Month: June 2024

“In the final analysis, the questions of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened.”—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

One of my favorite scenes in Forrest Gump is when Forrest Gump steps in dog poop and responds, “It happens.”—thus inspiring the bumper sticker, “Sh—happens.”

The concept is that stuff outside of our control is going to happen in our lives. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Stuff happens. “It happens…. Sometimes.” The question should never be “Why?” Instead, we should ask ourselves, “What next?” In addition, the response to the question, “If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?”, is (should always be) “nothing.” We can’t look back with the hope of change. We can only look forward. We can’t affect the past. We can only affect the moment we are in. Therefore,….

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!

“My father used to say, ‘I want you to be a good man; I want you to learn how to work. And I want you to be a serious person.’ I grew up with that in my mind.”—Roberto Clemente

This is my first Father’s Day without a father. My dad passed in January. My father-in-law has passed. My grandfathers have long since passed away. I am left to be a father myself.

I don’t have a words of wisdom quote from my father. (If I dig deep enough, I am sure there are many. He was a huge Clemente fan, as was anyone from Pittsburgh in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. So, the above is a worthwhile stand-in.) The first that really comes to mind is “Don’t f*** this up”, spoken after meeting my now wife for the first time. (The language—a word he seldom used—underscored the message.) The wisdoms of my father, however, are ingrained in my very being.

I am now the father of a someday father. I am beginning to see a lot of his grandfather(s) (and father) in him. He recently uttered a “grandpa” (my day) joke—not the kind you just tell, but one that requires opportunity, timing, and subtlety. It slipped by the attention of his mother and his girlfriend, but I caught it. There was an unspoken nod and wink to his Grandpa Armstrong. It was a small thing. Something likely unnoticed by most, but it was strangely meaningful to me, and it warmed my heart. It was an early Father’s Day present that still makes me smile.

I can only hope that the best of me and the father’s before me is passed onto my son and that these are seeds that grow someone who is better. I am learning more and more about epigenetics (i.e., modifications to DNA that determine how genes are turned on and off), but I believe we pass on more than just our DNA to our offspring. We pass on traits that are Spiritual, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social, as well as Physical. This is we see more than the physical characteristics (this reminds me of my dear friend John McGuire, who taught me how we share “the same facial disfigurements” with our fathers) passed on to our children and passed on from our parents.

Father’s Day is a celebration of fathers, of course. It is also a stark reminder to fathers and would-be fathers of the tremendous responsibility that comes with fatherhood. Few (i.e., none) can say that their father was perfect. No matter the parenting we received (or didn’t receive), each is responsible for the father they are or will be for their children.

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children” (Proverbs 17:6).

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!

It is graduation season. It is cause for the celebration of the accomplishments of our young (and in some college situations, our older adults). For some parents—and there are far too many—this season is a reminder of loss and what could have been. Today’s message is for the families that missed out on graduation—proms, sports, concerts, plays, and all the things that high schoolers do. Know that your child is not forgotten. Know that you are loved and that we understand the void in your heart that grows bigger with each missed memory.

We need to remember that for all that brings us joy there are some who celebrate with us despite an emptiness that will never go away. Acknowledge the chair that was not placed, the name that was not called, and the diploma that was not printed.

It is easy to get caught up in our own lives and celebrations and to forget the pain that many parents carried through every school day and missed milestone—and will continue to carry. Let’s not forget these parents and especially the child who missing graduation.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!!

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.”—Harold S. Geneen

I almost want to just leave this quote to stand for itself. We live in a world where most do not want to lead and are willing to follow anyone who says what they want to hear. Too often we hear the words and ignore the attitudes and the actions (or inactions as the case may so often be). I don’t know what is the hardest to swallow—that we produce so few qualified leaders or that we don’t seem to care.

We all have our circles in which we are called to lead. Are we stepping up or stepping back? Is our leadership apparent in our actions or are leading merely with our words. The world needs our leadership in action and in attitude (better: in grattitude).

To lead is to serve. It is not to be served.

Be your best today; be better tomorrow.

Carpe momento!