as well as in execution.  Failure to give 100% effort at any time is not doing one’s best.

It can be over-whelming in our many roles to be giving our all at all times.  The key to remember that we are not serving in every capacity simultaneously.  We balance our roles and maximize our efforts in each.   This the opportunity of living a well-centered life.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

“There will be many challenges ahead, and I’m looking forward to them.”—Cael Sanderson

2017 had its challenges.  Certainly, so will 2018.  The question for us is, “How will we face these?”

I love Cael Sanderson’s attitude toward challenges.  I have learned to call these “opportunities”.  Challenges—or opportunities—can be for our benefit.  They are for our growth.

As Nietzsche put it: “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.”  Of course, we don’t want to suffer.  Unfortunately, to some degree or an another, we will.  In the end, it is what we make of our opportunities.

As the new year approaches, let’s look forward to the opportunities and the growth these will bring.  It is all a matter of attitude—or, perhaps, gratitude. 

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

I admit.  I probably don’t drink enough water.  I will usually drink 3-4 cups (24-32 oz) of coffee and a pint (16 oz) of beer a day.  I struggle to drink enough water.  I will generally have about 32 oz of water during a workout.  In total, this is about 80 oz of fluids (and much of this is naturally diuretic).  This is above the recommendation of eight 8-oz glasses of water a day (64 oz), and, on most days I do have an additional 32 oz of water (meeting the 8×8 target), but….

Sixty-four ounces is a minimum.  Researchers have suggested a two-thirds rule—drink 0.67 times your body weight.  For example, at 230 lbs, I should be drinking about 154 oz (nearly 5 quarts) of water daily.  On top of this, one should consume an additional 8 oz for every 30 minutes of exercise.  That’s a lot of water!  But, remember fluid is fluid.

Ideally, drink water.  Avoid fruit juices for the excess calories.  Avoid drinking alcohol for the same reason, as well as sobriety.  Coffee has health benefits, but it is going to increase the trips to the bathroom.  Water naturally cleanses the body, gives the sensation of fullness (recommendations are that dieters drink two cups of water before meals to reduce food consumption and stimulate caloric expenditure), and is a necessary substance for healthy functioning.

My problem, in part, is that I have an hour-plus commute and about a 30-minute bladder.  I get concerned about drinking (water) and driving.  On top of this, I teach in 2-hour blocks and don’t drink as frequently as I should.  Poor excuses, indeed.

I try to start the day with a 16-32 oz glass of water with 1/8^th tsp of colored (e.g., Himalayan) sea salt and a shot of lemon juice.  This is believed to kick-start the adrenal glands.  I’ll drink another 32 oz during my morning workout and again in the afternoon, if I work out.  I should probably pace my hydration better, but I do my best (more or less).

Drinking water is a great opportunity to do a SIDCHA (pronounced: sid-cha).  A SIDCHA is a self-imposed daily challenging healthy activity (Josh Spodek).  Such a challenge would be to drink a cup of water every waking hour through the day.  If one is awake for 16 hours, this is only 128 ounces (one gallon).  What do you say?  Should we set our alarms to go off and remind us?  Shall we start today?

Be your best today; be better tomorrow!

Carpe momento!

I struggle sometimes to recognize my Purpose.  Sometimes, I get it.  Other times, I wonder what I am missing.
I have come to the realization that every choice I have made—good, bad, or otherwise—has brought me to where I am.  I have more recently begun to understand that the decisions of others have, likewise, led me to where I am.  My parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, teachers, coaches, friends, teammates,…. (You get the point.)  We are all so interconnected.

Sometimes, we feel we want something—and that this something is our “Destiny” or “Purpose”.  In the end (sometimes in the middle), we see there is/was a different plan for us.

As a WVU alumnus and fan, I can’t help but follow and be intrigued by the path of wide receiver David Sills V.  Sills went from 13-year-old commit to USC as a quarterback to a junior college QB to outstanding, wide-receiver—leading the nation with 18 touchdown receptions and finalist for the Biletnikoff award (awarded to the nation’s top receiver) and several All-American awards.  Less than a decade ago, I am sure he would have said that his purpose was to play quarterback.  Today, his goals and opportunities are quite different.  And I am sure that “wide-receiver” is not his Purpose.  It is but a path to what, I believe, will be something more.

Our Purpose is always something more than where we are, today.  We are always growing and moving toward something better.  The greatest challenge in life is to recognize (and accept) that we are where we are supposed to be—right now.

It is all a matter of nature AND nurture.  I love to take Per-Olof Åstrand’s recommendation to “choose your parents (and grandparents) wisely.” I am of the belief that we born perfectly suited to our Purpose and Mission in life. If you think you got the short end of the stick with regards to genes, environment, opportunity, etc., you might not be seeing your true purpose.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!

“Keep all special thoughts and memories for lifetimes to come. Share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past, which can bridge to the future.”—Mattie Stepanek

It is easy to begin to think about “special thoughts and memories” this time of year.  The holidays are a time for memories.  Sometimes these are good memories.  Sometimes these are bad memories.  (Hopefully, these are mostly good.)  Each season is an opportunity to make better memories.

The holidays are not the only time for memories.  Special thoughts and memories are timeless.  We can’t wait for special times.  Carpe momento!

The best part of the holidays is sharing them with others.  Mattie Stepanek was wise beyond his years.  When he says “share these keepsakes with others to inspire hope and build from the past” he is speaking to us all.  The present is the “bridge to the future”, so, cheesy as it sounds, but the best present this season is simply to be present.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!